What should a 13/14 year old be doing?

[Worried8263839]

Within the home. I’d be interested to hear what household tasks your teens of this age are responsible for or do.

In our house it is a constant battle and currently he is only putting his washing in (when told to) and putting his own clean washing away. He needs constant reminders for basic stuff like having a shower or eating!

AIBU to think he should be doing more by this age?

My 13-year old is responsible for watering plants, taking trash out, putting clothes away, keeping room clean, and laying the table for dinner - all of it happens after some nagging, but it happens. Easier to do it myself but I'm trying to raise a kid that doesn't turn into one of the MN men we have daily threads about (not picking up after themselves, lazy, entitled etc!). Good luck!

Our 13 year old walks the dog one day then does the dishes the next day. Our 15 year old does the alternate. They are responsible for keeping their room tidy and getting themselves up/ready for school and going to bed at a reasonable hour.

14 - washes up and loads dishwasher after dinner, hoovers the stairs once a week, dusts and hoovers his own room weekly, hangs up wet laundry once a week on a weekend day, keeps own room tidy

8 - dries up and wipes down dining table after dinner, sorts laundry into lights and darks ready for washing, lays table for dinner, helps brother with laundry when it's their turn (hanging up smaller items mainly) and keeps his room tidy

They both help with meal prep at the weekend and can make basic meals and they both also take out the recycling

how fabulous of you mom to organise your kids well done

so many lazy kids that turn into adults. xxxx

13 year old boys go through a weird stage of not washing unless they’re told to. Mine improved around 14 although doing chores needed constant reminders. Bedroom was a pigsty. He met his GF and suddenly learned how to shower and he’s never looked back.
He’s tidy now but I’d write off the early teenage years, their brain development limits their ability to process these things so don’t get too stressed. It gets better.

12 year old empties dishwasher each morning, makes bed and keeps room tidyish, sweeps front drive on a Saturday morning in the summer, lays and clears table (alternating with younger sibling) and puts clean clothes away. None of it is automatic but usually done after one ask.

Will also hoover when asked, make coffee and do a front room tidy up.

Pretty proud of him (although know better than to ask anything of him if he’s hungry!)

At that sort of age, I was expected to:

Keep my own room clean and tidy, including stripping/making the bed, vacuuming and emptying bins.
Wash the dishes after dinner and laying the table beforehand.
Do my fair share of the laundry, including folding and putting away.
Empty the main bins when asked.
Keep my own bathroom clean and wash towels/bath mat etc.

I was also expected to vacuum and do whatever else needed doing around the house, and at weekends/in the holidays I would be responsible for cooking my own lunch and washing up too.

At 13, mine were responsible for their own rooms (and obviously putting own washing away / putting clothes for wash into the basket), they were expected to cook a meal for the family one evening a week, on evening they weren't cooking, they were expected to either lay the table and get everyone drinks, or to load the dishwasher or empty it. Then occasional things to help when asked (like if they happened to be in when someone arrives home with the weekly shop - to help put it away, or if I'd gone out and they were at home, to hang out the washing when it was done, type of thing.

Make bed & open curtains
largely expected to have a tidy room
washing in the basket
put away clean washing
help when tidying - mostly running up and downstairs!
washes up after Sunday dinner and sometimes on other days, especially when we’re busy
babysitting occasionally

he’s very good at getting up, dressed and ready and being on top of school work so try to not give him too much of a hard time! He will always help when asked without too much grumbling.

My 13 year old DS is expected to keep his room tidy, put his washing away, we all clean up after dinner every day together and sometimes do a 30 minute tidy where we all tidy the whole house simultaneously. He makes his own packed lunch and breakfast every day including washing up the box and tidying up after himself. If I ask, he’ll tidy any room I ask. He showers every day but getting him to learn that habit took a good year and was painful. He still needs the odd firm word about changing his pants and socks every day. He cooks dinner when asked but isn’t so keen on it. We’re still working towards doing it once a week.

My nearly 12 year old DD is much more inclined to be involved in household and family tasks but more reluctant to tidy her room or put her own washing away. She is so helpful and loves doing stuff for the nearly 2 year old. She loves cooking and hanging out with us whilst we care for youngest DD.

I could see DS becoming a lazy partner if the situation allowed. If he’s heterosexual and has a partner who assumes things are her job and he’s good to help. The word ‘help’ is banned when it comes to housework — doing their part is the allowed language

My 13 year old has absolutely no set chores and neither does his 9 year old brother. We do expect them to put their litter in bins and any crockery/cups by the sink but that’s it.

