Childminder constantly looking for updates on attendance days

[AvidLemur]

Hi, apologies for long post . My daughter was on wait list for her local childminder 1.5 years before starting there. Out of current group of kids she's there the longest but more have joined since and are there for the long haul so its not a case of constant turnover. My second child was put on the wait list from once I was 5 months pregnant. About 3 months before I was due back to work I was told a new child was starting ( despite me thinking my child was next on list) and she wasn't able to take second in near future. So then we got a dear friend over 20 minutes the wrong direction to mind my second child and I had to reduce my hours to facilitate all of this as there wasnt many days to choose from. Fast forward another year and my second child's start date was pushed out a further few months at which point she took on 2 afterschool kids as she knew parents so I knew I was last pecking order even though I had done the wait time for the place and they factually didnt. Now my second child has finally started and she's a bit miffed I won't be starting the child on more hours for a few months as my hours are set for the foreseeable. Am I the issue here or is she the problem as she pushed me around for so long with my second that it has affected my work hours and job opportunities that I can't just go up extra hours as she needs my childs space to be more viable for her financially. I said nothing when I was pushed out of 2 spaces for sake of the new kids. It's like every 3 months she wants to rattle the peace as if there's a mental health issue or something underlying. I doubt she shows her other service users parents this side as they are her buddies and she wouldn't want them to see this side of her..when I say I have changed my hours every which way for the hours she provides I am not exaggerating. Over the past 3 years I've reduced from 35 hours to 30 hours to 25 to fill the gaps which yes i know is my responsibility as a parent but not when youve done the wait time and others havent. There are no other childcare providers in the area within 10km with spaces. I'm at my wits end with her constant conveyer belt attitude. I'm very fair ,I uphold all ends of contract , pay fully for days she can't do last minute but I feel like im being pushed around here. Kids are happy there so I know she's good at her job and business.

I'd get on the waiting lists of some others

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but are there no suitable nurseries local to you?

She sounds like a nightmare! But it's always tricky to move kids once they are settled. Once you can send your child for the extra day in a few months, do you think she'll be happy and it will be more settled? I'd worry she'd give that day away before you get to use it!

It's not as easy as just having a waiting list and first come first served as a childminder, you have to fit children into the slots available.

1 place is 1/3 of your income so you need to try to operate at maximum occupancy.
"About 3 months before I was due back to work I was told a new child was starting ( despite me thinking my child was next on list) and she wasn't able to take second in near future."
Would you have wanted to take the space 3 months before your mat leave finished? The childminder couldn't leave the space empty for 3 months if there was someone wanting it.

The after school children presumably didn't affect your baby getting a space anyway.

You say that as if day nursery is obligatory.

Over 20 minutes away..complete childcare pandemic since covid in my area ie no spaces for kids under 2

Not sure that I understand your point?

I think a lot of the spaces are about ages and ratios plus her income (she is a business after all) rather than friends / not friends.

Are you saying you booked 35 hours on the wait list and now only taken 25?

Outside London must be different because 20/30 min commute in London to nursery or school is the norm!

Yes it does sadly as they are a pick up hence car space unfortunately taken into account in numbers

Yes outside London , rural area . Thanks for your reply

I think she means that you didn't just tell her to look for a new childminder, but sort of said it like you were really confused that she wasn't using a nursery.

It’s understandable she gave a different child a place when you were still on mat leave as she couldn’t just the place otherwise. (She could have given you the option to pay a retainer though) aAnd she should have honoured your place when the next space came free (although over fives are different ratios to under fives so that may not have affected your start date)
She sounds like a pita but it also sounds like your only childcare option. I’d put up with it for the sake of reliable childcare. If she mentions your hours just say yes it’s a shame I had to reduce my hours while waiting for a space. Bear in mind there’s nothing stopping her giving notice if she gets a better offer so you need to keep her sweet.

I was never informed of the space being available sooner

Absolutely I think along the same lines as you do. I've kept her sweet all along the one who pays through summer and holidays but the others don't so I think it goes both ways as I'm the reliable one too.sick of having to revisit things every few months when I'm not flaky with my commitments, start super early so husband can drop off at normal time so I'm there earlier to pick up and nothing is enough..Its a drain and no other options

There will also be limits on the numbers of children that she can have in age brackets, as well as car spaces. It all sounds a real PITA, sorry. I think from her perspective through, whilst you were on maternity leave and she should have been clearer, it’s not fair to expect her to leave a space unfilled in anticipation of your little one. Lots can change in three months and it’s not always easy to plan and fill spaces around different hours. Childcare is a nightmare and I hope you can get it sorted. Are there any nurseries near you? Or can you have a really frank conversation with her and both of you be clear about plans?

What about when they start school are they more options, like an after school club?

I think I just (perhaps wrongfully) assumed that most people would use a nursery (with a decent OFSTED rating and generally good standards). That may be because I’m in London and the majority of parents I know have children who attend nursery. It wasn’t intended with any malice.

No unfortunately not. It seems to be a small pocket of an area where either mums don't work or have grandparents doing the collection so the option to develop services like nurseries and after schools never was on the agenda. I'm a blow in and I don't understand it but it seems to work for others in past as an afterschool was never pushed🤷

Oh strange. Childminders are also registered with OFSTED and most are graded good or outstanding. Childminders also follow the EYFS the same as all early years settings and can offer government funded hours and tax free childcare. A sound choice and preference for many families. OP may have a particular issue with the cm wanting her to increase hours/ keep moving the start date but this could, and does, happen in nurseries too.

She has behaved unprofessionally, whereas you have been nothing but understanding and decent … not to mention very restrained!
Good luck. She sounds difficult.

When she said ‘no other childcare providers in this area’ I thought she was only referring to childminders, hence why I asked about nurseries? I obviously misunderstood (and assumed most places would have at least a few nurseries within 20 min drive)

No one is implying that childminders are less qualified?

Are you a childminder? You seem personally offended at someone suggesting a nursery. I'm in Glasgow and we have some local choldminders but there areany more nursery places than childminder places available usually so I wondered as well if she was against nursery for some reason with mentioning only choldminders

Not offended. Just clarifying for the PP when she was confused by someone else's comment above. I am a cm, but no problems with people using nurseries. Was just explaining what a cm was as she didnt appear to know any.