To think this can’t be normal?

[stillawakeagain1]

Sorry if this makes no sense I havent slept properly in weeks and my head feels fuzzy.

My baby will NOT sleep unless hes being held or moving and I’m honestly at breaking point now. I know babies wake a lot but this feels constant and I dont know if I’m just being dramatic because I’m exhausted or if something is actually wrong.

Hes 10 weeks old, really refluxy, cries most of the time hes awake and will not settle in the cot at all. The second I put him down hes screaming again. He sleeps in the pram or if I’m holding him but obviously I cant do that all night every night.

I’m running on about an hour here and there and its starting to feel unsafe because I’m so tired. HV says reflux and “normal newborn stuff” but this doesnt feel normal to me anymore?

AIBU to think this cant just be how it is? Or do I need to push more because I dont know how much longer I can cope like this.

Please be honest but kind I’m really struggling today.

I thought you were going to say he was about 10months not 10 weeks. Poor little thing is in discomfort, it will pass.

Dd1 was like that. I thought she hated me! She’s 17 now and wonderful - easy toddler onwards and a fab teenager. Go into survival mode and get through, a few more weeks will be very different.

we ended up under a paediatrician for reflux and he got her on solids at 17 weeks which changed a lot and she was far happier. Then improved again at 6 months onwards. With hindsight I would have chilled out and co slept as and when needed - we did this when next pregnancy was twins. We nearly didn’t have a second pregnancy but by 2.5 years old we realised newborn was short really (doesn’t feel it at the time). Having twins felt like someone was taking the piss but they were premature and slept - did what the books said they should. It was a very different experience! They were terror toddlers though, but lovely teenagers.

I'm so sorry, but I've had three exactly like this.

Do you have any support from a partner? We slept in shifts for the first twelve weeks and then I cosleep safely following the safe sleep 7. It was a game changed and we all got so much more sleep.

It doesn't last forever, you are in the hardest part. What I've always tried to do is change what I can and let go of what I can't because it's much easier for me to say go to bed at 7 and sleep till 11 while my husband holds the baby then try and get baby to sleep on their own when they're programmed not to.

If it helps my older two are great sleepers now and have been happily sleeping through for years in their own rooms. They are very securely attached and happy, bright, wonderful things despite needing holding 24/7 for their first few months.

Try and sleep whenever you can. Look up happy co sleeper on Instagram as she has some chest sleeping guidance. Set up your bed to safely cosleep - nothing is more dangerous than accidentally falling asleep in a chair/ sofa/ bed that's not set up. So make sure it's safe and get as much sleep as you can when you can.

Sorry you’re having a crap time 💐

Wanting to be help or in contact for sleep is completely normal. 10 weeks ago he was inside you, always warm, could hear your heartbeat, was squished in cosily. He wants what he was used to. Are you cosleeping? Is he BF or FF? For reflux have you seen the GP as well as your HV? Is he taking anything for it? Might he have allergies that cause him pain? There are safe meds they can have for reflux. I’d see the GP asap in case there’s anything they can suggest and then whatever else they say try and lean into whatever gets you both the most sleep - using a sling, cosleeping etc.

I would say it’s kinda normal, though by 10 weeks, you should be coming out the other side a bit.

Are you single? Where’s your partner in this? Assuming you have another adult in the house, you shouldn’t be getting only an hour of sleep a night.

I used to hand mine off to Dh by 7pm and go to bed. He’d wear them in a sling and walk around the lounge watching a series on tv until 1am or so, with a break around 10pm ish to bring them to me for a feed. It meant that every night I got a solid 5 ish hours of sleep before we even started the main part of the night when sleep would be more broken. So even if I only got another hour or 2, I’d get 6-7 hours every night. We did this probably the first 8-10 weeks and then could start putting them down in bed next to me (Dh slept on the sofa or the floor).

This is normal. How was the birth? Baby chiro helped us.

Is dad on the scene?

If so, split shifts. He takes baby from 8-midnight. You put in ear plugs, sleep mask, white noise and get a chunk of sleep. You then do the night shift till about 6, when he takes over and above you get another couple of hours. Amend based on working patterns etc. If baby is breastfed, try expressing during day to leave a bottle for that longer evening shift or just get some ready made formula for the purpose.

I also coslept with mine as babies and got so much more sleep that way. Cot was used for storing stuff!

I feel your pain but it will get better. My DD was like this. She had reflux and literally screamed her head off for the first 4 months. I finally tried Gaviscon baby sachets and she was a changed baby overnight so speak to your GP about that. I couldn’t put my DD down. She would sleep for hours in my arms but the minute I put her down, she’d wake. I tried everything like wrapping her in blankets so she didn’t feel so much of a difference when I put her down but that didn’t work either. I finally read something that said your baby will be a much more settled, happy and contented baby if held and cuddled and they would be a most stable and happy toddler - that sorted it for me - I relaxed and went with it knowing that that period wouldn’t last long and it would be beneficial- I would do anything to go back to that time now for baby cuddles 🥰 Hope you get on ok - it’s hard but this period will pass quickly x

Yes can be normal unfortunately. He’s still in the 4th trimester and just wants to be close to you. My dd was like this, she finally started going into her crib around 12 weeks old. Me and DH slept in shifts, half a night each whilst he was off work and on work nights I’d take the majority but he would have dd until midnight and then again at 5am so I could sleep a few hours in the evening and then an hours nap before his work.

When I fell asleep standing up, I switched to cosleeping.

Was absolutely paranoid so followed all the safety rules in triplicate, but it was the only thing that stopped me from insanity.

(Kid still sleeps with me and he's at school, but whatever!)

