AIBU for thinking my partner is being unfair

[blueyavocado]

To provide a little context I live with my partner and 2 year old son, my partner is a stay at home dad at the moment and in doing a health care masters degree, which involves lengthy placements. I’m currently writing a 8000 word dissertation.

Anyway cut a long story short , I’m very tired , my son wakes at 5am and in the night, I’m busy in the evening cooking, cleaning and looking after our soon, then up late doing my work. My partner has never got up at 5am with our son and quite happily lays in until 10am even if I ask him to wake up. He doesn’t let me have the same lay in and insists I have it with our son at his nap time. If I do try and wake DP he gets very moody. he then moans because he’s tried and always says it’s absolutely exhausting looking after our son , which I know .

But he’s only been looking after him 10am -2pm most days on his own and the rest of my work I’ve been staying up late to do. He moans that he finds caring for our son exhausting , so I said why not get a job then and we take our son nursery, but he doesn’t want to start working until our son is 3 .

anyway little rant , AIBU for being annoyed ? I feel like he’s being really lazy

He is not a SAHD! He is a piss taking, cocklodging, waste of space!

He is completely taking advantage of you OP.
Don't let this be your life!

Op, for the life of me, I cannot imagine why you remain in a relationship with this man.

I am afraid it us a case if setting your bar higher, he is a lazy sod, a terrible Father and selfish as well.
This situation will not get any better, kick the lazy bastard out, trust me you are lucky you are not married to this prick.

Hahahahahaha

Funny that.

Are you prepared to put up with this con artist?

Oh, if only everyone could do that...

How does he cope with his placements? What happens on those days?

Where do you find the time to do your dissertation?

He finds it really stressful and he moans so much about it my last placement before I finish is in a few weeks and it’s 10 weeks full time , I’ve told him if he can’t cope then we need to make alternative arrangements and he needs to get a job

I feel a bit stuck, I’m not planning on having any more kids with him anytime in the near future

I’ve been doing the 10-2 at the library and then 8-midnight at home , our son goes to bed at 6:30ish

When is your DS 3 Op?
Do you rent or own a property together? I would be seriously thinking of going it alone if I were you.

Perhaps you should be reminding him of his primary carer role and what it involves....wouldn't it be a shame if was mentioned to anyone that he isn't the primary carer

He's not a stay at home parent. Stay at home parents don't spend only a few hours a day looking after their DC and leave the majority of work to the other parent. He is a lazy lay about looking for an excuse to not work. I doubt he will return when child is 3. You need to get rid of the dead weight.

2 adult household neither working ….who is actually paying the bills here dare I ask?!

Fucksake, this feels like the 10th thread about lazy DP/DH this weekend!

he's a lazy arsehole. 4 hours childcare a day does not a stay at home dad make! Fgs don't have anymore kids with him and make plans to leave. He will absolutely not get better

He's not a SAHP if he's only looking after your DS 10 til 2 and not cooking and cleaning. It's insane that you are getting up early every day with your DS and working until midnight. You are going to burn yourself out while he lazes around doing f-all.

Time to go work in the library 9-5 minimum. Wake him up and leave the house. Don't let him put everything on you OP

He's not a stay at home dad.
He's a lazy man in his 30's who wants to lie in bed till 10am every day and have hardly any responsibility. He is using your shared baby as an excuse to free load and claim benefit money for doing absolutely nothing. What an embarrassment he is.

Well it’s time you do 9-5 in the library. If you are not there he will have to step up and be a parent. Then you won’t have to work all evening.

come in OP. He is not a very nice partner or father but you are enabling this. Wake him up, leave the house and turn your phone off.

we do and we also share finances so it makes it complex

What do you mean be share finances? He doesn’t earn anything?

We have a joint bank account for our rent food etc

You need to tell him directly and sternly that he has two options.

1. He gets himself a job.

2. He actually does the duties of a stay at home parent.

My point was that he’s not putting anything in to it surely?

Where does the money in the joint account come from though?
Is he named on the tenancy?
If he does 4 hours a day of 'parenting', he is not primary carer. And I am feeling myself going a bit 'Daily Mail' that he is being state funded to be an feckless idle twat.

End the relationship before he actually is primary carer, as if you end it after, he could argue that he gets maintenance off you and you lose majority care of the child. Although if he is that idle, he would probably rather not bother. Not a risk I would choose to take.

So you had a baby and then both stopped working because you could claim benefits instead. Super.

This!