Husband doesn't want another baby

[Cpmumx]

Just looking for some advice here. Me & my husband have a beautiful 2yr old boy which is just an amazing blessing. I always thought I would have 2 babies but my husband doesn't want another one. We always said we would have two but we realize the struggles financially. The only reason my husband doesn't want another one is due to financial reasons & me being off for 9 months maternity. We both work & have good jobs but we want to provide an amazing life for our son. I understand my husbands point but I am so heartbroken at the thought of not having another baby. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. Do you ever get over this heart break? I always see post of people not regretting having another baby but regretting NOT having one and I just can't stop thinking about it. How do people get over this? FYI I do not want to split from my husband & completely get his reasons,, just want to know if I will move past this or I will resent him later on in life?

If he doesn't want another baby and you don't want contraception then he doesn't get any.......

True enough but by then mum will be back at work. I'm more concerned about their miraculous ability to make a pair of socks last a week and their terrible fear of putting things in the dishwasher 😂

Our second baby was stillborn, and DH was adamant that he didn't want to try again afterwards. Only he wouldn't go for a vasectomy, I ended up with migraines from the pill and bled like a stuffed pig for 12 weeks when I had a copper coil in. So I told him it was on him. Hence our 3rd and 4th babies came along in the following years. After our 4th, I was told another pregnancy would be life risking so at that point, I said no sex until he'd had the snip. He got the message after 6 months...

If he doesn't want more kids OP, you can't shift that mountain but I'm sure as hell that he'd be taking responsibility for it and not me.

I desperately wanted another child, my DH was adamant he didn’t- not just because of finances, but because in his words ‘pregnancy doesn’t suit you’ and tbf he was right. We didn’t have another, I am 52 now and he was right- we have a lovely life with our family and I don’t regret it.

However I think this is so individual and its so important that all views are heard and talked about - because regret and sadness could ruin a relationship. I wish you the best of luck because this isn’t easy ❤️❤️

I’d tell him that I won’t be doing anything further to prevent a pregnancy, so it’s all up to him from now on. He can’t insist that you use contraceptives.

I dont think it's fair for him to decide 'no more kids for you' because he doesn't want to make a further dint in his disposable income. Especially when he said it would be 2. Would you have had children with him if he said only one?

Something I read that really resonated with me, is "your financial situation is temporary, your family is forever". Obviously caveats apply about being financially capable of raising a child, but a few years for going luxuries is worth it for your dream family IMO.

Agree with the other posters that if you don't want to take the pill, don't. It has very real risks, especially as you age. I'd be inclined to say something like "darling I understand your standpoint. It's going to be up to you to sort out the contraception from now on, as I'm prioritizing my health for our DS. The side effects of the pill are too risky as I get older."

So selfish of him not to have the snip.

You both know that all the toys, designer clothes, best of everything doesn’t equal an amazing life?
if you’ve both got good jobs as you say then you CAN afford another child like many others do.
It sounds like he has other reservations which may be perfectly valid but he needs to be honest.

That’s not bloody on.its a cop out. He’s one driving decison…not you.
hes basically telling you to use contraception for rest of your fertile years. does he think that doesn’t effect you? Either all those hormones or someone shoving an iud into you ?
jeez, he’s a spoilt brat

its not his decision to have a child. Not if he’s having sex. Pregnancy is the natural outcome of sex. It’s his decision to NOT have a child and that means one of you, at least, needs to prevent pregnancy. Properly. He can’t say he wants to prevent a child and then expect you to act solely on making that happen

not if he still wants sex

tell him it’s his decision to, not yours, therefore he needs to take responsibility to prevent a pregnancy. Not you

Has he tried being pregnant / giving birth?! They hurt

He is reasonable not wanting another baby but not to refuse a vasectomy

That is very much not acceptable. It’s not solely your responsibility to prevent pregnancy, and it’s absolutely not for him to dictate whether you take contraceptives or not. It’s a joint decision and if you can’t agree then there’s no sex.

And so is hers

so, if they have sex, and neither want to take contraception or him havesnip…I guess nature will take its course

you can’t choose to have a child, not if you have sex ( exception sadly being sterility) . You choose to NOT have a child. That’s an active decision that whoever wants to prevent a pregnancy and child has to act on.

his decision. His action.

right now he’s washing his hands of any responsibility for his own fertility

You do not have to use contraception, and if he does not want any more children he gets the snip. Tell him it's non negotiable.

I find his attitude selfish and unreasonable. He does not want the proceedure because it hurts, tough, you had to push out a baby, now that hurts.

I don’t think you’ll get over it, the baby/toddler stage is so fleeting and I think you’ll only get worse as time goes on tbh. If it was due to health reasons etc then fair enough but money is absolutely not a reason unless you’re living in a homeless shelter and literally can’t afford formula or nappies. I know only children can be just as happy for sure but I really really think life is better for kids with a sibling, and that impact lasts decades, not just a year on maternity pay

So he doesn't want another child, refuses to use condoms, is refusing a vasectomy, yet is making you take contraceptives that have the potential to cause you harm in the long term? I think you have bigger issues than just him not wanting another baby. He is clearly a selfish prick.

The sensible thing in his situation would be to get a vasectomy, but as he won’t 🙄, he certainly can’t demand you use contraception.

I would tell him his options to prevent a second child are condoms or abstinence going forward, because you won’t be going on contraception and if he varies from those two paths and you get pregnant, you won’t be having an abortion.

Therefore everyone knows where they stand. If he won’t step up on the contraceptive front, then he can’t complain if you get pregnant 🤷‍♀️

Well, that would be a hard no from me. He is reasonable not to want another DC but it’s then on him to ensure the contraception, not insist you take hormones.

"I respect your wish to not have another child but I will not be taking responsibility for contraception. Either you use condoms, have a vasectomy or take the risk of another pregnancy. Its up to you. Be aware that if I do get pregnant then I wont terminate."

Really fucking pisses me off when these men say "No, I dont want a child but I dont want the minor inconvenience of making sure it doesnt happen, so you can sort that out too.

NO NO NO. He doesnt want another? He makes sure another doesnt happen.

This would have been a deal breaker for me. I would have left for a second child. And i wouldnt be taking contraception.

you say you want to provide an amazing life for your child. Does that mean materially amazing? You could bring him to Disneyland on his own, which I’m sure he’d love, but he would also love a camping trip with a sibling (says someone who hates camping)!

The contraception issue is unacceptable. Just say no.

If it’s purely finances that’s putting him off having a second child, can you go through your bills and see how they might change over the next few years? I imagine that your childcare costs are high, but things will change as your DS gets older (plus you can save on his childcare when you’re on maternity leave again).

It gives me the massive ick. I don't get how women can still sleep with these men who behave like this. I would literally dry up.

Well no. You can refuse contraception too.

Why do YOU want another child?

No. He doesn't get to do that. He can use condoms.