Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Grandparents?

42 replies

rockinrobins · 12/01/2026 07:50

My 5 month old baby has eczema. It's quite mild, we use emollient cream on it and it generally keeps it under control.

The other day my mum was going on about this 'magic' cream she's found on Amazon. She says she uses it and it sorts out her itchy skin and I should try it on him because it's 'all natural'.

I had a look at the product - it's a brand I've never heard of, there's no ingredients list available on Amazon or anywhere else online, it doesn't say anything about using it on babies, and I've told her a few times I don't want to put loads of different products on his sensitive skin.

I said thanks for the recommendation but we don't need it as we have emollient from the GP which we are using and we don't want to introduce loads of different things, even if they're 'natural'.

A few hours later I get a message from my dad saying it's a great cream and he has bought some and sent it for the little one in the post.

Obviously we won't use it but I'm just annoyed as I feel I'm totally ignored and it's this 'we know best' and controlling sort of attitude.

This is one example but similar things have happened since I had my baby - he is also their first grandchild so they're very invested, which is also lovely, it's just a bit much and feels controlling!

AIBU to address this with them head on, or should I just keep smiling politely, thanking for the advice and ignoring?

OP posts:
MadamCholetsbonnet · 12/01/2026 07:52

Not a hill to die on.

Cocomelon67 · 12/01/2026 07:54

Just thank them and don’t use it.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/01/2026 07:55

Not sure there is a need to address it ‘head on’, they’ve sent it in the post it’s not like they’re applying the cream behind your back. Just say thanks but we’re going to stick with the GPs advice, and carry on

TrustedTheWrongFart · 12/01/2026 07:56

Be cautious that you don’t leave your DC alone with them.

Cupboarddoorknob · 12/01/2026 07:56

Just ignore

Perrylobster · 12/01/2026 07:59

I think it’s sweet that they care.
just don’t use it and be thankful that they’re trying to be helpful.

Potatoelephant · 12/01/2026 08:00

DD14 has severe eczema, we have had this her whole life - suggestions, people buying stuff for us, sending random articles, “my best friends auntie’s third cousin four times removed tried this and it cleared it up overnight”

Smile say thanks then ignore and don’t mention it again. If they ask in the future say “oh we didn’t find it helpful”

people think they are being kind and helping. They aren’t but it won’t stop so just let it wash over you.

DaisyChain505 · 12/01/2026 08:02

There are so many bigger reasons you could be annoyed with your parents. They could be totally uninterested with your child for one.

Yes it may be annoying and as a new mum you can be fiercely over protective or take things the wrong way and that’s ok, it will ease in time.

When these situations happen just take a breath, remind yourself they’re only trying to help and bin the cream when it arrives.

BeautifulSongsofLove · 12/01/2026 08:02

OP, you're right to be concerned. Prescribers are advised to not signpost patients to buy over the counter medications from online unregistered sources available through Amazon etc due to safety concerns.

If your parents provide childcare, perhaps check with them that they haven't also bought some of the cream to keep at theirs to use on LO.

www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/medicines-information/

thepariscrimefiles · 12/01/2026 08:03

Perrylobster · 12/01/2026 07:59

I think it’s sweet that they care.
just don’t use it and be thankful that they’re trying to be helpful.

I don't think it's sweet for them to just completely ignore OP's message asking them not to buy this cream as she is using one prescribed by her GP and doesn't want to introduce any other creams.

What works for an adult wouldn't necessarily work on a child and as there are no ingredients listed, it may not even be safe on baby skin.

Birchtree1 · 12/01/2026 08:03

I wouldnt worry about it. They are obviously thinking about it and trying to help. Just dont use it if you dont want to. I dont feel this is controlling!
I have had eczema since i was a child and at some point one of my great aunts told my mum to make me drink my own urine to helpmwith it 😁 my mum wasnt offended/ upset. In fact we all had a laugh about it for a few years!
However there are great "natural" creams available.
Also if you breastfeed I would recommend putting some breastmilk into the bath water....its really good for their skin!
But you do your thing and only what you are comfortable with! Id just ignore the cream and not use it and if they ask just calmly tell them youve decided to stick with what the doctor prescribed and are happy with this and dont want to change this at the moment.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 12/01/2026 08:04

It doesn't sound controlling. It sounds like they want the best for their grandson and believe this cream will help him.

