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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't have rearranged nursery furniture

33 replies

dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:22

I would love everyone to tell me I'm overthinking this.
I have an almost 3 year old DD and am scheduled in for a C section later today for our second baby. All the advice I have received is to keep things as consistent and ordinary as possible for our toddler. DD is staying with my parents as of last night while I will be in hospital. DH wanted to do something nice and has decided to rearrange the nursery furniture in the middle of the night. This room is DD's - her wardrobe and toys are in there. She co-sleeps with us in our main bedroom but she does have a toddler bed in the nursery which she doesn't use. Going forward when baby arrives, the plan was for me and baby to initially sleep in the nursery (next to me is in there as well as a daybed) while DH is with DD in main bedroom. I won't be able to co-sleep for a while because of the C-section.

Anyway, now DH has rearranged all the furniture in the room - do you think it will be a massive shock to her system when she comes home from grandparents? My DM is saying perhaps they should come to the house with DD before baby arrives to show her that it's all been made pretty for her?

Part of my stress comes from how DD has recently developed a stammer. It coincides with the birth of her cousin 3 months ago and also having recently started nursery - I've been a SAHM and so she is particularly attached to me and it seems like all the changes have made her a bit anxious. She is very close to her grandparents and was the only grandchild up until now and for lack of a better way to say it, has very much been everyone's PFB... And so I feel like.change is hitting her hard.

Is the reorganising of a few bits of furniture (just existing furniture has been moved around rather than taking any of her things out) going to be very terrible?

TY in advance. I have to leave the house in literally an hour for the section and so will get DH to put it back if he can before that.

Edit to add: we don't have a huge house. It is a 3 bed and the third room is a box room being used as storage so almost feels like a 2 bed really.

OP posts:
LimeSnail · 08/01/2026 07:24

Good luck with the section. Furniture will be the least of the changes. It will be disruptive for your daughter but she’s getting a new sibling to love hopefully.

ShesTheAlbatross · 08/01/2026 07:26

No I don’t think this will be a problem.

monkeysox · 08/01/2026 07:26

What a waste of time this close to baby.
Toddler doesn't sleep in there anyway

Slothey · 08/01/2026 07:26

Honestly, chill. It seems a slightly strange thing to have done but I really doubt your 3yo will particularly care.

The big change will be the fact that the baby (!) will be in the room, not where the furniture is.

Every older sibling has a shock when the little one arrives. It’s totally natural to worry about it, but you’re over thinking the furniture thing.

FanofLeaves · 08/01/2026 07:27

You need to focus on your c section, you’re worrying far too much. It will be fine. It’s furniture.

A stammer can be a very normal developmental stage as they have more words in their head than they’re able to get out into their speech. DS’s lasted a few months but at four there’s zero trace of it.

I think you need to trust that your first child is probably far more resilient than you might think. And they’re about to be a big sister! Try and focus on yourself today- you’re about to meet your new baby! DD is looked after. She’s fine. It’s furniture. You’re over-worrying.

Boredoflunch1 · 08/01/2026 07:27

FanofLeaves · 08/01/2026 07:27

You need to focus on your c section, you’re worrying far too much. It will be fine. It’s furniture.

A stammer can be a very normal developmental stage as they have more words in their head than they’re able to get out into their speech. DS’s lasted a few months but at four there’s zero trace of it.

I think you need to trust that your first child is probably far more resilient than you might think. And they’re about to be a big sister! Try and focus on yourself today- you’re about to meet your new baby! DD is looked after. She’s fine. It’s furniture. You’re over-worrying.

Edited

This!

ohidoliketobe · 08/01/2026 07:30

I dont like the rearrangement will be an issue. The stammer is very normal in language development, they go through a massive language explosion around this age and lots of children develop a temporary one as their head is going faster than they can keep up with. Monitor it and speak to health visitor if you are worried, but don't make a fuss about it, or talk over her, or correct her, and give her time to say what she is trying to a d it will likely taper out.

