Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think i hacmve the ICK

52 replies

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 22:49

Hello

I have been with my fiance for 5 years. Engaged 2 years and we have a 5 month daughter. I live in his house. I moved in 2 years ago. I sold my house.

Before i moved in, he had a leak in the bathroom upstairs. He couldnt fix it but switching off the hot water stopped the leak. Since then, we have no hot water in the whole house except the shower but only because its electric.

He has a smaller bathroom upstairs he ripped out years before me. He wants to put a new bathroom in so he can work on the barhroom with the leak and we would still have a bathroom to use.

Well. We have argued non stop about this as he hasnt done it. In 2 years. I havent had hot water since living here except in the shower. I hate it. I have tried everything, offered to pay someone to just put in a new bathroom and find the other leak - nope (he wants to do it, im not even on the deeds anyway), i have stopped nagging (apparently i was creating a hostile environment whcih wasnt motivating), i have stopped talking about it (apparently I have made it all about me and what I want?!). No matter what I do, nothing is done.

He had 3 weeks off over Christmas and vowed to work on bathroom. He didnt. Instead, he did other bits around the house.. mainly because he didnt want people to think his house was a mess. He also has a 3d printer and has been printing off things just because he can. He made from scratch a games table with lights and speakers built in. We have argued about it. I said he could be fixing bathroom instead of this games table that only he wants. He said its for the family not him. So we can play games.. we dont play games?!

Anyway, last week he cut his finger quite badly amending this table. He had to go to a&e (cut using power tool). We agreed this weekend he would work on bathrooms. Today he complained his finger was still in agony. I said "is it easier to fix bathrooms next weekend then?" He said yes, as he cant put any pressure on it. Fair enough. So i said, lets still both do something productive to the house as its a tip.. it is, he says so too. He didnt like that and said "cant you see how that pisses me off, you are telling me what to do". I told him i didnt have "jobs for him" specifically but there is lots to do. 10 mins later he said he is switching power off. I ask what for, he said to put a new light fiting up in the room where the games table is. I said okay. He was gone 4 hours. 4 hours??! 4 hours where i had to do everything for our baby.

Afterwards, he appologised for time and said it all got complicated and a part broke. I was tempted to say "is your finger okay then??" But id be accused of "passive agressiveness" but it dawned on. He has no intention fixing the leak or the bathroom. If he did, we wouldnt be without hot water for 2 years. Its a joke. He isnt even motivated to do it for his baby who is nearly outgrowing her baby bath. Im fed up filling this up from the shower and then carrying it when i could use the actual bath!!

In that moment, tonight, i got the ick. I have made arrangements to see my mum tomorrow. Ill tell him tonight. I am so pissed off. He doesnt care, does he??
I think im done. I am upset as i do love him and obviously we have a daughter. He is all smiles tonight and has thanked me for a lovely day. Prick.

When did you get the ick??
Am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:
CheeseWisely · 10/01/2026 22:53

YABU not to have listened to everyone on the last thread about this same situation telling you to leave.

WingBingo · 10/01/2026 22:53

Good for you. He sounds like a useless prick.

bestbefore · 10/01/2026 22:55

How does anyone do the washing up? It’s really not good to neglect things like this. lm sorry

SwanRivers · 10/01/2026 22:55

I'm baffled that you've made this all about the 'ick' rather than why on earth you two thought it was a good idea, to have a baby in a house that's a complete tip and has no hot water??

You've lived in that house for 2 years without hot water, and now with a 5 month old baby and it's not been sorted?

I hope you kept your money from your house sale.

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 22:55

Most things go in the dishwasher. Other things, we wash up by boiling the kettle.

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 10/01/2026 22:56

CheeseWisely · 10/01/2026 22:53

YABU not to have listened to everyone on the last thread about this same situation telling you to leave.

Oh, I had no idea this isn't the OP's first post.

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 22:57

Maybe i didnt. But tonight thats it.

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 10/01/2026 22:58

I have made arrangements to see my mum tomorrow. Ill tell him tonight.

What does this even mean?

