Ex wont return a phone I bought

[PunnyOliveMentor]

I share two children to this horrible man and our relationship was always toxic.
We have been separated for about 7 years and even when we were together it was very on and off.

He was physically, mentally and verbally abusive which lots of things were reported.

He has always tried to make my life difficult ever since. I have been with my current partner for almost 5 years and we share a son together and have another on the way. My ex has been with his partner around a year and I thought this might mellow him but hey ho he's still the same.

I bought a phone for my son to play games on a while ago but months ago when he went to his dad's he took it in his bag. Ever since ive been asking for it back and his dad refuses. He did call me last week and said I could have it back if I sign a form for him to get put on one of our children's birth certificates (he isnt on it because he wasn't interested when he was born)
I refused because there was no way I was going to meet up with him.

When I collected the kids yesterday I asked my son where the phone was and he said his dad said he couldn't have it. I knocked on the door to ask for it and he just shut the door in my face.

Im just sick of all the crap from him really. I spoke to 101 and asked if there was anything they can do and they are going to come and speak to me next week. AIBU?

Report him to the police for theft. The phone is your property and you have the receipt. He has taken it. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

If he wants to be on the birth certificate, he can apply to the court, like anyone else. He doesn't need your signature. Don't pander to his controlling nonsense.

Report the phone stolen and have it shut off.

@Steamedcarrot he is 6 and a half. The phone is just for him to play games with his cousins when he has his screen time. No sim.

@Meadowfinch @outerspacepotato I have reported it and they are coming to see me next week.
I do have a open case at the moment for coercive control too but its just a matter of being able to prove all the crap

you log it onto the house Wi-Fi.

@Steamedcarrot yes I believe he does let him. And without a sim it can only be used for the Internet if he has access to WiFi.

I am just fed up of him making everything difficult. There is sooooo much that he has done and this is just another thing to add to the list.

@Steamedcarrot his brother uses it he says. The thing is aswell is that his dad just sticks them on their games and leaves them to it!

when you was there asking for the phone back and he said no and shut the door on you then you should have called the police there and then. Not 101 when you get home. It’s theft call the police for keeping the peace in a domestic matter. That’s what they are there for.
I’m sorry but you add to it by continue to keep doing this back and forth with him. He knows he can get a reaction and response from you which people like him THRIVE on. Dead these situations in the moment who gives a fuxk to cause a scene. You purchased the phone for your son. It’s YOUR property he has. End of. Next time play the petty game. Sorry kids you ain’t taking this to your dads because he won’t give it back and you’ll be without. Your child is old enough to want and have a phone they should be old enough to understand the need to take care of it and not take it to dads.
im sorry to say you’ve tuened a straightforward situation and caused it to be drama which is being strung along now. Bet your ex is loving it.

@SeenItAllMostly I called the police afterwards as tbh I didnt really think it would be classed as anything criminal. He shut the door in my face and I left as I had my children with me and my children dont need to be exposed to any arguments. And the police also wouldn't have come right there and then. He called the police on me before when I went to the house and they didnt come and instead called me days later telling me I could be arrested if I go again!

@Steamedcarrot younger and because my other son plays on the Xbox he says.

@SeenItAllMostly just to add, if I had stayed then that would have caused drama and in front of my kids. By me leaving and calling the police the children havent been exposed to anything and the police can handle it. And i dont want him disrespecting me in front of my boys!

Depending On if there are police in the area and not on any other major jobs yes they will come I have years of experience in this helping other women in these situations. Call and say there’s a volatile history and he’s taken your phone. He’s shut the door on you and you need the police to come out and get your property back. They’ll soon come. All this my children don’t need to be exposed to any arguments. They clearly are aware of the dysfunctional relationship and now your poor son has to go without. There is a line where you show them no we don’t allow this kind of behaviour in our lives and also to show them the police are a good presence in your life where they can in that moment retrieve your phone and hand it back. I think you’d have felt better in that moment if you put rhe kids in the car put the radio on. Called the police then given your son your phone to play on while you wait and then handled the situation. Everything doesn’t need to be so dyer. When you dont handle situations you allow yourself to be walked on. Which has happened now impacting your child. I know what I would have rather done in that instance.
also can I add he may have called the police on you before but for other issues the call handler obviously would have thought about his behaviour or tone of voice and taken their own opinion as to if he was bullshitding or not to have a patrol come out. They clearly decided he wasn’t worth giving the attention to that day. Don’t let that occasion impact future ones. You call them on 999 whenever you need them. Sounds like your going to need as many reports in your favour as possible for what’s to come

I would call the police back and ask to report it as a theft rather than then just coming to see you. Can you see where the phone is? Like ‘find my iPhone’ kind of thing. I’m pretty sure they should attending a reported theft more quickly than this and you’ve likely played it down to them (I would be exactly the same as you, explaining that it’s an ex etc but it shouldn’t matter) Call back and say ‘I would like to report a theft’, be factual but ensure you are clear that you want your property back and have been refused and would like to escalate the matter. If you get it back don’t let your son take it there again.

@Steamedcarrot £100 phone. Totally irrelevant as its my property and not his.

Yes there is a story there. There are many years worth of stories. He was abusive and continues to be abusive.

Back in the summer he made accusations against me and my partner which resulted in us both being arrested and not allowed any of our children unsupervised. I was on bail for 3 months until they dropped it and during that time the children I share with him stayed with him. Social services of course got involved. No concerns with regards to me and my partner. My ex allowed me to see the kids twice in 3 months! Even though SS insisted it was important. Only allowed 2 phone calls a week which he listened in on.
I was supposed to see my children on one occasion and he cancelled. Wouldn't answer the phone and I had no contact with them so I went to his girlfriends house as I wanted to see my kids (he told me I could see them at his home whenever I wanted apparently)

When I got there he called the police and told them I was breaching my bail conditions which I wasn't. Police called me a few days later and told me if I go back to his house I could be arrested, for what reason exactly I still dont know.

I had to take my youngest child to school with my sister escorting me and seeing my other two boys being taken by their paternal great grandmother, scared to talk to me because their dad had made them feel they couldn't.
When I went to pick the children up one day he told his grandmother to send them out without shoes because he wouldn't send shoes he bought! When I spoke to his grandmother at school about this she reported it to the school and insisted I intimidated her luckily I recorded the whole conversation to cover my back.
He has made my life HELL and is destroyed me not being able to have my own kids because of his bull! SS are still involved because they are concerned about his behaviour towards me.

I honestly have felt so close to giving up and it has been so draining, physically and mentally. I just want to raise my children and enjoy my family without worrying about what he is planning next!!

Just let it go.
Dont engage.
Dont show that you bothered.

Your ex is using this to get at you.
Lesson learned.

Never send ds with anything expensive or that you need back.

@Lamentingalways they video called this morning to take a statement but the officer said he couldnt do it because he wouldn't have my full attention with children around so he will send someone in a few days to my home instead

If ds needs same at yours buy a cheaper tablet on cex. Or backmarket. Dont spend more than 30.

Stop dropping the dc off. Say you won't risk being arrested..