Here's to new beginnings!

shouldofgotamortage · 08/01/2026 07:29

I wouldn’t have anything more to do with her. Kids can see her in your exs time.

Alittlefrustrated · 08/01/2026 07:39

Yes, it was thoughtless of her. However, might she turn out to be a source of support with the children? I hope so.
So sorry you and the children are going through this. Be honest with people about his deception - he doesn't deserve being shielded.
Don't be too proud to accept any positive sources of support.
You can do this.

Catza · 08/01/2026 10:14

Maybe by "new beginnings" she meant my exciting new journey into having no one to ask when my check engine light comes on?

This is the first trouble I ran into after my ex buggered off with a younger woman in summer. May I suggest a RAC membership? My engine warning sign came on and I was about three minutes away from my ex's house. I had a cry, decided I'd rather chop my hand off than ring him for help. Rang RAC, a lovely man on the other end of the line gave me the best therapy session of my life! Told me not to worry and that everything is going to be OK, looked up the nearest garage for me, talked to me with so much kindness that I wanted to marry him there and then.

And ignore your MIL. She was probably trying to be supportive in the most awkward way.

Observed · 08/01/2026 14:45

What a lovely kind post @Catza

Original poster

Oricolt · 08/01/2026 19:04

Yes, I think she meant to be supportive. And I suspect she doesn't actually know the facts. It's so frustrating and unfinished. These people were my family for decades. They were a part of the birth of my children. They celebrated my successes with me. They were family. And now ex-h gets to unilaterally decide I'm not in the family anymore, gets to tell them "his version" of his selfish lies, and I never even get to give my version. I get it, that's how it works. I just feel sad that I've lost them too, and they probably even think badly of me. I genuinely did nothing wrong. My crime was to put up with a slightly dull marriage for the sake of the kids. I thought that's what he was doing too, but no - he was having an exciting affair and siphoning off all the family funds to start a new life in which he puts himself first, and muggins here is left to limp on, broken and bruised, putting on a cheerful face for the kids. It will get better, I know. But "new beginnings!!" really punched me in the gut.

OP posts:

Noshowlomo · 08/01/2026 19:07

I would ring her and tell her everything. That you can’t afford a new beginning, you are dealing with his children on your own.

Twat (him)

BagelandEggs · 08/01/2026 19:07

So sorry this has happened to you. Can you get a divorce and ensure he has to support his children? It's not fair you are struggling while he has drained the funds. And I would definitely tell MIL what has actually happened - he's probably told her it's mutual and you are happy for him!

Emmz1510 · 08/01/2026 19:08

She’s been a little tactless but direct your anger and annoyance at the right person, and it’s not her.
To me that card reads like a slightly clumsy attempt at sympathy and wishing you well with possibly a fair amount of guilt at what her son has done thrown in.
Im sorry this has happened to you. What a scumbag.

Namechangerage · 08/01/2026 19:09

Oricolt · 08/01/2026 19:04

Yes, I think she meant to be supportive. And I suspect she doesn't actually know the facts. It's so frustrating and unfinished. These people were my family for decades. They were a part of the birth of my children. They celebrated my successes with me. They were family. And now ex-h gets to unilaterally decide I'm not in the family anymore, gets to tell them "his version" of his selfish lies, and I never even get to give my version. I get it, that's how it works. I just feel sad that I've lost them too, and they probably even think badly of me. I genuinely did nothing wrong. My crime was to put up with a slightly dull marriage for the sake of the kids. I thought that's what he was doing too, but no - he was having an exciting affair and siphoning off all the family funds to start a new life in which he puts himself first, and muggins here is left to limp on, broken and bruised, putting on a cheerful face for the kids. It will get better, I know. But "new beginnings!!" really punched me in the gut.

I’d ask to go see her for a cup of tea to “say goodbye” and ask her what she knows. Then I would school her up on her delightful son and duck out. And tell her while it’s a new beginning, it’s not really exciting when it is forced upon you

OMG50soon · 08/01/2026 19:18

You do get to tell your side. You are still the mother of their grandchildren and as you have the main care you can tell them what’s happening with the kids and stay in touch.
My exH had an affair but I didn’t stop contact with my MIL, I’m still in touch 10 years later and the kids are adults. The nephews and nieces still call me Auntie too. I also included them on birthdays, why should they stop having those special moments just because Dad is a nob! They even came to ours for birthday cake after the parties, whilst Dad went home (his choice) I did it all for the kids and now they appreciate what I did to make sure their lives were not affected too much.
If you want the contact then let them know, she may think you don’t want to be in contact & be embarrassed by her son - give her the chance.
On another note, you will get through this and shine bright! Give yourself time to grieve and show your kids how amazing mum is, she’s “Super Woman” and doesn’t need dad.

