To think that I can do bedtime with a new baby and a 5yr old by myself?

[Blueyelloworange]

I'm pregnant and my DS is nearly 5 and I'm worried how to manage bedtimes. I want to plan to do them alone as DH has to travel alot for work. Ideally in time that would mean DH could also do them alone so I would have some freedom. Clearly single parents do this daily but when I ask friends with 2 or more DCs about bedtimes they all seem to do it as a team with thier DHs or it sounds like a nightmare.

My DS has a solid routine- bath, story, cuddle then he goes to sleep alone so it feels doable but I'm expecting it to get harder with a baby needing me too and DS's natural reaction to that. I'm really interested in any tips or techniques you have for this!

It is perfectly possible. My DH always worked in the evenings when my DC were young. I managed with a 4 year age gap, so I'm sure you can manage with a 5 year old. I imagine it is trickier with a small age gap.

I managed fine alone in similar circumstances as DH was abroad working a lot. My tip is to work out a routine and stick to it. My DC are teenagers now but some of my happiest memories are bathtimes for both of them together then tucking them in bed for bedtime stories which they both loved, even when DS was tiny.

Totally doable especially if you approach it this way from the outset.

DS1 was just over four when his brother was born and we aimed to keep his routine as normal as possible. So for us it was a bit of CBeebies, bath time, stories and bed. He's always been terrible at getting to sleep (still is aged 14) so he was never an "into bed and close the door" sort of kid and still we managed it.

It was actually easier with the baby as a newborn - either carrying/in the sling/in the bouncer depending on his mood, with a feed whenever he needed it (while we were doing other things - so DS1 would turn the pages of the book if I was reading to him while feeding his brother, etc.)

As the baby got a little older they'd share bathe time or DS1 would help give the baby a quick bath after his, pick out the baby's pyjamas etc.

And then put the newborn down in their basket or whatever after the elder child is in bed.

It'll be fine, especially with that age gap. My DCs are 2.5 years apart and we normally do bedtimes separately (one parent each) just because we're around and it's easier, but it was also fine to do together. When the baby is very little and wanting to be held and fed a lot, you just bring them along and do the 5-year-old as normal. At that point, the baby is probably going down for the night later than the older child. Then when the baby gets bigger, can either do most of the bedtime routine, bath etc together, or you can do the baby first while the older one does something quiet.

It's perfectly doable! I often do bedtime for my 4yo and 11mo alone if DH is working and DH will do both of needed (less often as I'm still on mat leave). Baby just sort of potters around my daughters bedroom causing chaos while I do her stories. We do split them up if we're both about though just do she gets some one on one time with a parent.

I had new born twins and a 5 yr old and often did it alone. My advice would be to reduce the 5 year olds routine a bit to make it easier for yourself. They can do most things themselves but still need those mummy cuddles so I'd work on training DS to get into PJs alone and maybe turn on bath water so he can run up and then you follow with baby a few minutes later. The newborn won't have proper bedtime for a few weeks so there will be time for DS to adapt to the baby. If baby goes down first then it has to be DS quiet time reading or something similar. You could start introducing the concept. There will be nights when baby cries just when you are settling down to story with DS and he will have to cope and that's hard but if you work on self settling a little bit now it will make it easier.

You just have to wing it.

I would start dropping the daily bath from the routine just so if you are having a bad day with baby you can skip the bath to make things a bit easier for you. I am one for a solid routine as well but you have to be a bit more flexible when the second child comes along.

It should be fine. 2 years between my eldest two. I did bath time together, then put my baby down in her basket and did stories and cuddles with eldest in her bed.
Once she was settled I'd feed my youngest.
Tbh youngest kind of slotted in with eldest DDs routine without much trouble.

It’s doable, you’ll find what works for your family through experience. I BF my baby (6months old now) which helps, as I can pop her on and do books & bedtimes one handed, not sure bottle feeding would be as easy. During bathtime I lie her on a changing mat so she’s in reach, but I have both hands free. Long term I think it’s actually helping DD0.5 settle into DS3’s existing bedtime schedule (they now go down at the same time), and DS loves having her join us (he’ll request she come sometimes). Eventually they’ll share a room so this is helping lead to that.