Bitzee · 08/01/2026 07:30

But haven’t you guys already agreed that it won’t be DD’s room any more and that it will be you and the baby in there from now on?? I don’t she’ll be bothered at all if she never sleeps in there but if she was going to get upset surely it would be because her room has been given to the new baby, not at a small furniture rearrange. DH probably should have checked with you that the new arrangements works for you, since you’ll be the one using the room, but that’s a minor thing really and sounds like he was just trying to be practical. I don’t think he’s done anything massively wrong, certainly not towards your 3YO.

BendingSpoons · 08/01/2026 07:31

Has it improved the room layout e.g. made more space for you to sleep or just changed it? I'd leave it at this point, but I also wouldn't make a big deal of it. I don't think it will be helpful telling DD it's 'special' and she should be grateful (sounds like the grandparents were considering that), in case she feels she is being pushed out your bed into that room. Instead I'd just be matter of fact 'daddy moved it round to fit better but it's all still here look'.

Notmyreality · 08/01/2026 07:31

Yes you are over thinking it.

Original poster
dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:34

Bitzee · 08/01/2026 07:30

But haven’t you guys already agreed that it won’t be DD’s room any more and that it will be you and the baby in there from now on?? I don’t she’ll be bothered at all if she never sleeps in there but if she was going to get upset surely it would be because her room has been given to the new baby, not at a small furniture rearrange. DH probably should have checked with you that the new arrangements works for you, since you’ll be the one using the room, but that’s a minor thing really and sounds like he was just trying to be practical. I don’t think he’s done anything massively wrong, certainly not towards your 3YO.

This is going to sound like a total shambles but the next to me has been sat in the main bedroom which is where we assumed baby wood be. And DH and I felt it would be better to actually have baby and me in the nursery. So no, DD actually thinks baby will be in the room with her in the main bedroom - which she had been looking forward to

OP posts:
Original poster
dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:34

BendingSpoons · 08/01/2026 07:31

Has it improved the room layout e.g. made more space for you to sleep or just changed it? I'd leave it at this point, but I also wouldn't make a big deal of it. I don't think it will be helpful telling DD it's 'special' and she should be grateful (sounds like the grandparents were considering that), in case she feels she is being pushed out your bed into that room. Instead I'd just be matter of fact 'daddy moved it round to fit better but it's all still here look'.

Yes, it's made things much more spacious/practical.

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 08/01/2026 07:39

dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:34

This is going to sound like a total shambles but the next to me has been sat in the main bedroom which is where we assumed baby wood be. And DH and I felt it would be better to actually have baby and me in the nursery. So no, DD actually thinks baby will be in the room with her in the main bedroom - which she had been looking forward to

Show quote history

Then this rather the rearranging the room will be the bit that causes confusion and feeling pushed out. I think you will need to ensure in the daytime you spend time with her (hopefully if the baby naps) one to one, because in your own words being the previous first born and having everyone's undivided attention is now going to be the hard bit for her to move on from. Make sure she is involved in settling the baby in, helping you to look after them as well as time with you alone. Explain that the room now has more space to play in when she sees that it's different and how that is exciting as she can play with her toys more easily.

anonlawyer · 08/01/2026 07:41

Why are you giving your toddlers bedroom away? Surely at 3 you are trying to get her to sleep in her own room rather than giving up your own bed. You need to sort out bedroom 3 for the baby (unless you are planning they will share which is also fine) - they’ll be in with you for 5/6 months anyhow.

children are v resilient btw and you have the perfect age gap - good luck and congratulations for your new baby!

Moonnstarz · 08/01/2026 07:42

Also if you and the baby are in a room alone, is your DH going to be running down the hallway in the night to help you? They say you need to be careful lifting after a C section. I was ok and took things easy (also had a toddler and was fine picking up the baby) but I know for some people they struggle with that, so it's a bit of a strange set up you not being close to the other adult who could help you lift the baby.

Bitzee · 08/01/2026 07:44

dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:34

This is going to sound like a total shambles but the next to me has been sat in the main bedroom which is where we assumed baby wood be. And DH and I felt it would be better to actually have baby and me in the nursery. So no, DD actually thinks baby will be in the room with her in the main bedroom - which she had been looking forward to

Show quote history

That’s definitely for the best because the baby would definitely disturb DD’s sleep if you were all in together and probably vice versa too. But you guys do need to tell her that it won’t be happening! I would play up how much babies cry and wake. Then make sure to spend lots of 1:1 times with her in the day whilst DH is on pat leave so she doesn’t feel pushed out. It will be fine. They all go through this adjustment.

