To think that I can do bedtime with a new baby and a 5yr old by myself?

[Blueyelloworange]

I'm pregnant and my DS is nearly 5 and I'm worried how to manage bedtimes. I want to plan to do them alone as DH has to travel alot for work. Ideally in time that would mean DH could also do them alone so I would have some freedom. Clearly single parents do this daily but when I ask friends with 2 or more DCs about bedtimes they all seem to do it as a team with thier DHs or it sounds like a nightmare.

My DS has a solid routine- bath, story, cuddle then he goes to sleep alone so it feels doable but I'm expecting it to get harder with a baby needing me too and DS's natural reaction to that. I'm really interested in any tips or techniques you have for this!

You are getting good advice here. I don't know your child obviously but in my experience of working with 5 year olds, parents grossly underestimate their abilities and most kids that age enjoy being babied. I don't think baths every night are necessary but that's up to you. However your DS should be able to fetch a towel, get the bath running, pour in bubbles etc, step out of the bath, put a towel on if it's hooded, dry himself, put on PJs. You don't need to bathe a 5 yr old, you don't even need to sit there looking at them you just need to supervise and be in the vicinity. Same with making snacks or breakfast. You can set things up now so your child is somewhat independent (example using a scoop to get a portion of cereal, pouring milk from a small jug) so when you are feeding baby or comforting baby he can get on with it and not always disturb you. Same with dressing himself if you develop a system of setting out clothes in order, he will probably need help with buttons etc but should be able to do most of it. He absolutely can do shoes and coats, most kids without SEN do this independently by 3.5. If you really work on this now with lots of praise and rewards for being a big boy he won't associate these changes with the baby coming but it will make your life immeasurably easier.

Yes it’s possible, we do it as a team but there are and have been many nights when one of us does both as the other is out or busy and it’s fine. I would say you may need to be flexible in bedtime routine, but your eldest is old enough to understand that. For example if baby needs feeding or changing the routine may need to flex round that. But generally if I did both by myself at newborn stage I’d make a nest for baby in older DCs bedroom and do change and story together.

It's absolutely and completely fine. Easily doable.

Routine is key- I managed completely fine with 3 children under the age of 4. I used to bathe the two eldest in the bath together and leave the newborn in her bouncy chair in the bathroom so I could keep an eye on all three. Bedtime story time - all cuddled up together - sometimes while feeding the youngest.

Totally doable -l started doing it with 7 month old twins a few nights a week. Planning helps e.g. easy dinners, bottles already sterilised, night clothes ready etc. No one needs to have a bath every night

It will be fine with that age gap and an older child that already goes to sleep independently. Just give him loads of attention and love at bedtime so he knows nothing has changed ‘because of the baby’

We had a 2.75y age gap and an older child we’d never considered weaning off needing someone to sit with him while he went to sleep. Solo bedtimes were a bit of a sh*t show but we all survived!

I find it hard but doable. Used a sling for the baby when very little, which helped. Now the baby is older I bath them together, then get baby out of the bath while 5yo wallows a little longer. Once baby is ready for bed I extract 5yo from the bath, get him into jammies, read story to both in bed with 5yo then leave 5yo to sleep and feed baby to sleep in her room.

My husband worked away when my children were 18 months and 4.

Perfectly manageable 😊

Not a single parent but crazy work schedules.

I took DC1s bedtime and then put DC2 to bed half an hour earlier than DC1. That meant an hour before both, it was bath (together), dressed, bottle, DC2 goes upstairs while DC1 watches some telly, then baby monitor goes on and DC2 goes to bed. 6:30pm onwards became a military operation.

That is however totally dependent on how well your kids will do with sleep. There were times when DC2 would take longer than half an hour to get down, but remember if DC2 goes to bed 10-20-30mins later than usual it is not the end of the world.

Yeah I did, although there was only 18 months difference. Their dad had to work nights.

I ahd to do this as DH was rarely home for bedtime. Mine are older now but when DD was born I put her in the cot/buggy/bouncer while I took DS up (occasionally she cried btu was usually asleep). Once she got to about 4 months I put her to bed first and get DS (then 3) to tidy up his toys while I did - he was actually fairly good at it if I gave some clear instructions like put the trains and track back in the box. Then we finished up together, story and bed, maybe with a bath if required. It got harder when DD was a toddler and would not settle, but by then DS's bedtime was closer to DH's arrival time.

Of course you can.

Of course it’s possible - single mum of twins and at the time the twins were born a 4 year old

Of course. I did it alone with a newborn and 3yr old. Yes helps to have 2 parents to do it, but perfectly possible with 1.

The challenge will be if the baby needs cluster feeding in a quiet room. But at age 5 presumably your son will be ok to be alone for a while if necessary.

i do it alone 1 day a week as DH does his hobby, although it’s a 3 year age gap. i didnt start as soon as the baby was born though, DH took a break from his hobby for a few weeks. After that i always used a pre-frozen dinner which i just reheated and often i did the washing up the next day.

Don't do this.

If daily bath time is an established routine, then you want to keep the routine going as much as possible. Missing one day might happen, bit if you plan to regularly miss one day, all of a sudden it will slip in to being 2 days.

You will be fine with age gap you have, 5 year old will be fine to watch a bit of cbeebies in your room whilst new born is being sorted.

Babies adapt to what is available... when the number of children out number the adults regularly, they get used to the sibling noise out of necessity

That's so helpful thank you, I do get DS changed etc at the moment so will definitely work on him doing more of that himself

That's so helpful thank you, I do have a baby carrier ready

Thanks so much! He does already do some of this but I can definitely get him to do more so will work on that!

Thanks everyone, I feel really reassured! I don't know why I was so worried about this. I'll work on getting my DS to be a bit more independent and then just go with it as you suggest. I'm sure things will change many times as they both grow, that's a really good point too.