Husband doesn't want another baby

[Cpmumx]

Just looking for some advice here. Me & my husband have a beautiful 2yr old boy which is just an amazing blessing. I always thought I would have 2 babies but my husband doesn't want another one. We always said we would have two but we realize the struggles financially. The only reason my husband doesn't want another one is due to financial reasons & me being off for 9 months maternity. We both work & have good jobs but we want to provide an amazing life for our son. I understand my husbands point but I am so heartbroken at the thought of not having another baby. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. Do you ever get over this heart break? I always see post of people not regretting having another baby but regretting NOT having one and I just can't stop thinking about it. How do people get over this? FYI I do not want to split from my husband & completely get his reasons,, just want to know if I will move past this or I will resent him later on in life?

Where is this word 'insisted' coming from. Is he the boss of you?

I thought I would be one and done, as did my husband, but after our daughter I had an overwhelming desire for another child, and luckily for me he was on board. So 4.5 years later i had my son and I now feel totally complete - one under each arm on the sofa, it's all I want. I would feel desperately sad if I couldn't have had the second. It really was a primal urge.

If you have a strong partnership otherwise you may have to choose to ignore this urge for the sake of your relationship and existing child and it might be for the best. That's still really hard for you, but you'll get over it. Going back to babies is also hard!

I think you need to have a proper discussion about contraceptives. I know lots of men who have had vasectomies and they would definitely big up their bravery if there was a lot of pain involved. They'd all be taking a month off work afterwards if they thought they could get away with it

That's not his decision.

If he doesn't want children then its up to him to take precautions contraception wise. He doesn't get to dictate his wants and then throw it onto you.

You on the other hand have communicated your want for children, therefore it's not on you to sort contraception.

I would tell him "Ive made my desire clear to have a second child we agreed, you have the right to change your mind but I'm not taking the responsibility of contraception up anymore when this is something YOU have chosen."

If he doesn't want children and doesn't want to take control of contraception then it's abstinence, if he can't keep it in his pants then that's on him. As long as you are clear with your communication then that's all you can do whilst your wishes don't align.

If he cared that much he would be taking steps to ensure he doesn't have kids. By refusing a vasectomy he is leaving risk for kids, so he clearly can't be that opposed!

There is no way I would be told that I have to be on contraception.
That is extremely controlling.
He doesn't want more children which is fair enough.
But HE needs to sort out contraception his end.

Is it just the 9 months maternity leave or the ongoing expenses of 2?

Both adults need to be on board with having a baby else it doesn’t work.

However, if you both agreed 2 then I think it’s really unfair for him to now decide to change his mind.
I understand when women change their minds because pregnancy and birth can be difficult but I think unless it’s for health reasons (physically or emotionally) then you should both stick to the plan.

I don’t think his reasoning is a good enough excuse.

But to be honest, if he’s refusing a vasectomy then you could easily get pregnant accidentally considering how your contraception isn’t 100%

Well, rule #1, imho, if he doesn't want another, then he MUST take responsibility for contraception. The snip is the most certain way of ensuring that you don't have any more. It won't affect his ability to get or maintain an erection, he will still ejaculate (apols if you're having your tea/breakfast/lunch), he'll just be firing blanks.
But, tell him from another man (👋) that he cannot shirk or give to you the responsibility for contraception.

He is ‘allowing himself’ choices yet thinks this gives him the right to decide your choices and what you put inside your body. Fair enough he doesn’t want another child. But he takes responsibility for his decisions. This is very controlling of him. I wouldn’t be having sex with him anyway so there would definitely be no need for contraception.

Gosh you could have been my friend ten years ago. All the rest of our group had a second. Took the £ hit. She had always dreamt of two. But her DH didn’t want to risk it again once he had a perfect DS. Wanted to invest everything into one. Meant they could afford private school. Moved to a better area, had great holidays etc She made peace with that I think and also focused on career too.

This would have been a deal breaker for me, made it very clear I wanted 4 before I got properly with hubby, wouldn't have married him of he hadn't. Anyway several years on got 8 as 2 pregnancies became twins and I adore my kids and hubby...however we also made absolutely sure we were good financially aswell to support our brood

Well he’s entitled to not want another child. But to refuse to have a vasectomy because he heard it hurts? Well i’m sure you heard that childbirth hurts but still went ahead. Sorry but he cannot insist you take contraceptive. I’d tell him I am no longer taking it and if he is so insistent on not having another child then he needs to go and get a vasectomy.

Is he also wearing condoms?

He doesn’t get to insist on you using BC he should be using condoms religiously if he doesn’t want a vasectomy

OP, this would come under Reproductive Coercion, which is part of Coercive Control, which is now a crime.
This is not the behaviour of a good man.
Please talk to Women's aid for advice.

He doesn't get to dictate what you put into your body.
Take this very seriously.