To be concerned DD is behind peers and young for her age?

[pinkjellyfishy]

DD is the youngest in year 3. She still enjoys Peppa Pig, bed time stories (Julia Donaldson type with lots of pictures), playing with baby dolls, her play kitchen and similar wooden toys. She still believes in Father Christmas and fairies (I’m not too concerned about this), however a lot of children in her class do not and tell her they’re not real and seem to judge her it.

She used to love reading the Biff and Chip books, but since moving into year 3 we are STRUGGLING to get her to read chapter books if they don’t have a lot of pictures. She’s not finished one chapter book for the entire school year. I admit this is partly my fault because I need to push her and support her more in doing so. But she kicks up such a fuss and is so tired after school and dinner that getting her to actually read a few pages ends in tears and frustration. She can read fine, however she just doesn’t enjoy it anymore.

Other children in her class have finished reading the first few Harry Potter books, have seen the films, and seem to enjoy more advanced books and films. She has no interest in watching Harry Potter, Wicked or other popular live action films. They laugh and make fun of her for liking Peppa Pig so she has become quite self conscious about it and gets upset.

This year I have really noticed a difference in the children (especially the girls) where most seem more mature than her. She’s struggling to make friends and is often teary at bedtime saying no one likes her and that her friends run away from her at play time. I feel awful for her and so helpless.

I’ve not spent much time around girls her age as we’ve not had many play dates due to busy schedules so I’m not sure what is ‘normal’ at age 7-8yrs.

My gut feeling is that she is probably neurodiverse. ADHD, possibly AuADHD.

I’ve mentioned my concerns to DH about her seeming ‘young’ compared to children her age, but he insists she’s perfectly normal.

AIBU to feel a bit concerned, or is she just being a typical 7yr old?

I think that your daughter sounds lovely. Rushing growing up doesn't equal progress, better emotional or financial outcome. If she needs a prolonged pace here, where she gets to enjoy childhood and all the creativity that goes with it, then that's great. Creativity is how you solve problems, so a wonderful tool to have on your belt.

I think it's very important that you let her be herself and don't push her towards older interests. You can expose her to things that other kids her age like to see if anything appeals but you really don't want her to her feel shame because she has younger interests. She needs to go at her own pace.

For the reading maybe take her to the library and let her choose some books to try. My child was also a reluctant reader until they found some series they really liked. There are lots of really lovely picture books for older children too, allowing them to continue to enjoy the format but with slightly older content.

Your intuition that it could be linked to neurodivergence could also be worth pursuing too.

I agree that OPs daughter sounds absolutely wonderful and nothing wrong with any of her interests at all. I still played with my Barbie house coming home from secondary school.

Neither of my kids have stuff like Tik Tok or access to mobile phones or apps and I hate the thought of them growing up.

BUT there is nothing wrong with the other side of the spectrum either and some children are just naturally more academic or mature which us fine. Why do you assume people are lying that their children are interested in Wicked? DD and DS went to the cinema at 3 and 6 to see the first and 4 and 7 to see the second. Both go to the theatre a LOT and are really interested in musicals. DD4's favourite movie is Wizard of Oz. She also loves babies, and baby dolls, although she's definitely grown out of Peppa Pig but loves Bluey.
DS8 (Yr 3) is currently reading the Hobbit, and has read Harry Potter since 6yrs old. He plays Chess, Dungeons and Dragon's and his favourite movies are Lord of the Rings and Jaws. He's Neurodiverse and very quirky and academic, that's just where his interests and abilities lie and he's every bit as lovely as his best friend who enjoys more typical age-7 boys stuff and playing football etc.

I voted YABU purely because it hit a nerve. We suspect I’m neurodivergent and trying to decide if I get diagnosed as an adult.

As a child I was younger than my peers, I even remember my parents commenting when I left a room they thought I acted younger than our neighbours child who was the same age. I hadn’t really ever seen it as an issue. But hearing my own parents criticism was a defining moment.

