AIBU to ask husband not to move the furniture?

[MovingFurniture2]

Looking for objective feedback… Virtually Everytime I go away for a night or more I come home and find my husband has rearranged a room or removed a piece of furniture. He is sometimes trying to make a room more organised, other times trying to move a piece of furniture for his own benefit (ie for his hobby room). I have repeatedly asked him not to do this. I find it stressful to come home and find things changed and more often than not he will have left a big pile of things that no longer have a home and I will end up being the one who has to find them a home… He doesn’t seem to take into account the family’s need for storage, just his own need to make a room more aesthetically pleasing (or to steal my furniture!). I have been away this weekend and despite explicitly asking him not to move any furniture he has still done so, removing some of the kids toy storage. He has replaced with some other storage but hasn’t finished putting stuff away. It’s in a very central area of the house so I can’t just leave him to sort it (and he just won’t now it is down to the boring bit!). For context he is diagnosed with and medicated for ADHD.
So AIBU for being annoyed or can he really not help himself??!!

Yes I have similar thoughts about his meds. He has a review soon so something to consider!

Don't let ADHD be an excuse! He's just selfish and unthinking!
Empty some of his hobby stuff onto the floor and leave it there. Don't tidy it up!

I suspect yes at times he finds looking after the children for a few days boring (especially if they are having some screen time) and then suddenly finds something more stimulating to do

No advice but came to say it’s almost certainly linked to his ADHD. Teen DS would regularly rearrange his bedroom. He would just throw anything out (or leave on the landing for me to deal with!) that he didn’t see an immediate need for (even if I knew he would use / want it again in the future). It also used to weaken furniture with all the moving. We’ve worked out it was very much linked to anxiety, if he was struggling he would bury himself in moving his room round. He’s much more settled these days and rarely does it now.

Furniture sliders are your friend.

When it matters, like with you storage, I'd just take the furniture back.

No diagnosis allows you to be a twat.

Usually someone mentioning adhd as an excuse or reason for something gives me the rage but I am laughing at this as I am also medicated for adhd and I am a furniture mover. Every couple of months I move things around although thankfully the kids just indulge me and to me it makes total sense at the time. I moved things around only a week ago and the kids just went 'oh yes this makes more sense' and while it probably doesnt they know it will be moved back to the original spots in the next few weeks. I never thought it was anything to do with my adhd but it appears it is.

1. Everytime he leaves a pile of stuff for you to tidy up, put it in his hobby room.

1. Evertime he rearranges your stuff and makes life harder for you. Rearrange his stuff and make life harder for him.

There's no consequence to his behaviour so why would he stop. Inflict a consequence.

Completely agree. Stop saving him from boredom and make him do it!

My ex husband did similar to this. Usually when I had taken the children out though. I would come back to books taken off the shelves and he would be estatic he had cleaned the shelves. Or moved everything off the floor to mop the floor. Refused to move the books and things back as he was adamant he had been doing a great thing. You have reminded me I no longer have to put up with shit like this in my own home 😃 you have my sympathy!

I'd go one further and take back the storage leaving his hobby stuff in a pile

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Interesting, when he does it when I’m around I have noticed it can be when he is anxious about something. Or if there is something else he really should be doing instead!

Thank you! How didn’t I know about this?

I have to say, in my home, DH is the one with ADHD and I am the mover. It would really upset him, but I could only see the frustration I had with the previous set up.
For me, it was when I am unsettled internally, I try and organise externally as this is something tangiable that I can do to help.
Until my DH told me how his brother, when they were younger, used to rearrange his things whenever he wanted to and he often used to come home to his stuff in the wrong places.
So now, I prewarn if I am going to move things on a day, and we discuss what is going to be moved. He is much happier with that. Would that be an option?

DD has ADHD (newly diagnosed) & waiting for Autism assessment results. She piles stuff that she doesn't want on the landing but never manages the full journey to the bin. Her bedroom is always a tip but she tidies up a couple of times a week & it's like a palace. Since she's been diagnosed and talks openly about her struggles I've realised, since menopause, that I am very much the same as her & now she thinks I'm odd as well. Takes one to know one according to her therapist.

He probably only moves furniture when you're away because it's the only time he can - otherwise he can't do it. I don't think it's meant to upset you, it's how some people with ADHD behave, how their brain works - 'wired differently' as my daughter describes it. I've spent all her life teaching her how I do things, as I do them, but as she's got older she questions things - she doesn't see the obvious solutions, we laugh about it & then she'll do the opposite as if I never said anything. It's a whole new world learning about ADHD x

It's strange how you miss the things that used to drive you mad, it must be difficult without your wife, so sorry for your loss.

I knew a lady 20+ years ago, we used to go to bingo once a week. She was a daily furniture mover - it started after she'd had a heart attack. She used to tell us every week about her furniture antics, she couldn't help it and it drove her husband mad, we used to have a right laugh with her, she was a lovely lady. No-one could understand why she did it, nor did she.

I do this .. my sons are very used to me now..I exhaust myself sometimes 🙈

He absolutely can and does also move furniture when I am in the house 🤣 but at least then I have some kind of input, even if he ignores me!!

This resonates a lot. DD is diagnosed ASD (likely ADHD too but masks at school so no diagnosis). We both massively struggle to keep things tidy : not having piles of clothes to put away / finishing the tidying process etc.

Fairky sure I’m ND too (DS ADHD & ASD, DD ASD diagnosed).

Ask him to make some time at weekend to finish the job and leave it. That’s really cheeky taking the kids storage for himself send him back to ikea and get him to build a new set.

He’s being quite disrespectful, moving things without consultation and when you’ve asked him not to.
Maybe move some of his stuff, you might need to do it a few times, so he starts to appreciate how you feel?
Or move your stuff back again, dumping his stuff on the floor in the process.
You are not being unreasonable, and in fact I wonder if you are protesting strongly enough. Because either he doesn’t understand your feelings on this, or he doesn’t care.