WinterWooliesBaa · 10/01/2026 23:00

CheeseWisely · 10/01/2026 22:53

YABU not to have listened to everyone on the last thread about this same situation telling you to leave.

Oh. Good to know.

@MyTipsyPeachPoet can you stay at your mums?

you do need to leave, you aren't an equal in the house (because it hasn't become yours together. It's still 'his' on a day to day basis) it's no way to live. He's not motivated to make life/the house nice 'for the family' if he wants to act like a single bloke. Living like a single bloke, leave him to it.

he's no role model for DD, you're better off being a single strong mum.

do you still have funds from your house sale? Will you be able to buy somewhere?

I know it's not easy! It's hard when you live someone. But he's not loving you back 🥲 & you need to prioritise your DD & yourself & you both deserve better than this!!

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:02

I am just visiting my mum but will see how he choses to spend his day. If he does something to the bathroom, ill be happy.
Tomorrow will make my mind up, ie, if he chills all day or works on this gamestable.
I hate this house.

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 10/01/2026 23:03

He doesnt care, does he??
Correct. He doesn't care about you or the baby.

Time to make plans to leave before the baby starts crawling in his messy, dirty, broken house.

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:03

Yes have my house funds. Thats how i was offering to pay for this housework.

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 10/01/2026 23:04

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:02

I am just visiting my mum but will see how he choses to spend his day. If he does something to the bathroom, ill be happy.
Tomorrow will make my mind up, ie, if he chills all day or works on this gamestable.
I hate this house.

So you'll be back soon with another thread I expect.

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:05

SwanRivers · 10/01/2026 23:04

So you'll be back soon with another thread I expect.

No. If theres a need, i can always update this thread but only if people are interested.

OP posts:
Burningbud1981 · 10/01/2026 23:05

SwanRivers · 10/01/2026 23:04

So you'll be back soon with another thread I expect.

I thought she’d posted this before !

Neveranynamesleft · 10/01/2026 23:07

Do not pay for anything in his house. Do not waste anymore time on him, he is taking the mick. What do you get out of this relationship ??

gamerchick · 10/01/2026 23:08

Look, go to your mothers. Tell him to let you know when there's hot water. The. Sort out somewhere for you and your child to live.

You don't need to live together.

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:09

This is why its hard. He does equal share of housework. He is a great dad. He doesnt spend his time out socialising all the time or wasting family money. I really love him but this house is a tip. Yet he is constantly moaning about somw boxes i havent unpacked but theres no storage anywhere.

OP posts:
MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:11

I cant even look at him tonight. When he was playing with our daughter i felt sadness that ive basically had enough. I dont want to end it over hot water tho. But why not take me up on my offer to pay, multiple times??

OP posts:
stomachamelon · 10/01/2026 23:11

This sounds familiar.

stomachamelon · 10/01/2026 23:12

Leave. Pack a bag and go. Come Back when water is hot and bathroom is finished.
All sorted.

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:13

Ive threatened that and have been accused of being controlling and nagging him

OP posts:
Burningbud1981 · 10/01/2026 23:16

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:13

Ive threatened that and have been accused of being controlling and nagging him

Look I’m not normally a fan of the LTB advice but I think it’s warranted here. You live in a dilapidated house with a baby. He’s shown no interest in making things better for you. He does nothing. I think you know what to do.

SwanRivers · 10/01/2026 23:16

MyTipsyPeachPoet · 10/01/2026 23:09

This is why its hard. He does equal share of housework. He is a great dad. He doesnt spend his time out socialising all the time or wasting family money. I really love him but this house is a tip. Yet he is constantly moaning about somw boxes i havent unpacked but theres no storage anywhere.

If that's your idea of a great dad, I despair.

Great parents provide decent, basic living standards for their babies and children.

They don't bring them home from hospital to a shit tip with no hot water.

Dollyfloss · 10/01/2026 23:16

What the above poster said ⬆️

With men like this you have to show them you mean business.

My dh can be a procrastinator and lazy about doing stuff around the house. But when I threatened divorce, went to see a solicitor and moved to my dm’s for a few weeks he soon pulled his finger out and miraculously managed to get the things done that had needed doing for years.

If he still won’t - you have your answer.