Phoenixfire1988 · 08/01/2026 19:26

Oricolt · 08/01/2026 19:04

Yes, I think she meant to be supportive. And I suspect she doesn't actually know the facts. It's so frustrating and unfinished. These people were my family for decades. They were a part of the birth of my children. They celebrated my successes with me. They were family. And now ex-h gets to unilaterally decide I'm not in the family anymore, gets to tell them "his version" of his selfish lies, and I never even get to give my version. I get it, that's how it works. I just feel sad that I've lost them too, and they probably even think badly of me. I genuinely did nothing wrong. My crime was to put up with a slightly dull marriage for the sake of the kids. I thought that's what he was doing too, but no - he was having an exciting affair and siphoning off all the family funds to start a new life in which he puts himself first, and muggins here is left to limp on, broken and bruised, putting on a cheerful face for the kids. It will get better, I know. But "new beginnings!!" really punched me in the gut.

I'd tell her exactly what he's done ! How did you not notice him wiping out the savings though ?
Has he bought the flat or renting if he's bought it its a martial asset and id be getting a very good solicitor about him draining your joint savings account aswell .

NewYearSameYou · 08/01/2026 19:37

Get a shit hot lawyer and a forensic accountant and go for his assets and pension.

LemonsMakelimes · 08/01/2026 19:40

NewYearSameYou · 08/01/2026 19:37

Get a shit hot lawyer and a forensic accountant and go for his assets and pension.

This

RoxyRoo2011 · 08/01/2026 19:40

I’m now two years down the line after finding out my husband was having an affair (his AP posted pics on social media because he wasn’t leaving me). You will fixate on the small things. One of the things I have found hardest to come to terms with is how he can just leave and absolve himself of all responsibilities and leave me to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. It’s so unjust. My whole life imploded and he’s got a nice new family and we’re out of sight out of mind. It’s taken me such a long time to get to a place where I am beginning to heal. Be kind to yourself is my best advice. It’s going to take time and a lot of tears, anger and loneliness. There will be things you fixate on that keep you awake at night. It’s all part of the process. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Namechangerage · 08/01/2026 19:43

NewYearSameYou · 08/01/2026 19:37

Get a shit hot lawyer and a forensic accountant and go for his assets and pension.

Definitely this OP!! Take all the the evidence of his siphoning off the joint money….

2021x · 08/01/2026 19:44

Hand hold OP. That would have been quite the shock, but you now know who is really is (a selfish, self-serving bastard).

Agree with focus on getting the money and security for you and your kids. He made this bed, so he needs to lie in it.

It will be a painful journey.. but in the long run you are well rid of him.

nicepotoftea · 08/01/2026 19:45

Oricolt · 08/01/2026 19:04

Yes, I think she meant to be supportive. And I suspect she doesn't actually know the facts. It's so frustrating and unfinished. These people were my family for decades. They were a part of the birth of my children. They celebrated my successes with me. They were family. And now ex-h gets to unilaterally decide I'm not in the family anymore, gets to tell them "his version" of his selfish lies, and I never even get to give my version. I get it, that's how it works. I just feel sad that I've lost them too, and they probably even think badly of me. I genuinely did nothing wrong. My crime was to put up with a slightly dull marriage for the sake of the kids. I thought that's what he was doing too, but no - he was having an exciting affair and siphoning off all the family funds to start a new life in which he puts himself first, and muggins here is left to limp on, broken and bruised, putting on a cheerful face for the kids. It will get better, I know. But "new beginnings!!" really punched me in the gut.

and I never even get to give my version.

I don't see why not - it's won't change anything, and she will side with her son, but you don't have to hide your version.

dijonketchup · 08/01/2026 19:53

Oh OP, what a nob. A cowardly nob.

What can you write in a Christmas card to your soon-to-be-ex DIL though, “sorry my son’s a nob”? She probably knew it was the wrong thing as soon as she’d sent it.

You can see/talk to anyone you like, it’s not ex H’s decision, in fact nothing is any more.

You'll be fine, you sound funny, capable and a decent person, pick yourself up and carry on! You can do it.

ThatFlakyGuide · 08/01/2026 19:55

Oricolt · 08/01/2026 19:04

Yes, I think she meant to be supportive. And I suspect she doesn't actually know the facts. It's so frustrating and unfinished. These people were my family for decades. They were a part of the birth of my children. They celebrated my successes with me. They were family. And now ex-h gets to unilaterally decide I'm not in the family anymore, gets to tell them "his version" of his selfish lies, and I never even get to give my version. I get it, that's how it works. I just feel sad that I've lost them too, and they probably even think badly of me. I genuinely did nothing wrong. My crime was to put up with a slightly dull marriage for the sake of the kids. I thought that's what he was doing too, but no - he was having an exciting affair and siphoning off all the family funds to start a new life in which he puts himself first, and muggins here is left to limp on, broken and bruised, putting on a cheerful face for the kids. It will get better, I know. But "new beginnings!!" really punched me in the gut.