If your DC is happy, meeting expectations at school what is the harm? Why does she need to grow up faster? Has the teacher ever mentioned she’s behind in reading? If not I feel like to help your DC surely looking at supporting her potential ND traits would be a better use of energy?

My son is the oldest in year 3 and has an older brother in year 6 - yet he still loves to watch Bluey, fully believes in Father Christmas and seems quite similar to your daughter. I don't think there is anything wrong with her interests! My son does have computer time on the weekends but limited, but does still enjoy "younger" interests. I dont think there's anything wrong with it

I teach P4 which is the equivalent of Year 3 in Scotland. My P4 girls all took baby dolls on the last day of term to play with. I’d also say of my 11 P4 children only 3 or 4 of them are confidently reading novels! She’s what, 8?? She’s practically a baby and doesn’t need to grow up yet.

Goodness, we’re all individuals. Do we think all 20 yr olds should like the same things? So why should all 7 yr olds? Relax.
And what does ADDHD have to do with still liking Peppa pig?

At the same age my daughter with ADHD was in a similar place. The step up to yr 3 is a funny one. Some girls in particular decide that is the year to ditch Frozen or whatever little ones like and get into Taylor Swift and make up and become quite bitchy.
This was quite a big adjustment for my daughter as she couldn't quite understand how people had seemingly changed overnight. But the girls were all putting on an act of being "grown up".

As for the reading, my daughter went from being a fairly good reader to being totally uninterested in chapter books. We ended up reading Beanos, the 13 storey tree house books and diary of a wimpy kid because they were more visually interesting, but whatever it is, it is still reading and it hooked her back into reading for fun.

Your DH is right, she sounds perfectly normal. There is such a huge variety of stages among children at that age and she's not too 'young' at all - you're just not aware of the other children who are just like her.

I also noticed around that age that some of the kids in my daughter's class were huge into HP and reading the books/watching the films but mine wasn't. Do you know what, just like with adults, it's not a requirement and it didn't and doesn't indicate a thing. She was watching Operation Ouch on repeat and that was fine. She had friends who were into more complex things and friends who were into unicorns and fairies.

The fact that she's struggling to make friends and it is upsetting her is something you need to address though. I think if you're ever going to arrange play dates, now is the time to do it as they naturally start to tail off before the funny in-between stage of not wanting parents to arrange your time but not quite being old enough to do it yourself yet.

(Also re the above post which mentions Diary of A Wimpy Kid - they're hugely popular with kids around your daughter's age)

Just to reassure you, I have a just turned 8 year old in year 3 who loves playing dress up (was delighted with a Cinderella costume for her birthday and wore it out when we went to the shop that day) loves small world play, will happily read mr men or dinosaur that popped books although her reading ability is far greater. She tells me firmly that she doesn’t like Harry Potter and would rather watch Bluey or gabbys dollhouse than a film. I love it and will encourage her to like what she likes as long as possible. She’s written a letter to the tooth fairy ready for her next tooth going and is very much a believer of Father Christmas. It’s perfectly normal!!
For reading I encourage reading stamina by her reading in her head or we do one page each. Daisy books or isadora moon (vampire fairy) are her favourite chapter books - lots of pictures and good vocab building.
sounds like our girls would be good buddies! No way I’m encouraging her to ‘move on’ I love the fact that she loves to play!

I find it quite sad that kids are now growing up so quickly a 7 year old who likes bedtime stories and toys is considered immature or must be neurodiverse.

My daughter is 8.5 and none of her friends have read Harry Potter and most are only beginning to read simple novels but many are still on much more simple books. Her and her best friend LOVE their dolls and play with them everyday and take them to bed every night. Pre games consoles and iPads kids used to play with toys much longer. I have photos of me and my friends and our dolls when we were 11! Dd also likes cartoons that are aimed more at younger kids and has never watched a film as she doesn’t like anything with any peril no matter how mild. She is however one of the most mature in her class in school according to her teacher.
This year I have noticed a divide in girls in her class at birthday parties etc. About half still want to dance and play party games and the other half now feel like they are too cool and stand at the side awkwardly. I expect if your daughter is younger in the school year the divide might be more stark.
I think your dds sounds exactly as a 7 year old should be but if she is struggling for friends would she enjoy something like Brownies/ beavers or wood craft folk?

