Juggling work and childcare? What haven't I considered because at the moment it looks bleak ...

[SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough]

Posting here for traffic as I am desperately searching for a solution - the numbers just aren't working.

Context. I am a SAHM with 2 year old DD. Solo mum, no father, no family to help with childcare. Live in London and moving is not an option (at least not at this stage). I had a decent chunk of savings which not enough for a house deposit but enough to take a couple of years off work. So that is what I have done. No benefits.
I've very happy to have had this time with DD but realistically, I've got maybe 9 months left before I will need to go back to work.

How?

Everyone talks about the free childcare hours but in my area it is still ridiculously expensive. Most nurseries have a 3 day minimum policy (those that aren't have really long waiting lists). Full time with the free hours is in the ballpark of £1500 per month. (That's going to be half my salary initially) after bills etc. I'm going to be in the negative each month).

How do you manage drop offs and pick ups and get to work on time? What about sick days, holidays, school holidays? I know this is old news but it's new to me and I am trying to figure it out and it all just seems impossible.

On top of this there are worries that mainstream may not be able to meet all of dds needs, though this will become clearer over the next 12-18 months.

Just to be clear this isn't a 'lifes unfair' thread, I'm hoping for some practical advice

Thank you

Do you have active or recently lapsed SC/DV status? If so look into applying for those, securityclearedjobs.com might be worth a look. Juggling work and childcare is really difficult. Personally I'd recommend looking at full time work and nursery/childminder if you can - just more jobs available. You may need to use your savings to top up your wages until school age. Unfortunately childcare often costs more than working pays (net) esp if you aren't entitled to any benefits. Better to use your savings to top up while you rebuild your career so that when school comes around you can then rebuild your pot instead of starting from scratch.

Sorry, haven’t read all the replies but have you looked at the civil service? There are various flexibilities (dependent on dept/business need) but if available, there’s term time working, some WFH etc.

You say the father isn’t in the picture, I hope you’re claiming CMS.

Look at public sector roles, often very flexible. Local authorities, civil service, arm’s length bodies (National Highways, Environment Agency, DVLA, Network Rail…).

As you’ve worked in the armed forces, I would suggest looking at civil service jobs, police staff jobs, fire brigade civilian jobs etc.

You will have more opportunities if you can work FT or 4 days a week. I work 8.30 to 4 with 30 min lunch break so almost full time but avoid late pickups.

I would suggest looking for work and then exploring options to buy somewhere to use up your savings (shared ownership maybe?) and then be entitled to universal credit help for childcare costs

If ex military id me looking at roles where your skill set is in demand, may mean moving but sometimes they help with housing costs even. I’m not as familiar with the army but defence contractors snap up ex navy and raf from personal experience, many seemed to be based near me in Bristol. You could also apply to the mod as a civil servant, good benefits and wfh is common making pick up and drop off easier. My sil is a contractor and gets Friday pms off as an example, only 2 days a week in office.

Some very helpful suggestions re. civil service and public sector. It's not what I have retrained to do but at this point it's more about survival than career ambition.

To the people saying I will regret running down my savings, I can't see that being ever the case. I've been in a very fortunate position that I had the financial resources to spend the first 2 -3 years with DD who really needed me. This time has been invaluable, the best days of my life, and honestly wouldn't change a thing. I did consider moving to a cheaper area but as with everything it is MUCH easier said than done. I didn't have enough for a sensible deposit and then there is the issue of needing a job to get a mortgage. I applied for approx 300 flats to rent up north offering 6 months rent up front when I was pregnant and got nowhere.

I can see options in the future but am struggling most with the initial step back into work.

Have you looked into using enhanced learning credits which you’ll be entitled to as an armed forces leaver (if you served 6 years minimum). It could pay for a first degree for you, or used in smaller lump sums of up to £2,000 to do some courses whilst you are still off. What rank were you when you left? There are loads of veterans schemes, Barclays do a really good one but if you google it you’ll find more.

If I were you, I’d use up savings until I was below 16k to start a UC claim then get any part time job that fits within childcare hours. That will give you some money coming in and the part time hours will give you time to think about what you want to do full time and then possibly do some online courses to increase employability. It sounds like you’ve already got lots of transferable skills. It will all work out but it will take a while to get on your feet.

I worked for charities for years when my child was younger. I actually started by volunteering and then when a paid job came up, they offered it to me. They are pretty flexible and more understanding than other employers (take that with a pinch of salt as it’s only my personal experience).

What did you retrain to do?

Applying to the public sector doesn't mean the end of career ambition. Despite having to your children and being a single mum and working flexibly around them I was able to climb swiftly up the career ladder in my public sector role and I've had a really interesting and fulfilling career.

