Having doubts about my wedding planner

[lilybit2025]

We’re getting married in Italy in June 2028 at a large, well known venue that hosts weddings almost daily. I found our planner through the venue’s Instagram... she’s English, has lived in Italy for 18 years, and has good reviews (though she isn’t very active on social media). We had a video call, she was lovely, and I asked someone who used her previously if they would recommend her, so we booked her.

I’m a very organised person, so maybe that’s part of this, but two months in there’s been very little communication. I’ve been the one reaching out, for example to ask about videographers, and when I did she simply forwarded a supplier’s price list with no message or context. I know the wedding is still a long way off, but I expected a bit more, even just checking in about what we want or explaining when things will properly start/where to go from here. Should I email her asking when I can expect to start arranging catering, going through details of what I want, is it too early etc?

Am I being overly cautious or a bridezilla, or is it reasonable to expect more engagement at this stage?

How much is the wedding planner service costing?

In total £4000.

WHAT!!!! 😱

Sorry, but surely over the next 2.5yrs, you could have sorted the bits out yourself- even by flying to Italy every few months if needed!!! Have you paid her anything? Are you tied in?

I was married abroad- long haul, MUCH farther than Europe. I was quoted for something via a planner and when I enquired with the company directly, the service was much cheaper to go direct. The planners clearly get kick backs to recommend certain companies. Not saying yours will be the same but its something to consider.

I don't think I'd have expected much contact due to it being so far away- some companies may not even be in business by then! No harm in emailing her and asking for an idea of time lines though.

Your wedding isn’t for 2.5 years. Some of these services you want will have gone out of business in that time.

save £4k and organise it yourself.

For £4,000 (that made my eyes water, but you do you!) I would be asking for a timeline as to when you will need to make decisions and she will be booking things. That way you won't get stressed when you don't hear from her because you will both have a schedule that you will be working to and there will naturally be lulls because it is two years away.

It’s over 2yrs away!! I’m not sure what you could reliably book right now apart from the venue.

I would have thought they’d be more contact this time next year, approximately 18 months before the wedding.

I got married abroad and used a local wedding planner who had a really impressive website and seemed nice when I spoke to her but I really wish I’d listened to my gut and gone with someone else or looked around. The wedding went off well but that was down to the house manager who looked after us at the venue, not down to the planner. I sourced and organised the videographer, catering etc, I thought the planner would help with run throughs, decor options but she was completely uninterested for want of a better word. I felt silly emailing her asking if I could see some decor options, everything seemed like I was hassling her. We went over to do the food tasting so I said about catching up over a coffee but she was too busy and said it was unnecessary. I remember being in a restaurant after our wedding sitting next to a couple and their wedding planner and she was going through everything with them and nothing was too much trickle. I was really disappointed I have to say but i tried to let go of it afterwards because I didn’t want it clouding the memories of our special day.

The only thing I can think of is that she tried to get me to use her friend as the make up artist so I went up to London for the trial when the girl was over from Spain which cost me money obviously but I was happy with everything and booked her and then she emailed to say she was giving up and moving back to Ireland and wouldn’t be able to do my make up so I asked for my money back for the trial. Maybe I was in the wrong but I felt annoyed I’d paid for a train ticket and accommodation and the cost of the trial when the person decided only a few weeks later they couldn’t do it for me. Maybe that turned the wedding planner against me, who knows

I think you can email to ask her for a timeline. Have you paid her a deposit? If so then she's "on the clock", if not then she's probably swamped with all the arrangements for 2026 and 2027 and understandably would get to you when it's closer to the time.
Do be aware the timeline might well show nothing happening until summer 2027.

It’s over 2 years, she’ll be working on 2026 plans now. The list of suppliers will only be roughly and any caterers etc i suspect will be hesitant to even give an estimate too far away.

Oh dear. YABU to expect lots of her attention at this stage. How would you feel if in May 2028 just before your wedding she couldn't get back to you because she was spending lots of her time replying to emails from an October 2030 bride..?

However Should I email her asking when I can expect to start arranging catering, going through details of what I want, is it too early etc?

This seems fine. Sets your expectations and will allow you to manage them. It's exciting getting engaged, and it's exciting that you're getting married abroad. Congratulations OP. I got married a few years ago and I remember the adrenaline rush to get everything organised and book in suppliers ASAP before someone else snapped them up. Please relax. In the end, despite having my suppliers booked quickly, I ended up chucking my hair and makeup supplier because I really disliked her (personality) at my trial and found someone better with a month to spare.

Your wedding is 2.5 years in the future. She has weddings to organise way before yours.

Making plans this far in advance isn’t needed.

Congratulations on your engagement, OP!
Sounds lovely with a wedding in Italy.

Perhaps your wedding planner is busy with weddings of the spring and summer of 2026 right now?

Hi all - thanks for your tips and letting me know your thoughts. I know it's a long long way away but being who I am and working in events myself I know how quickly people get booked up and just wanted to step away from event planning for my own sanity. Majority of suppliers books aren't open until next year anyway for 2028 but I have paid her £2000 already and the remainder due 6 months before the wedding so was expecting at least a little 'thank you for booking me, here's what to expect in the next 18 months' email. Maybe I should reach out and ask - I just have no idea where to start. I already have sourced my own photographer who is booked, researching my own videographers as I didn't like who she recommended and found the venue myself so that was all done without anyone anyway. Starting to feel like maybe I should do it myself 🫣

I wouldn't be spending that sort of money for something you could do yourself, especially in this day and age of the internet. She'll only be pushing service providers that give her a kick back anyway, so not necessarily the best or most reliable. In any event, I think it's probably too soon to expect her to do much at the moment for a wedding in 2028. But for £4,000 I would expect her to send me a reassuring email with a timeline of what she proposes.

I would not have paid £2k upfront!

Not sure why you've paid her £2000 with noticeable of what she will do and what the timescales are to be honest. Send her an email and ask her you outline the timescales and booking dates for all the services you require.

I organised my black tie London wedding for 120 in six months, with most of the work in the last two. Once we decided on venue and caterer not a lot happened til then! I planned it myself it wasn’t hard.

A bit late now since you’ve paid her a decent chunk of it, but I’d probably want a list of the services she does and doesn’t provide and timelines for each.

And you work in events!! Weddings really aren't that hard. I'll do yours for 2k from now :)

This is ridiculous. You’re planning it all yourself anyway but have spent £4k on a wedding planner? Just why?

And you work in events but just gave someone in another country £2k without knowing what to expect from her? Wow 🤣

And you work in events!! Weddings really aren't that hard. I'll do yours for 2k from now :)

Four. Thousand. Pounds????

On top of the costs of the wedding.

Insane.

Im not the sort of person that would pay for this service but I absolutely would expect aome seriously detailed timeline in an email..before not after I paid two grand !!

If there.is any way I'd get the deposit back snd do it yourself