Your daughter sounds normal to me. Harry Potter doesn’t seem age appropriate for 7/8 year olds, it’s really more teen fiction. At age 7 I was only just starting to learn to read and write (childhood was in another country where they start school at 7) and didn’t read chapter books until 10/11.
It’s not held me back as I now have a degree and masters and work in a field where writing is a key skill. I was also heavily into things like the Little Mermaid and My Little Pony until age 10/11, which I guess would now be considered baby-ish for kids that age. I think kids nowadays are encouraged to grow up too fast. Just support her interests, so what if they’re “young” compared to her peers. Sign her up to clubs or organise play dates with friends with kids, if you have any, so that she has friends outside of the people at school who make fun of her. Maybe consider moving schools?

Most will have grown out of Peppa Pig by Year 3, but all the other stuff is normal (and not saying Peppa Pig is abnormal for that age but unusual). I would have thought it’s a bit young for Harry Potter for many. I wouldn’t be concerned about her except the sadness and feeling that she doesn’t have friends or ‘friends’ are not been being very nice. However you do say she was described as talkative at parents evening. That suggests she’s interacting with others? Unless something has changed in last few weeks. It sounds as if age / being among the youngest might be having an impact and some parents are letting their children grown up too fast.

I would definitely have a word with the teacher though and ask if there’s anything they can do relating to the issue of friends. Are there any girls/children who appear similar to her etc that the teacher can encourage them to spend some time together, pairing them up for a school project or something. Do they have a bench at school that children can sit on to say “can someone play with me?”? They work well if schools have them.

Try to encourage other friendship groups too. Do you have a parents WhatsApp for school? Is there any child that you know who shares similar interests? Can you ask? Organise a play date. Get her involved in Brownies, dance class, etc. Does she go to an after school club? Or could she? She’d mix with all ages then. Just to improve confidence.

Reading will probably improve when she’s ready. If you push it too much, it could backfire. Try some of the books suggested above or take a trip to the local library and see if there’s anything is anything of interest there. Also ask the teacher for suggestions.

Good luck. I hope she feels better in herself soon, and finds some friends that she feels more comfortable with.

I would say that reading the Harry Potter books in year 3 is probably not your average year 3 reader. My kids all
enjpy reading and are pretty good independent readers but at y3 were / are predominantly reading simpler books incl more graphic novel type things - the naughtiest unicorn, dogman, captain underpants, 13 storey treehouse, Bad Guys, etc etc. Plus some short / simpler chapter books like the Ramona series, Pudsley, Worst Witch, Tracey beeker.

do you think your daughter would be more interested in the graphic novel type ones above? Mine would have had zero interest in biff and chip at y3 age, the stories are too boring so she may have gone off them because of this.

I don’t think Peppa Pig is necessarily a cause for concern, even as an adult I find bits amusing, like bluey it is written on two levels for both adults and kids.

playing with dolls and play kitchen - def still normal age 7/8.

i would put yourself out there and have more play dates around your own house with a couple of chosen girls from your daughters class. It’s a pain but it does really help with school friendships

My two definitely watched peppa pig in year three and beyond. Year three still very very young!

I'd stop trying to force the reading. Take her to the library and let her choose books of interest and read them when she wants to. Forcing a school book on her when she is tired destroys any joy in reading.
My DD liked Peppa Pig and fairies well beyond the age of 7, she still believed I'm Santa and the tooth fairy. It sounds to me more like her peers are maturing too quick rather than your DD being behind. Maybe encourage her to try and play with different children at school and go to some extracurriculars/social groups so she can meet other children. There will definitely be plenty of 7 year olds out there with similar interests.