UX design. That said, I would take a career in the civil service or public sector in a heartbeat

I am pretty sure I have a friend who does that exact role within the public sector or rather they did and then have had several promotions and now lead quite a large department.

I think if you haven’t got a job yet I would think/research where you will work/live to make your life easier.
If you can reduce travelling/commuting it will help.

As others have said, there’s no amazing answer here. Leaving a really expensive part of the country could help but I see you’ve explained that one - I know moving isn’t always easy but it’s worth thinking about it again. I do encourage you to find a job sooner rather than later so you build up some experience and goodwill before school age where the real juggling begins. Nursery days are counter intuitively much easier which I see others have mentioned.

I am not a single parent but my husband and I are immigrants and he travels a lot for work so I am often on my own with our 2 kids. We both work full time. It took years and years to develop a village and when we were looking for a bigger house and my husband wanted to move to another part of the city I put my foot down hard - he didn’t need the village as much as I did and I couldn’t face starting from scratch. So I understand it’s not that simple.

id definitely look around for childminders. Here the waitlist for nursery places is crazy but it’s actually easier they get older as kids move house etc so things change. I’d reach out and get on some waitlists and see all the options you have. As you’re starting your career from scratch just apply for everything and anything that sounds interesting and get some experience applying and hopefully interviewing. Good luck!

Yes as single parent I used a childminder. Went to see 4 or 5 and chose the one I felt I liked the most. Childcare.co.uk was great.

Also jobs like driving instructor, local council, local college, civil service might offer part time work and some flexibility?

Good luck. I had to change jobs but theyre totally worth it

I agree with all of this, having been there too. The nursery years as a lone parent are brutal and just about survival. It was just one stress after another and I couldn't be a good parent or a good employee, I was permanently shattered and run down.

You need at least semi sympathetic employers and 8-6 childcare hours. Would you consider being a TA? There are lots of jobs local to me for this type of work as it's fallen out of favour due to poor pay. I'd also recommend local authorities as they'd probably value your background.

Thankfully things improved a lot when my DD started school. I managed to cling onto my job and am now a much better employee. So hang in there.

I echo what PPs have said about looking for a term time only role if it's financially viable for you.
Also look into claiming DLA, if your DC has "greater needs than their peers" then you will likely be awarded something.

I wouldn’t get a school job, they are very intolerant of you being off and not flexible if DC has appointments, you are on totally fixed hours.
If you don’t have someone to cover sickness it’s really hard. It would be better to have a job that has flexible hours.
I know some people work for civil service on a term time basis.
If DC aren’t in school yet that isn’t an issue anyway just now.

As you say you are ex military, there are lots of charities and organisations that help former military find jobs/careers. It doesn't matter that you aren't directly leaving now, they still help you throughout your career.

Try the Officers' Association (the name is misleading, used to just work with officers, I believe your former rank is irrelevant now). Also recommend getting on linked in. As a lot work through there. The Forces Transition Group, Forces Employment Charity as a start, TechVets if that sector appeals to you. There are some great people who can help work out what you want to do, taking into consideration Childcare arrangements. They can also get you in contact with some companies who have great Veteran recruitment schemes. Which will hopefully also help you work out what you want to do. You didn't mention your background, but this help is for all levels of employment, from private to officer.

There are quite a lot of events too, which I would recommend going to as much as you can, to start networking and building some contacts that will help you with a supportive company and career. Not necessarily just a job (if thats important to you). London will actually be a great location to access more options for this, public and private sector.

The childcare side is always tricky, but if you can find the right role and sector for you, with a decent financial package, that will help the childcare feel more accessible.

Best of luck!

If your child has additional needs, have the professionals working with your child's discussed specialist nursery provision with you? It's free, with specialist staff, high ratios, various therapy teams (physio, OT, Speech therapy) often on site. The main downside is that it's usually school hours so 9-3ish. Some families then employ a nanny to collect and cover the hours until you get home from work.

Go back full time and use your funded hours with a childminder who are more accommodating but still trained to the same level as nursery staff and often have far more years of experience as nurseries employ lots of apprentices to keep their wage bills down.

Im one....im god mum to 3 now, still in close contact with the ones who have left, even the 30year olds. Ive gone to their homes to sit with children for over night hospital dashes, delayed my holiday to have them in an emergency on a Saturday, attended meetings with parents to provide support, done food parcels, had children in the evenings due to traffic once until 10pm. Raised EHCPs, had physio visits in my home, attended school open days and plays becouse parents couldnt....and lots more. Im not the only one i also know a cm who has had a tatoo to remember a child who died of illness that she had cared for 13 years.
Ive been yo weddings and funerals ive stayed with ones who moved away. Children come as babies and leave as teenagers but still visit on their way home.