To send out save the dates for a 40th birthday celebration?

[catching]

To be held in May. Everyone very busy, go on lots of holidays etc.

Totally fine but keep the tone light - it's totally ok if some of your friends want to prioritise their holidays or other plans over your 40th, it's not a major celebration.

But you can send out a "heads up - I'm starting to plan my 40th birthday celebration on (date) including hosting you for a nice dinner so please pop the date in your diary if you can"

Don't expect commitment this early for the purpose of catering numbers. Assume about 70%-80% of those you invite will come but choose a venue and a menu that won't bankrupt you if you get a 90% acceptance rate. More than 90% is vanishingly unlikely. You can ask people for a firm RSVP a month before.

If you are hosting it in a private room, there will be plenty of flexibility on numbers. The room I occasionally book for groups of 10-12 is officially rated to take up to 25 but we don't feel it's too big, the rooms' capacity ratings are always for a really quite crowded setup so if you are inviting 10, expect about 8 but book a room that will take 12 and you'll be fine.

This sounds like a small group thing rather than a big party with flexibility over numbers, so do your formal invitations requesting RSVP.

EDIT: MN seems a bit off for me today. I quoted one of the OP's posts, not this one. 🙇🏻‍♀️

If you already have the room booked, just send RSVP invitations now. Ignore previous 'too early' roastings!!

I personally don't like being committed so far in advance, especially for a birthday (bad enough for a wedding) but I can choose to commit or miss out, can't I!! You want/need to know numbers. So just crack on!

I'd find 'save the date' very pretentious.

I honestly agree re save the dates. Fine for weddings

I would think it was very odd if I received a 'save the date' card for someone's birthday. Seems a bit princessy and OTT. But I would find it perfectly normal if a friend messaged me to say what your plan is and ask if they can come.

I’d do a WhatsApp group then you can nag for numbers closer to the time!

Defo just invite them now. I've got stuff booked in right up till the end of the year already.

Fine to let people know but it sounds like you want them to confirm they can come so you need to send invites really and explain the details.

This happens with my crowd. We’ve had two save the dates already so far this year one of which is for the end of April.

There’s no harm in sending a save the date text or the proper invitation now, but I wouldn’t expect people to avoid going on holiday for the sake of a birthday party no matter how much noice they have. If you’re not having the party over the May half term it should be fine.

Send the invites, seal the deal

Not sending invites too early. Adult events are completely different

I don't see the point in sending a formal 'Save the Date'.

If you know the details, then send the invitations now, then you will get a better idea of whether people can come or not. If you haven't got the details yet, then send the key people a WhatsApp to say you are hoping to hold a dinner in a private dining room on X date, to celebrate your birthday, and would love it if they could come so can they save the date please.

That said, if I were trying to book a holiday, and other things aligned for that week, I'd not 'not book' the holiday because of a friend's birthday party unless I have several options of different weeks (which isn't how life tends to work out).

As someone who rarely wants to go to these events, I find save the date a nightmare. It usually means I can’t find a “valid” excuse but that’s me being unsociable.

40 is peak flakiness age. Deffo try to get an idea of who will come but be prepared for drop-outs close to, and on the night.

If thats what you want to do then do it. A save the date suggests to me that you really want this person to attend.

I'd see a "save the date" as optional, it's a heads up. Lots of people trying to juggle annual leave, partners annual leave, school holidays etc won't actually hold the date if they want to get away and don'tsee your 40th as a higher priority. So I think if the reason for sending it is to ensure everyone comes then it might not work. If it's genuinely just to give a heads up, because you think lots of people will want to know that far in advance then go for it. A friend got really annoyed with me when she sent a save the date for her wedding, my mum wanted a huge abroad celebration of her 60th and dad's 55th and she booked a huge villa as a surprise Christmas present for the entire family. My casual friends wedding wasn't enough for me to say no to my mums lovely idea, so when the invite to the wedding came around I rsvpd No and she messaged saying "how can you do this, I told you to save the date". To me, save the date is more of a "heads up, if you want to come, here is when it'll be" not a "dont you dare book something because this is me telling you to hold the date above all else". So just a warning if that's what you're hoping it'll ensure! People also only rsvp to an actual invite, so if you need that info - just send an invite.

I would

we sent out WhatsApp heads up for a party at end of Jan in September

actual invites went out mid December (with Christmas cards to save on stamp costs 😂😂😂)

Just send the invite. I'd not bath and eyelid at getting an invite now for May

I agree with this, both the part about what is more important if dates clash, but also in terms of what a 'Save the Date' means. ie that it is an invitation to Save the Date if you want to, not a 'demand'.

Invitations sent and all have rsvpd YES except one who is on holiday.

This but if not too many people just check with friends first.

If you all have school aged children avoid the end of May.

Earlier the better! I have events in through until December. Earlier I know better it is.

Send out invites with a RSVP now

YANBU, we, and friends, have generally sent out save the dates 3-4 months ahead of big parties to be sure it's in people's diaries otherwise they do get booked up. And made a whatsapp group for attendees for reminders a week or two before, and info on the day