Actually a key challenge with a new born was my own post partum health (post c-section): I was sore and ungainly those first couple of months, getting up/reaching with a latched baby was difficult, and I was unable to lift my toddler out of the bath. But that shouldn’t be so much of a problem with a 5yo. Just prep the space ahead of time and pick books your son can handle, or you can manage 1 handed.

Sometimes I’d bath my new baby in front of the fire at 10 after or before dream feed, it was a chance to have proper time with babe when 2 year old was asleep. I’d prop the baby up in a baby rocker while bathing toddler.

I have a 6 year old and a new baby. I’ve done bath time alone a few times; it’s manageable. Get a decent baby carrier and put baby in that while you bath older DC and do a story and bed. Or get a bouncy chair and put baby in it in the bathroom while you bath DS, then just hold baby while you read a story and say goodnight. It’s a bit of a pain but perfectly doable.

I didn’t didn’t have help it really wasn’t an issue, none of my friends had help as all husbands had shift work jobs.

Well first 6 months ish, surely you’d keep baby up with you til you go to bed? They won’t go to bed at the same time for a long time necessarily anyway, likely baby will go to bed later.

Yes fine! I got a bath seat that was suitable for newborns and bathed both together. There was the odd poo explosion and wild panic but otherwise it was a set routine and fine. Yes baby will stay up with you for a while anyway.

Yes, of course you can. No reason why it should be difficult.

In my experience...
People who are used to having two adults around (even for just one child) get used to having the two adults, and get stuck in that routine.

Those who are used to one adult for multiple children are used to multi taking and don't see the problem.

I had an 18 month gap and DH in the Army. He missed DD2s birth by two weeks! (Although I did have help from my mum in those 2 weeks). It was nice having the extra pair of hands, but never essential.

The worst bit was doing all the bedtime stuff for two.. then having to do the housework etc!

Completely do-able. I had twins before DC1 was two years old. DH travelled a lot and I did it on my own a lot. Don't psych yourself out: it will be fine. You will need to amend how you do things to make it work but you got this.

Totally possible. I had 3 DC in 2.5 years. I used to bath them together, take them out one at a time to dry, dress and brush teeth in the bathroom, take them all through to the bedroom and read a story then get them into bed. When youngest was a newborn I wouldn’t put her in the bath incase the older ones splashed or got silly but she’d sit in her bouncer in the room. When she was a few months old and more robust she’d sit in a bath seat with them.

You’ll be absolutely fine. Dc1 was only just 3 when dc2 was born and I always did it on my own while dh cooked dinner or vice versa. Once baby is a few months old you’ll be in more of a routine and it’ll be no problem.

I've got 5 kids, youngest are 24months and 4 months old. Husband works shifts so I do bedtimes alone for 5 days every other week. It's totally fine. The thought of it is way worse than the reality. I don't bother with baths or showers before bed on thosew days. Baby stays Down stairs in moses basket, with all the cats/dogs and other kids shut out the room so I know they're safe..toddler then gets my full attention for 20 mins whilst I do pj's and story. If the baby cries then I do just ignore them in that time. It isn't for long and i know they're safe. Then if baby's asleep I have a mass tidy up and get everything sorted for next day. Sometimes I put baby in the sling and do all that.
I think it's just about being kind to yourself and at the end of the day if the kids only have cereal or toast for dinner then it won't kill them. Some days it's easier to just let the standards go and start again the next day xx

I think the key is to be flexible - as soon as you think you’ve got a routine it’ll need to change again! Loads of us manage - I remember reading bedtime stories to my toddler whilst breast feeding - but I won’t pretend it was always easy. You’ll muddle through and it’s fine to think about it in advance, but just don’t expect to have a plan that everyone will stick to as babies (at least mine) don’t work that way. At least you can talk to a 5 yo about it in a way they will understand

I'm grandma and do double bed time regularly. I set it up by talking to the older one about playing quietly whilst I settle babym. They eat tea together older one either joins bath time or plays til I finish. Then older one is allowed back down stairs for a crepe or similar treat before his routine.

Of course you can. 🙄

I had newborn twins and a 5 year old as a single parent it was definitely manageable. Intact the hardest night was the night my relative came to help (to make it easier supposedly).
Good routine, have everything to hand, feed baby while you read stories, start training 5 year old to independently do things.
You dont need ro bath any of them every night.
I used to get everything ready for the evening while dc1 was at school and dt had a nap in the afternoon.