AIBU by dressing like how my old clique at school dressed, since it comes across as "gangster" to some people?

[meltycat]

I've always been a tomboy and almost all my friends were lads. They'd accepted me into their group like I was one of them, and it was because of them my teenage years were the best in my life (I'm 22 now). They never failed to make me laugh and both my parents are autistic and whenever I open up to show any emotion other than 100% happiness they lose it and tell me to grow up or get on with it. This clique was always there for me, whenever I was crying they'd all come up to me and ask me "what's wrong?" and talk to me for ages to make sure I'm okay. They always made sure I was safe. It was them who talked me out of a huge depressive episode I had once and I won't forget that. It's because of them I've went out of my way to protect people just like they did to me

Now they've moved on in their lives. I feel happy for them but it's bittersweet too. They still dress the same but they've all left Facebook and I have no idea where they went so I feel sort of empty. I miss that sense of belonging and I miss those friends. I still dress like how they did because it feels so sentimental to me

I didn't really think anything of it until an old woman in a shop told me that I dress like a "gangster". Me and my friends were not like that, we were really friendly people but I can kind of see where she's coming from without context. The cap, the gold rings and bracelet, 110s, Hoodrich. Yeah I've seen videos of American gangsters dressing similarly. I just feel way more confident when I dress this way but I'm wondering if most people who saw me would get the wrong idea?

Autism runs in families. You might be autistic too. The tomboyness and the overanalysing and taking to heart a rude comment both make me suspect that.

I recommend that you wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and feels authentic to you. Clothing can be a form of masking and wearing something that feels wrong is tiring. This doesn't preclude trying different styles on when shopping to see if they also feel authentic.

Oh, and please consider dropping in on the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board.

@meltycat yes you wear what you want to however when you make that choice you need to understand that all people who don’t know you will make their own initial judgement of what sort of person you are based on how you look.

Im not certain your question is genuine since I can’t quite believe any 20year old wouldn’t recognise the very obvious vibe given by your choices (swagger pants, hoodrich, gold chains). Yes these obviously say roadman/gangster/steer clear when a stranger has to make an initial first impression. Anyone who says people don’t make initial assumptions is deluded. It’s human psychology and unavoidable.

You sound a little sad and lonely. If you can start branching out a little and trying new clubs I’m sure you will make new friends whatever you are wearing

Totes 22. Bless.

Would you reconsider getting a phone?

DD is 25 and keeps in touch with her friends on Snapchat and WhatsApp, which you need a phone for.

I'm sorry your parents are so shit. Dress however you like and see if you can track down your friends in Insta or Discord or wherever young adults are, maybe get a non-smart phone so you can at least call and text people.

Can’t you just search for your friends on Instagram?

Have you had any therapy to deal with the aftermath of your condition? If not, you probably should.

At the moment, you seem to be frozen in time. Everyone and everything has moved on, but you’re still exactly in the same place (including emotionally). You need to also move forward, even if it’s very slowly. This is not just about what you wear.

OP Have you been assessed for autism? I am autistic and had the same frozen in time thing for a long time.
I'm the emotional type whereas my sister is the systemising logical type.
Clothing-wise, wear what makes you comfortable but at the same time, be aware that some people judge based on clothing.

Have you thought about doing some volunteering? I manage a group of volunteers and they are the most diverse group you’ll ever encounter. I was watching an 80+ year old in a twin set and pearls working with a teen with pink hair and a nose piercing. It was lovely watching them laugh together.

Are you the poster always posting about “chavs”?

Have a wider look for your crew, loveie. It sounds like you need some people who know you well.

When my late partner died, I wanted to tell some people who had been very good friends of his years before, but that he'd lost contact with. I managed to find one person, who had a strong look so was easy to spot, on Instagram. He got hold of everyone else I wanted, once I'd found him. I did it by spending about 3 days of desperate searching and thought it wouldn't work, but it did...

I have been, and they said I didn't have it. My mum had the highest amount of traits of it. I think the reason I feel frozen in that era is because that's the last time I felt I could properly be myself, happy and protected

If you’re on facebook you might as well join instagram, the two are linked. You’ll be able to find your friends on there. Most 22 year olds do instagram and snapchat.