He is BF and yes DP is here before people ask. He has DS (4) overnight because he literally does not sleep until about 10pm and then is up again at 5am so DP stays downstairs with him otherwise he wakes everyone inc the baby and it’s absolute carnage. That’s been the only way we’ve been surviving it.

DP does take the baby sometimes but DS will scream for him if he hears him upstairs so it ends up worse. I know it sounds mad written down. DS is very attached to DP esp at night.

HV says reflux and to keep him upright etc which I am doing constantly (hence no sleep). GP just said the same last time and I feel stupid going back again but I also dont know how much longer I can keep doing this on basically nothing.

I’m not against cosleeping I’m just terrified because I’m so exhausted already and I dont trust myself not to fall asleep in a bad position. I’m already scared I’ll drop him sometimes when I’m that tired which is horrible to admit.

I know people say split shifts but its hard with DS being awake so late and up so early and DP not coping well either. I’m not saying its ideal just that this is where we are atm.

I honestly just needed to know if this level of screaming and not sleeping is actually normal at 10 weeks or if I should be pushing harder because it doesnt feel sustainable.

It is normal. I put my newborn in the pram & sat watching TV rocking it for hours, until the early hours! Sometimes she would sleep for a bit & I would lie on the sofa & close my eyes. It does improve.

Or my DH would walk up & down holding her while i slept in bed.

Do you have a partner or someone who can help out for a bit so you can sleep?

Sorry just seen your update. That sounds very hard. Have they given you anything for the reflux?

Unfortunately yes, it is normal but it does get better. My daughter was the same, couldn’t be put down her moses basket was just an ornament really it was never used, cried unless being held & upright, very unsettled. She grew out of it. Now have a 9 week old baby boy and I could not believe it when I put him in his moses basket and he just…slept! Every baby is different, some do just need that extra help but they do grow out of it x

A friend had a baby who was similar. She ended up getting a rocking swing similar to the one in the link below which she said was a life saver during the day (I don’t think you’re supposed to use them at night but it was over 20 years ago).

https://www.boots.com/graco-baby-delight-swing-in-parade-10350934?traffic=paid.shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19973634862&gbraid=0AAAAA-AdmwQpCPgQgKNk8ymuiXq_eGOCR&gclid=CjwKCAiAjojLBhAlEiwAcjhrDo4KM-GBE_r0oa-3JbOlM2C7OXmO5dUB4hpM8S6CRDXnoEq7t64-eBoCu3QQAvD_BwE

My three were all like this. Co sleeping cured the problem

It is normal, but it’s not sustainable if DH isn’t taking night shifts.

My babies were nightmare sleepers at that age. It does get better

I do feel for you, my first was horrendously colicky and was like this. What are YOU eating? I found there were things that really upset my EBF babies after I ate them. Specifically, grapefruit or oranges, hot/spicy food, and caffeinated coffee. Try following a simple bland diet for a few days and see if it helps, it certainly won't do any harm to try.

Might also be worth trying Infacol drops, it's an old-fashioned remedy but might help.

Good luck.

Can your partner hold the baby except when baby needs to BF? That would allow you to lay down and get some quick naps. Unfortunately, this does sound normal and should settle down in a few weeks, but if you can't ever lay horizontal until then because the baby will cry, then that's not going to work. I understand that your partner is also tired but not as tired as you. He needs to help out more (hold baby, burp baby, do diaper changes, etc.) so you can get some naps in, even short ones.

If his reflux is this bad he needs prescription medication from your GP. Just because this is relatively common it’s still not something you all just put up with. There are various meds to try as well as different sleeping positions.

This situation can and will improve but you can speed it along and make life better for you all. Poor baby must be completely exhausted too.

I think its normal, but actually the 4 year old is less normal. We coped by shifts because the 4 year old didn't need us at night as much by that point. Could you work on 4 yr old sleep?

I co slept because I got so tired I felt myself taking microsleeps while driving.

Its literal torture. Co sleep safely right next to baby and things will improve, and at some point in the future this will all be an extremely fuzzy memory. You can do this.

Yeah, it isn't ideal, but mine would only sleep in a bouncy vibrating chair for the first few months. You just need to do whatever you need to get through it.

My baby is 12 weeks and like you, I was at breaking point! Things improved just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore! I was so tired my vision was hallucinating rodent tails whipping in and out of the corners of my eyes. I sat on my sofa deliriously breastfeeding, trying to “move my eyes quicker” to find the rodents.

Co-sleeping is what saved us. I appreciate it does not work for everyone. I was really hesitant about it and HV said to start by doing it with partner watching. We used the breast/c curl and had nothing at all on the bed. The HV had me try out the curl on the floor. It is actually really hard to move out of this position once in it. My husband works from home so actually just sat working for a few days while me and baby co-slept with his supervision. I then realised we were completely safe and now we cosleep every night and I actually like it. I love watching her sleep (and getting enough sleep myself!) I also think I’m so lucky to spend this time with her, which was REALLY not how I felt about cosleeping when I started it out of desperation.

My baby still won’t go in the pram so I’m not an expert, but have you tried a rockit? Is your pram “safe for sleep”? If so, maybe this is your solution?

I also saw a hammock type swing mentioned upthread. Things like this are a much greater SIDs risk than cosleeping.

Newborns cry.

Mine was a little angel in the hospital and at home the first night. Babies can’t deal with gas and they get reflux so they are in pain.

My child’s GP refused to prescribe anything for the reflux so we gave him all of his formula sitting up.

Do you have a partner?

You know it’s ok to put your baby in their for while you have a shower?

I did this and usually the crying would stop.