Year 3 can be a bit of a mix and it would make sense that she was into younger stuff than children who could be the best part of a year older than her. However, it does sound like it is worth having a chat with the teacher about your concerns because she is unhappy and because if you suspect ASD/ADHD you should get the ball rolling for getting her assessed. It can be a long old process and much better if you can get it done before she starts secondary.

It's normally year 4 when a lot of this behaviour between girls starts so either they're getting it out early or brace yourself for it to escalate next year!

As for the reading I would take the pressure off and concentrate on helping her to enjoy books. Let her choose what she wants to read. Don't force her to read, you reading to her and talking about the book is good too. Trying to push it risks turning her off reading altogether.

Sounds like my DD and her friends.

I would recommend trying Isadora Moon books, these were the first chapter books DD was interested in. I read them to her and now we read them together.

This.

The majority of children are pushed (by parents or peers) to "mature" early. But it's not maturity. It's just being pushed into things they are not ready for which causes a whole heap of problems down the road...ask any Y6 teacher.

Your DD is doing childhood right. Play and imagination are crucial for child development.

Mine spent most of y3 happily watching bluey & he's a more mature boy.

Harry potter is a book about 12 year olds. Its not for year 3 kids. People are really stupid about when they introduce this stuff. Often their kids have not read the books properly they've just watched a film.

Imho maturity isn't about what films or tv you enjoy/have been exposed to.

Its more about:

• confidence
• willingness to take age appropriate risks and not hover in mums shadow.
• having some basic responsibilities at home like laying the table or feeding the cat
• being trusted to practice useful skills like peeling carrots with a sharp peeler
• being allowed small aged based privileges like allowing a 9 year old to run to the corner shop at the end of the road

It sounds like she's perhaps a weaker reader, I'd want to try and work on that for the sake of school progress not maturity

My dd is 7.5, loves Peppa and Bluey. Does watch other stuff though (mainly horse related).

Loves playing with toy horses, Barbies, Sylvanians, Lego. Still likes to play “shops” or “cafes”

Your daughter sounds lovely. My daughter is 7 ( 8 at the end of April). She still loves Hey Duggee, Bluey and would watch Peppa if it was on. She plays lots of pretend games still e.g. little wooden toy kitchen (mostly with her 4 year old brother and she loves it). She gets scared watching films with ‘bad guys’ in it so we haven’t managed to finish many Disney princess films. Girls in her class that she hangs around with are quite similar and still play pretend games at playtime. We’ve had them round for play dates and they have played will dolls, Barbie, polly pocket, jewellery making etc. My niece who is a year younger seems more mature though- but so are the girls in her class according to my sister. She’s said they are into fashion, tik tok dancing, k pop, some have ‘boyfriends’. I wouldn’t worry too much. Does she have friends outside of school? Does she do other activities like sport etc where she can meet other kids? With reading, my daughter only started reading books with chapters recently. To get her more into it, I read to her instead- started with short funny books like the twits and just recently finished Matilda together (then went to see it in theatre as our girlie date). I think reading to her and making it fun would be helpful.

Does she have the opportunity to make friends outside of school?

She is normal.

I would get her into some out of school clubs so she can have some directed fun (dance/ singing/ football etc) and meet new friends while concentrating on the class type - go out of area if needed so there are no school peers there.

Let her play with toys - embrace the development of her play skills, play is so important and it’s minimised so much.

Mine is 8 and plays with dolls- just had a new one for Christmas!

In relation to reading- any reading is better than none and if picture books is what she is happy reading then stick to them. Think of someone wanting you to read an autobiography or a manual about your worst topic- it would put you off and become an issue. Even reading signs or a shopping list is practice reading!

I think the problem is too many CHILDREN are made to grow up quickly- about 1/3 of 7-8 year olds in my DD’s class have had for Christmas or already had a mobile phone. Absolutely crazy imo.

Your dd sounds a lovely little girl.

I had a year 7 group ask if they could watch peppa pig when we had some free time they were 12 and had a great time watching it genuinely enjoyed it

if her teacher has no concerns then I’d not worry