I should add I have to promote them both to shower/bath. I also have to prompt the 9 year old to brush his teeth but not the 13 year old 🤷🏻‍♀️. They don’t have to make any food for themselves but the 9year old has a go if I’m not quick enough. The 13 year old can’t butter toast

My 14-yr old is expected to fill and empty the dishwasher, put laundry washes on and hang up, tidy his room. None of which he does without being prompted 🙄

So lovely to hear this!

My 12 and 15 year olds - keep their rooms tidy, change their sheets, load and unload the dishwasher, put a load of laundry on, put it in the drier/hang out, fold and put away, feed and clean out pets.

Thanks all, has definitely given me some ideas to task him with! As a PP said, I don’t want him to grow up to be one of the lazy men you hear about all too often on here, expecting their partner to do it all!

It depends on what he was doing prior to the age of 14, really. You can't just expect him to magically acquire skills upon reaching an arbitrary age. Did he have any responsibilities when younger? Does he have clear responsibilities now?
My step kid was doing own laundry, cleaning their room, doing washing up after family breakfast every Saturday, walked the dog, hoovered the living room, prepared own school lunches. But these were all the skills we started working on when they were much younger.

Mine is nearly 14 and very good natured so will do anything when asked-so most days he will take bins out, clear table, put washing away, take dog out, put bed linen on, hoover etc.
Very occasionally he’ll do those things unprompted.
He showers of his own accord most mornings but still needs reminding to brush his teeth.

My 13 year old is expected to cook dinner once a week as DH and I are out. Also get DC1 out to school on time on the morning we're out at work before they leave for school. Put laundry away, put dirty laundry in the correct laundry basket. keep room vaguely tidy, strip and remake bed, vacuum when required, usually only happens after nagging. Joint responsible with sibling for keeping one bathroom clean, usually turns into a massive argument.

Not regularly, but expected if asked to:
Put on a wash or hang it up.
Take bins out.
If around at the weekends, help cook a meal or help with the washing up.
Clear own stuff to the dishwasher.
Clean windows.
Help weed the garden.

13 year old cooks himself breakfast and also french toast for sister. Sometimes helps with car washing but nothing else.

9 year old - nothing

We have chore chart

Emptying household bins
Hoovering stairs
Laying table
Cleaning table after dinner
They have to clean and hoover bedrooms every weekend
Put own washing away
Emptying dishwasher
They are starting to put loads on themselves as they want certain clothes washed.

They feed themselves morning and lunch. Dinner is family meal made by me or dh.

No chores no WiFi or devices

My DS12 empties the dishwasher most days, helps clear up table after dinner, washes up pans etc at weekend when we've cooked a roast or similar. He keeps his own bedroom tidy, changes his bedding. He puts his clean clothes away (badly!)
He will run the cordless hoover round downstairs occasionally.

He can make his own packed lunch but he's pretty slow. I tend to do it as its quicker and he has activities during the week which can take up 3 to 4 hours with travel.

He bakes with me sometimes and can make shortbread on his own. He says he wants to start having a try at cooking which we need to start doing with him.

Reading what I've put here, I think he does pretty well. However he does leave a wave of destruction wherever he goes - comes home from school dumps bags and shoes in middle of hall, leaves blazer on landing, takes clothes off in bathroom and leaves on floor, has poo and leaves poo stains! I make him pick everything up and clean the loo every time but when oh when will he do this/stop doing it without me reminding him!

Also I forgot that couple of times lately he has helped put the food shopping away and he's done a good job so will start getting him to help with this more often. I get him to carry the bags from the car too sometimes as he's getting nearly as strong as me!

We don't really have set chores for DS16 and DD12; they're expected to bring dirty washing to the basket, put clean clothes away, and move their dirty dishes/general litter. Beyond that we ask them when we want something doing and they're very affable- even helping with DIY and decorating. I'd say we get cheerful obedience but not conscious awareness haha

15 year old
Walks & feeds dog daily
Puts away washing
Changes bed sheets on his bed
keeps own room somewhat tidy
alternates clearing ash out of stove with younger brother & restocking firewood etc
alternates emptying dishwasher with younger brother
low level cooking, pasta, scrambled egg, put stuff in oven

13 year old
dog walks as needed
empty dishwasher
put away own washing
tidy room
Stove duty

10 year old
dishwasher
bringing down laundry for washing
pairing socks & putting away