AIBU by dressing like how my old clique at school dressed, since it comes across as "gangster" to some people?

[meltycat]

I've always been a tomboy and almost all my friends were lads. They'd accepted me into their group like I was one of them, and it was because of them my teenage years were the best in my life (I'm 22 now). They never failed to make me laugh and both my parents are autistic and whenever I open up to show any emotion other than 100% happiness they lose it and tell me to grow up or get on with it. This clique was always there for me, whenever I was crying they'd all come up to me and ask me "what's wrong?" and talk to me for ages to make sure I'm okay. They always made sure I was safe. It was them who talked me out of a huge depressive episode I had once and I won't forget that. It's because of them I've went out of my way to protect people just like they did to me

Now they've moved on in their lives. I feel happy for them but it's bittersweet too. They still dress the same but they've all left Facebook and I have no idea where they went so I feel sort of empty. I miss that sense of belonging and I miss those friends. I still dress like how they did because it feels so sentimental to me

I didn't really think anything of it until an old woman in a shop told me that I dress like a "gangster". Me and my friends were not like that, we were really friendly people but I can kind of see where she's coming from without context. The cap, the gold rings and bracelet, 110s, Hoodrich. Yeah I've seen videos of American gangsters dressing similarly. I just feel way more confident when I dress this way but I'm wondering if most people who saw me would get the wrong idea?

I don’t know what you are asking or why you’re asking this on Mumsnet?
most people do not care what you wear.

Dress how you want, it's your life.

Have you definitely not got any of your friend's phone numbers though?

I find that a bit odd.

Because I feel more comfortable asking on a forum for mums than to ask my mum and dad because they're weird when it comes to emotional stuff?

Why do you need to ask any parent at all?

They're just clothes.

If you like them, wear them.

Seems weird that a 22 year old has lost friends because of Facebook. Nobody I know that age is on Facebook!

That's what I was thinking.

Most 22 year olds wouldn't have left Facebook because they wouldn't have joined it in the first place.

You can wear whatever you want.

Do you work? Do you wear professional clothes when you need to? Clothes, rightly or wrongly do make people feel a certain way, if you're happy with the 'vibe' in those clothes and can dress professionally when you need to, nothing else matters.

Your post does come across a little childish though. Its strange you were so close to this group and can't contact ANY of them? Do you have other friends?

Or only joined it to placate their granny!

OP, I don’t think the clothes are the issue here. What are you doing to move on from the teenage years you seem to idolise so much? Because at 22, the best years of your life should still be in front of you.

We communicated over Facebook when we weren't in person. I chose not to have a phone because of the tracking and stuff so I just had a desktop computer. I became ill in a way that left me bedbound for years and when I got treatment and got back on everything changed

The tracking? Ah.

I didn't have a phone. I chose not to, had a desktop computer, and Facebook was the way we communicated when not in person. I got really sick and was bedbound for years. When I got better and back to normal again I saw they'd all moved on. I don't have other friends no, and it was recent I got better. So I just feel lost tbh

You can wear what you want of course but some might think it strange for a 22 year old woman to dress this way.

If you actually wanted to discuss fashion and style, and maybe ask for advice and suggestions, you would have been much better off on the Style & Beauty board. (The Wear what you like response is thoroughly disapproved of there.)

I’m uncertain of why you would choose to place this thread on AIBU unless you’re hoping to cause some sort of provocation, or have some other agenda?

Sorry, I'm new here and didn't realise that forum existed

Should I delete this thread and repost in the other forum?

Are you working or studying? Do you dress very differently to other people you see every day? What you wear should make you feel happy and comfortable but, of course, we often form opinions about people based on their outward appearance so you might have to decide if you want to project that image.

Not currently working or studying. My illness left me with CFS and other brain problems so my future feels a bit uncertain. I've only recently got better though. Anyway I've posted in the style thread like people said which seems more appropriate than here

👍

I'm sorry, it sounds like you've had a really tough time. It must be a huge relief to be recovering now.

I was a tom boy as a teenager and dressed that way for most of my 20s too. Go for it! It's your style, enjoy it.

My style changed as I got older and got used to wearing work clothes, but in my 50s now and still feel most comfortable in jeans.

On a total random one, have you heard of the musician Ren? You can find him on YouTube.
His story might chime with you - he spend many years in his teens and 20s bed bound and debilitated by Lyme's disease, which was for a long time misdiagnosed as being all in his mind.

He writes about dealing with long term illness, among other things, and has a fabtastic community of supportive fans around him many of whom have had similar experiences.

He also managed to beat Rick Ashley's come back single to number 1 despite Ren being a totally independent artist - no record label, which is quite a feat IMO.

It's hard to say what genre his music is as he releases music across several different genres, but this one - Hi Ren - is a performance piece that's a good introduction.

by

Yeah, it's been a lot. I have so much to talk about concerning how I feel, but my mum and dad are just weird when it comes to that due to them being autistic. Last time I cried they told me to grow up and get on with it which is a real big difference to how that clique treated me.

I haven't heard of Ren but thanks for letting me know! I'll look into his story. Already there's similarities. I just mostly feel lonely and abit lost right now.

Oh, also, please try to ignore the posters who are being less than helpful.

This place can be a fantastic source of advice, company and humour. I've been here the best part of 20 years and wouldn't be without it.

However it does also tend to attract some people who just like to tear strips of people, and this section, AIBU, is often full of them.

They appear to enjoy lording it over other people / just being arseholes. Best ignored IMO.

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit lost.

It is really hard when you've been ill and it feels like everyone else has moved on, my heart goes out to you.

It won't be like this forever though, I promise. You are young and the world is your oyster, even if it doesn't feel like it just now.

Many of us on this forum have had to rebuild our lives, for many reasons - sometimes as simple as moving to a town where you don't know anyone, or fleeing a toxic relationship, or after illness, like you.

Making new friends as an adult is totally doable. It takes time, but you'll get there.

In the meantime keep posting here, it's great for company if you can ignore the arseholes!

You wear what you feel good wearing. Don't let anyone tell you how to dress when you're out and about. Your style is yours.

Oh, and in case Hi Ren is a bit out there / not your cup of tea, here he is in happy mode instead, having fun busking with his band The Big Push.

He can't tour like most musicians because of how debilitating his illness can still be sometimes, so he's solved that one by only doing occasional gigs, or busking when he feels well enough, on his own terms.

My son introduced me to Ren when I was stuck at home with COVID and suffice to say I'm a fan now 😁

The reality that all the wear what you like brigade seem to gloss over is that people do judge by appearances. People make assumptions based on the way you dress. if you're okay with that, wear what you like. If you want to attract new friends I might think what messages your clothes say about you.

You are very young though. Your best years should be ahead of you. Try to embrace new things rather than clinging to the past. I started over again at your age in new city. I didn't know anybody and I was very lonely at first. The years afterward though were the best years of my life. I am sorry your parents are so unsupportive - my husband is on the spectrum and I'm sure he loves me and tries to be supportive but sometimes misses the mark.