@Oricolt sorry to hear all this - it’s pretty shitty. Whilst you are left behind doing all the stuff , you are your children’s constant. Whilst he might be living his best life at present, I’m sure the shine will wear off at some point - it’s all new and shiny for him at present. What you do now is getting good specialist legal advice and start building your life again without him. There’s a reason more and more women are divorcing in middle age- they’ve had enough of men’s shit and actually realise they want to live alone and not be looking after another child. In terms of the in-laws, leave them to it. Blood is always thicker than water I’m afraid. My in-laws stopped speaking to me after some issues with their son, my DH. They have no idea what their son was like to live with yet judged me on that - they cut off their grandkids too - at first it bothered me now I think it’s their loss. You will come out of this and at least you won’t be living with a lying, stealing piece of shit!

JessicaRabbit23 · 08/01/2026 20:05

Oricolt · 08/01/2026 07:24

6 weeks before Christmas, my husband dropped the bombshell that he was having an affair, had drained our savings over the past 4 years, and was leaving us. 'Us' is me and our three kids. We had been together for 30 years.

I just found the Christmas card MiL sent me this year wishing me a "Merry Christmas and all the best for 2026: Here's to new beginnings!!"

What new beginnings? I can see how my fuckfaced husband is having a lovely new beginning with his new flat and his girlfriend. I am still here in our family home (which I can no longer afford), still feeding the cat, still booking orthodontist appointments, still putting the bins out on Mondays, still reminding the kids to take a break from Minecraft and do their homework, and put their clothes in the basket. Only now, I have no help at all and much less money available because of that arsewipe's financial deception. Maybe by "new beginnings" she meant my exciting new journey into having no one to ask when my check engine light comes on? Fun!

Of all the shit that has happened recently, I don't know why I'm fixating on a well-intentioned Christmas card, but it pissed me right off and I'm writing this to get it out of my system.

Girl, you can afford the house. Seek benefits you are entitled too. You have children and you’re now a single parent you will still be entitled unless your on mega salary. Screw him and his flat and girlfriend. He will come running back, you wait. Don’t forget to get half of his pension in the divorce ;) f the mil and her card. Send her a parcel of shit if it makes you feel better

Fireflybaby · 08/01/2026 20:07

Put the house on sale, look for something more afordable, get a good lawyer and get as much off your soon to be ex as you can. Let's see if he wants to be an ass hole and enjoy new beginnings when there'll be money coming out of his pocket left right and centre.

Hellohelga · 08/01/2026 20:21

He probably told her it was mutual and you had drifted apart. If you know her well I’d call for a chat and make sure she’s up to date.

AInightingale · 08/01/2026 20:25

What a bastard. I am very sorry OP.
Maybe he should give up the flat and move in with mummy dearest, and the rent he is currently paying can help with your mortgage, which he should still be paying his share of in any case. Contact CMS, if you haven't already done so - three children even on a low income should be paid support of c. £400pm.

X123x321X · 08/01/2026 20:29

I hope his knob falls off.

Pherian · 08/01/2026 20:42

Oricolt · 08/01/2026 19:04

Yes, I think she meant to be supportive. And I suspect she doesn't actually know the facts. It's so frustrating and unfinished. These people were my family for decades. They were a part of the birth of my children. They celebrated my successes with me. They were family. And now ex-h gets to unilaterally decide I'm not in the family anymore, gets to tell them "his version" of his selfish lies, and I never even get to give my version. I get it, that's how it works. I just feel sad that I've lost them too, and they probably even think badly of me. I genuinely did nothing wrong. My crime was to put up with a slightly dull marriage for the sake of the kids. I thought that's what he was doing too, but no - he was having an exciting affair and siphoning off all the family funds to start a new life in which he puts himself first, and muggins here is left to limp on, broken and bruised, putting on a cheerful face for the kids. It will get better, I know. But "new beginnings!!" really punched me in the gut.

There is nothing stopping you from telling them your side of things.

Call her up and let her know what he did and that you found her Christmas card under the circumstances a poor choice.

I would also make sure you are getting child support off his asap. You need to sort out the money from the savings as well - if he bought a flat or anything else with that money - it will be sold to recoup. Don’t be a sucker - pull up your big girl pants and speak to a solicitor.