Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you can’t actually get car seat advice from anywhere?

62 replies

carseatdramas · 11/01/2026 19:27

Or can you?

DD is 5. She is in this car seat. I have the cybex for her younger sister who is a bit of a Houdini with straps so it works well. Dd1 seems to like it.

I mentioned it on a FB group and was annihilated (it was not even about car seats!) with PMs and messages telling me how awful it was she wasn’t rear facing / in a harness.

I keep reading that Halfords and the chain shops aren’t any good: fair enough. But the independent shops seem to just focus on RF as do FB groups.

So I don’t really know who to ask …

CYBEX Child Car Seats | Official Online Shop

CYBEX Child Car Seats ׀ Award-winning safety ✓ Innovative functionality ✓ Superb choice ✓ ► Buy now at the Official CYBEX Online Shop!

https://www.cybex-online.com/en/gb/car-seats/child-car-seats/?gad_campaignid=17726772391&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAABuIWqsaC52iV2xm4UVjwlqs17H6U&gclid=Cj0KCQiAsY3LBhCwARIsAF6O6XhRrpwIAUcrlygLLPSGBrKzGcCi_WLzv7qdtfZnC-HplJf_JQsmg7QaAvzMEALw_wcB

OP posts:
carseatdramas · 12/01/2026 17:14

@Bitzee the replies here have reassured me. I thought I’d done a massive fail and I didn’t know where to ask otherwise.

OP posts:
blackpooolrock · 12/01/2026 17:17

carseatdramas · 11/01/2026 20:52

@Applespearsandpeaches from my point of view, I posted what I thought was a fairly innocuous photo and got a lot of unexpected negativity so it obviously has got me questioning myself / my parenting!

Never doubt your own judgement because of what some stranger on the internet says... the internet is the land of make believe for a lot of people so take what they say with a BIG pinch of salt... I mean its so bad that ive read men claim they are woman... who knew? madness 😅

As for car seats do what suits you and your family. Seats sold in this country are all up to the standard to meet safety regulations and after that it's down to personal choice.

Noodledoodledoo · 12/01/2026 17:20

carseatdramas · 12/01/2026 17:13

That literally says extended rf specialist on it!

I agree but she is really thoughtful and a local mum who I have seen many times discuss forward facing seats with mums. She is a specialist but doesn't insist on it. My friend always uses her and none of hers were in rear facing from 4 up.

I didn't use her as she was still working for Mothercare when I needed seats and we used another place.

justasking111 · 12/01/2026 17:23

Went to our local Halfords who checked the make, model, age of my car on a computer to decide which one was suitable. Then took it outside to show me how to fit it.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/01/2026 17:56

justasking111 · 12/01/2026 17:23

Went to our local Halfords who checked the make, model, age of my car on a computer to decide which one was suitable. Then took it outside to show me how to fit it.

Whatever you do, don’t mention the H word on those Facebook groups! You’ll be lynched. 😂

dynamiccactus · 12/01/2026 18:02

Which? has advice about car seats.

cakedup · 12/01/2026 18:46

Hi, I work in the road safety sector and we commision Good Egg safety to carry out car seat checks. Unfortunately we find most people have made errors with fitting their car seat, even when advised by 'trained' retailers. Look up Good Egg on Facebook where they have a list of all their car seat events across the country, hopefully there'll be one near you. Can't recommend the service enough!

cakedup · 12/01/2026 18:48

cakedup · 12/01/2026 18:46

Hi, I work in the road safety sector and we commision Good Egg safety to carry out car seat checks. Unfortunately we find most people have made errors with fitting their car seat, even when advised by 'trained' retailers. Look up Good Egg on Facebook where they have a list of all their car seat events across the country, hopefully there'll be one near you. Can't recommend the service enough!

Also their website is really good! Other websites i can recommend are ROSPA and childseatsafety.co.uk - who also run checking events

BertieBotts · 12/01/2026 20:11

Oh apologies, I missed that it was a general group. I do think that Facebook is especially bad for this kind of thing. You get a bit of it bleeding through to more general forums (I saw some of it on Reddit UKParenting the other day) but it's not as rampant as on FB. It is something to do with their algorithm, it breeds extremes and discord, so you get pockets of people (usually in groups) who are absolutely insistent that something is true whereas the more general perception doesn't reflect this. It usually starts from something reasonable (e.g. the idea that RF is safer than FF) but it spirals and spirals until you get to a really extreme POV which doesn't really follow evidence, like "FF at age 5 is not safe". It's actually very similar to how OCD reassurance-seeking works and I did read a really interesting article about how it's possible that some of these groups online are largely filled with people with unchecked OCD or anxiety disorders and they are feeding off each other and making the anxiety worse and therefore arriving at more extreme conclusions.