Hoardasurass · 12/01/2026 08:04

Since its your parents yes talk to them and be very clear that you will only use prescribed medication on your baby and give them the cream making it clear that they must not use it or anything else that isn't specifically prescribed for him

QuietLifeNoDrama · 12/01/2026 08:08

I think you need to tackle it head on. My parents were like this and they don’t understand anything but a firm no. If this were my family my acceptance of the cream would be the signal that they could also use it on my DD. For some reason saying no thank you wasn’t enough. I learnt the hard way that I had to literally spell it out for them every time as unless I specifically said we don’t want you to do that they would assume it was ok

GKG1 · 12/01/2026 08:10

You know your own parents. If it’s a symptom of a wider issue you want to try and nip in the bud now, go for it. I do also agree with other that it doesn’t seem a hill worth dying on if it’s not happening all the time.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 12/01/2026 08:15

Wait to get it. Then tell them that you showed it to the doctor who has said not to use it on your baby. Throw the doctor under the bus in the interest of familial harmony (they won't mind). You can then tell them any old guff - the doctor said it's only for use on adult skin, the doctor said it's not any use in your DDs case...etc etc.

Then if they start up, you do the 'we're just following doctor's orders.'

DrossofthedUrbervilles · 12/01/2026 08:30

I have this issue too (constant unsolicited advice and related purchases) from mother and mil. The only reason I don't shut it down completely is that occasionally, there is a helpful nugget of advice in there. Something I've not thought of. Because I don't want to lose out on those, I've been quietly tolerating/ignoring the other bits. It is irritating, and I have felt really undermined at times. Especially when the advice is either super obvious, or outdated or nonsense. I believe they are trying to help, but that doesn't always stop me feeling irritated or bored when sitting though another litany of what to do.

itsthetea · 12/01/2026 08:32

Keep smiling

Rosealea · 12/01/2026 08:35

No big deal they're just trying to help. You never know, it might be worth a try

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 08:35

Good lord. Your parents love you and they’re their grandchild and just trying to help.

BIossomtoes · 12/01/2026 08:38

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 12/01/2026 08:15

Wait to get it. Then tell them that you showed it to the doctor who has said not to use it on your baby. Throw the doctor under the bus in the interest of familial harmony (they won't mind). You can then tell them any old guff - the doctor said it's only for use on adult skin, the doctor said it's not any use in your DDs case...etc etc.

Then if they start up, you do the 'we're just following doctor's orders.'

Perfect. Plausible and unarguable.

RawBloomers · 12/01/2026 08:39

Agree with PP that letting the litany of recommendations you are likely to get from everybody and their cat while your DC has eczema wash over you is a good idea. But it doesn't sound like that's your issue. You did let this recommendation wash over you. Your problem is that when you said "we don't want to introduce loads of different things, even if they're 'natural'." they did not seem to take that onboard at all.

It's possible they thought - well it can't hurt to send some, she can look at the bottle and see if it's got anything new in, and then use it if she wants to. Which I suppose is fair enough. But since this isn't the only time they've seemed to ignore you about how you care for your baby then I agree with PP that you should be a bit cautious about leaving him with them. Maybe have a sit down with them and tell them straight that they appear not to listen to you about DC, but only if you think that will be a bit of a wakeup for them, not if you think they'll get defensive and it will just be conflict.

Butthechildrentheylovethebooks · 12/01/2026 08:40

Potatoelephant · 12/01/2026 08:00

DD14 has severe eczema, we have had this her whole life - suggestions, people buying stuff for us, sending random articles, “my best friends auntie’s third cousin four times removed tried this and it cleared it up overnight”

Smile say thanks then ignore and don’t mention it again. If they ask in the future say “oh we didn’t find it helpful”

people think they are being kind and helping. They aren’t but it won’t stop so just let it wash over you.

'Have you tried Aveeno?' is the one me and DD21 laugh about. People trying to be helpful but really?! If they actually thought a bit more they would rightly assume that we had researched and tried more things than you could ever imagine and well as seeing dermatologists both on NHS and privately.

OP hopefully your baby will grow out of it. My DS did and DDs is under control.

FigurativelyDying · 12/01/2026 08:41

TrustedTheWrongFart · 12/01/2026 07:56

Be cautious that you don’t leave your DC alone with them.

I have no no words. Really? Or could it be that we grandparents can’t bear to see our little grandkids suffer and want to help. I’m not saying use the damn cream, but really.

Summerlilly · 12/01/2026 08:49

I would address it head on just because as soon as you leave him alone with them, they will put some on him.
My parents can be similar and I found the only way is to be firm with them and say I’ve said no.

I hope his eczema gets better soon.