Would you tell them you know?

[Travelfairy]

A few weeks ago, on a group chat about a night out a colleague/former colleague (I'm currently on extended leave) put a nasty comment about me to a another colleague. It seems she thought the message was directly to her and not on the group. It was deleted quickly but there long enough for me and everyone else to see.

The group went silent since. I never replied or commented either way.
YABU - tell them what a pair of bitches they are next time you see them/message them
YANBU- let them stew and act as two faced as they do to me!

I'd have responded "charming" or something in the chat, just to make sure everyone knew I saw it and make it nice and awkward for everyone.

It's too late to do anything now, the moment for a witty response in the chat is over. I'd move on but steer clear of them moving forward.

I was tempted to put exactly that! But didnt want a knee jerk reaction

Unfortunately I will see one of them from time to time at kids activities, would you just blank her or say hi but leave it at that?

What was the comment?

Out of interest, how do you know who who the message was meant for?

What I'm getting at is that if Janet was writing to Steve, she wouldn't @ Steve in a private message, so how do you know it was meant explicitly for Steve and not intended for a wider audience? Did she not think you were in the group chat or was it a very specific comment?

It's too late to do anything now.

But I definitely wouldn't call them bitches or similar. Don't sink to their level, rise above it.

If I saw them in person I would be polite and professional but not friendly.

What did it say? Was it definitely about you? If so, I would blank them.

Neither of your choices.

I would leave the chat group and distance myself from the perpetrators. These people are not your friends.

If I had to see them in person as part of a group, I would be polite but not friendly.

I’d say absolutely nothing key then stew and rise above it, that’s your best power you have right now stay above them.

I’d avoid them. If they approach you socially and are nice, say there’s no need to pretend, you saw their messages.

You saw the message.
They know you saw the message.
You know they know you saw it.

You can keep a dignified silence now. By saying nothing you remain in control and they are left awkwardly stewing. Any little comment such as “charming” only reduces your position.

Leave them feeling awkward!

Just be polite and dignified. This will leave them in more of a state than confronting them and you keep the upper hand. They sound like the type to spread rumors if you confront them making out that the falling out is your fault.

Walk swiftly past and go " alright' in a very uninterested tone and definitely not smiling while looking straight through her. She'll immediately get the message.

Why are you annoyed with both of them?

Surely, the ‘beef’ should only be with just the one sending the nasty comment, as no one replied to it.

I would bring up the message and watch her squirm.

Omg exactly this!!! They will make the drama about my reaction, not their behaviour

Its more with the sender tbh but I know this isn't the first time as has been other smaller stuff in past but not as explicit as this.

Yes definitely I was named followed by comments about me. I am the only person with my name in our small company...

Is this an offical work whats app or made by a group for social activites. If its run by a manager ceo I would be reporting them to hr its workplace bullying

More for social activities. Was originally set up by a Manager who recently left our company. Yes I agree it is bullying but because not official work chat I dont think HR will get involved.

Play dumb until that perfect moment down the line where you can enact a subtle revenge and surprise them with the knowledge that you knew all along (insert evil laugh)

People don’t sent bitchy comments to people about people they like.

In my work, group WhatsApp’s with work people are still classed as work situations. So if someone said something in a group, our HR would get involved. Do you actually want to socialise with these people anyway? I’d just leave the group if it’s bringing no benefit to you.

I'd leave the group chat.

If the group’s been silent since I’d be tempted to message into it explaining you’ve been waiting for an apology for the bitchy comment she made. Alternatively I’d ask her face to face to watch her squirm.