Original poster
dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:51

anonlawyer · 08/01/2026 07:41

Why are you giving your toddlers bedroom away? Surely at 3 you are trying to get her to sleep in her own room rather than giving up your own bed. You need to sort out bedroom 3 for the baby (unless you are planning they will share which is also fine) - they’ll be in with you for 5/6 months anyhow.

children are v resilient btw and you have the perfect age gap - good luck and congratulations for your new baby!

The toddler room will ultimately be for both children. The third room needs to become an office for DH at some point as he does WFH in the lounge/dining room.

We would love to transition her into the room but we couldn't do it in time. And also we figured she will be more settled in the room she ordinarily sleeps in. And I temporarily need to sleep away from her because of the c section.

OP posts:
Original poster
dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:52

Moonnstarz · 08/01/2026 07:42

Also if you and the baby are in a room alone, is your DH going to be running down the hallway in the night to help you? They say you need to be careful lifting after a C section. I was ok and took things easy (also had a toddler and was fine picking up the baby) but I know for some people they struggle with that, so it's a bit of a strange set up you not being close to the other adult who could help you lift the baby.

That is how we've discussed it'll have to happen. It's a small house and not much of a corridor. The two rooms are right next to each other. It's the best we can do with the set up I think.

OP posts:
Theroadt · 08/01/2026 07:59

Bitzee · 08/01/2026 07:30

But haven’t you guys already agreed that it won’t be DD’s room any more and that it will be you and the baby in there from now on?? I don’t she’ll be bothered at all if she never sleeps in there but if she was going to get upset surely it would be because her room has been given to the new baby, not at a small furniture rearrange. DH probably should have checked with you that the new arrangements works for you, since you’ll be the one using the room, but that’s a minor thing really and sounds like he was just trying to be practical. I don’t think he’s done anything massively wrong, certainly not towards your 3YO.

I’d agree with this. I think the bigger issue than furniture is the close sleeping bond with daughter that will be disrupted when OP goes with baby into daughter’s room. I think that’s the aspect that might cause trouble/jealousy not furniture. However the jealousy will pass, as will the stammer (my son had one at same age), although keep an eye on that.

Moonnstarz · 08/01/2026 08:02

dodomin · 08/01/2026 07:52

That is how we've discussed it'll have to happen. It's a small house and not much of a corridor. The two rooms are right next to each other. It's the best we can do with the set up I think.

Show quote history

Will this not also be disruptive to DD? If she can't sleep in her own room (assuming doesn't settle/easily disturbed) is she not going to be impacted by DH getting up frequently in the night to check on you? If breastfeeding this will be quite frequent.
It's a tricky one to work out what to do.

TY78910 · 08/01/2026 08:03

I actually think it’ll be nice.
baby comes home and all the fuss is about DC2, that’s when you take your DD in to her room and say wow look we made it all nice for you - this is YOUR own grown up room etc

Randomchat · 08/01/2026 08:06

It will all work out op. Don't worry.

I hope all goes well today and you're soon cuddling your new baby.

Boredoflunch1 · 08/01/2026 08:12

Too late to get DD sleeping in her own room so the baby will have to sleep in there with you because there's no way you want a 3yo being woken by a baby.

frowningnotdrowning · 08/01/2026 08:17

I didn't lift Ds after I had a C section so as long as Dh was off work he lifted the baby, all through the night too so I just fed Ds, he winded him, changed his nappy etc. I think this is why my recovery from the first section was so easy.

I would have thought Dh being next to you for the first couple of weeks would have been the ideal situation.

Mamma28383 · 08/01/2026 08:21

Is the room better and more practical? Is so leave it, if not ask DH to move everything back. Keeping home comforts for your older child shouldn’t be to the detriment of your new baby and yourself.

I have a child with SEN so I understand the need to keep things the same as much as possible. I was more worried about my older one in childcare for the first time when I had my C-section than the C-section itself.