The problem is that if you don't know any better, then the amount of people repeating the same thing tends to make it appear as though that POV is common knowledge and/or fact. And if you spend time in the group and sort of passively absorb this stuff as knowledge, it falls under the illusory truth effect where you sort of assimilate it into general knowledge, and you no longer remember where or how you learned about that thing, you just know it's true, the same way as you know how a queue works and what a banana is and who the Prime Minister is etc.

But I do think the FB extremes can be especially difficult because the problem is that because they are extremes, they tend to be positioned against "those other people who get it wrong" and so people are often on a crusade to educate everyone else in the world about this knowledge that they have gained. Parenting groups are especially bad for it for whatever reason - you see the same thing happen on various topics - real examples I've seen aside from car seats have been weaning, safe sleep, sleep training, screen time, vaccinations, home ed, breastfeeding, gentle parenting etc etc etc, and sometimes you'll see this kind of thing where one of the topics (like ERF) bleeds into a completely unrelated seeming or even general group which just then strengthens the effect. It happens partially because you will get prolific posters who are on multiple forums at once and so they either become seen as a bit of an "expert" or you might not realise it's the one same person but you see the same message repeated in different places and it strengthens the effect of it seeming authoritative and correct but it could actually just be the opinion of one person. You can usually tell if someone is giving a considered piece of advice if you ask them where the info comes from. If they have genuine experience/knowledge they can tell you. If they are simply parroting something they have read hundreds of times in a group, they usually recommend the group (this is often well meaning!) and say they have "learned loads" or sometimes they tell you to "do research" or occasionally they will resort to insults.

Not all ERF specialist retailers are hardline on the ERF part, and even most of them who are still sell and will be happy to recommend high back boosters for older children. Most ERF retailers do subscribe to the theory of never using FF for the integrated harness/impact shield type stage, so you won't usually get advice about forward facing harness or shield seats from an ERF retailer, and some of them choose not to spend time giving advice on high back boosters, but most of them will especially if they stock them for sale.

@GKG1 I don't mind :) It's a bit of a hobby for me so I like to share the info where I can although I do worry I will get out of date. I'm not as hands on with different models these days.

justasking111 · 12/01/2026 20:16

I'm on a replacement hip group which has been useful. Late at night the advice becomes American. Their advice can be radically different and that's from their surgeons and physiotherapists.

carseatdramas · 12/01/2026 20:49

Thanks @BertieBotts , it’s interesting because you explain it really well. I’m actually in a gentle parenting group which is going a tiny bit mad (for want of a better word) as it’s also going to extremes - I nearly posted a few weeks ago as a poor mother was just exhausted but her children were TWELVE AND EIGHT - I mean, tell them to go to bed and stay there 😂 but That’s Not Gentle Parenting!

I won’t miss the tonie group: there were some hardcore obsessed people!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 13/01/2026 00:38

YY I have left all the parenting groups on FB except for a few very select ones because they all go mad. Gentle parenting suffers from the same problem that it can become competitive and it is positioned as against authoritarianism, but this is bonkers because there are no parenting experts in the world (apart from maybe those weird Fundie cult people) who would advocate FOR authoritarianism. So mostly they just tie any random parenting approach in knots until they have defined it as authoritarian and that's why you can't do it that way. You end up with a whole list of things you're scared to do in case you scar your child emotionally for life and nothing to actually survive or build a relationship day to day.

I did find some extremely thoughtful threads and lines of thought through gentle parenting discussions on here and on FB years ago which have led me to some incredibly helpful and brilliant people and ideas, which stay with me to this day, but the competitive "I can be more gentle than you" stuff or parenting to anxiety-fuelled-by-algorithm, that is not helpful to anybody.

Mr. Chazz is my new favourite, I've heard people recommend him for years but somehow never actually got round to watching him until I came across a talk by him this evening and have just discovered he has a crossover with what I think is the best-written approach ever and basically all his advice stems from there. But even he preaches improvement over perfection, and warns that striving for perfection is too much pressure to put on yourself.

I did see some reposts from the tonie group on a snark page somewhere Grin Mainly people being upset that Christmas stories <gasp> mention Jesus or something like that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page