Juggling work and childcare? What haven't I considered because at the moment it looks bleak ...

[SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough]

Posting here for traffic as I am desperately searching for a solution - the numbers just aren't working.

Context. I am a SAHM with 2 year old DD. Solo mum, no father, no family to help with childcare. Live in London and moving is not an option (at least not at this stage). I had a decent chunk of savings which not enough for a house deposit but enough to take a couple of years off work. So that is what I have done. No benefits.
I've very happy to have had this time with DD but realistically, I've got maybe 9 months left before I will need to go back to work.

How?

Everyone talks about the free childcare hours but in my area it is still ridiculously expensive. Most nurseries have a 3 day minimum policy (those that aren't have really long waiting lists). Full time with the free hours is in the ballpark of £1500 per month. (That's going to be half my salary initially) after bills etc. I'm going to be in the negative each month).

How do you manage drop offs and pick ups and get to work on time? What about sick days, holidays, school holidays? I know this is old news but it's new to me and I am trying to figure it out and it all just seems impossible.

On top of this there are worries that mainstream may not be able to meet all of dds needs, though this will become clearer over the next 12-18 months.

Just to be clear this isn't a 'lifes unfair' thread, I'm hoping for some practical advice

Thank you

Thanks for this. One thing at a time. At the moment my goal is just get back to work and find a childcare arrangement that works for DD. Unfortunately I'm not entitled to any benefits at all. I will in 1.5 years if I can't find find a way back into work before then. But that isn't the goal

Could you move closer to family so can have more support and then get a job in that area. I know leaving London is difficult but it might all make life easier.

I have one family member (father) who lives in London. It is why I need to stay here for now.

If you find a job which allows flexible working and compressed hours it can help a lot. When I first went back to work after mat leave my partner and I both compressed our hours, doing 5 days over 4. He had every Monday off with our daughter and I had every Friday, so we only needed three days of nursery.

I also wfh 2-3 days a week so can drop off and pick up easily. For sick days one of us takes annual leave (she's currently 3 - as she gets older I imagine we'll be able to stick her on the sofa with a dvd and a hot chocolate and we'll still be able to get some work done).

Realistically though there are long lead in times for nurseries. September is usually a good time for them to start as all the pre-school children will have just left for school and there are places available, so try and get your name down for an autumn start at some of the ones with waiting lists.

MN would have every mother working PT! MN also builds an idea that working FT as a single mum is an impossible feat!

It is not true in the real world. Of course it is hard, but impossible it isnt. I worked, and inevitably became close to other single mums and we managed. I also got to meet single and not single professional working mums through school and again, we all dine fine.

The two keys to doing it is as already stated, be prepared to give extra any chance you have to reap the rewards. Too many working mums want to only the strict minimum because... they're mums, but expect everyone to offer them flexibility. It doesn't work like that. The other advice is to build a village around you. If like me you don't have family or an involved dad, build it with others in the same situation. I worked with three other mums, working out a schedule for the summer weeks months in advance. Days my kids went to them, days theirs came to me. Some days I had 6 children, but somehow, it was actually often the easiest days. Bringing up your child to be polite, with good manners, friendly with other kids helps a lot!

My little on goes to nursery three days a week all year round and it costs us about £250 a month. More expensive when there is school holidays. I drop off at 8am in the morning and then get to work in London for 9:15am (nursery /home is zone 6 and work is in zone 1). Then my husband collects at 5:45pm. We also have another child in school who also needs to be collected before then. If I was on my own I would drop off same time or potentially earlier as it opens at 7am and ask to finish at 5pm to ensure I can make collection. I actually work till 6pm.

school holidays for the eldest are a mix of holiday clubs and grandparents and annual leave. If we didn’t have grandparents we would have to take our annual leave separately and use holiday clubs more than we do. Holiday clubs that operate between 8am and 6pm are hard to find and don’t operate every half term so you have to be selective with what holidays you book off. Prices range from £30 to £50. That is without the 20 per cent tax. Nursery runs all year round.

We both cover sick days depending on what we have on at work. I can work at home with either child and cover this my husband has to take the day off. We have both been with our companies for a long time and built up loyalty so they know we don’t take the pee. The problem you have is you will be going into a new role and you won’t get away with this in your probation.

Childcare is a real ballache. Add in any additional needs and it becomes an even bigger ballache. I'd use the nursery years to work up a good relationship with a boss in hopes of a wfh flexible role when you have proved yourself.

Nursery is actually the best time to work because they are open later/more aligned with work hours. They are often more reliable too. However a childminder might be better for the school years especially if you are thinking there might be additional needs. Look for a school with wraparound care and holiday clubs. Where I am there are no sen holiday clubs at all. In fact there is very little holiday clubs at all. Ridiculous hours like 10 till 1.
So nursery or childminder would be the only option.

There is no wraparound care at my children's school every year they talk of it and don't implement it. They also won't have 1 to 1 support/supervision so my middle child couldn't access it anyway. There are no childminders where I am I seem to live in a place where everyone has a grandparent doing the school runs. This means the other parents don't need any shared help. Hopefully where you are that won't be the case make friends with school parents so you can help eachother out in a squeeze (depending on your childs needs they may or may not appreciate the extra friend time)

The 6 weeks summer holidays are hard going.
You can take off parental leave to cover some of it if you can afford it but get in early with the request for work they can chose to delay it by 6 months which is entirely unhelpful. swap with other parents that need childcare.

All of this depends so much on what your child's needs are and what they can cope with. Definitely start the ball rolling with assessment ehcp/dla it can take so very long. Prepare for school to be a bit shit for support and for your local authority to be too. (Really hope it wont be)
It wasn't untill school my child's needs really ramped up and became apparent.My child can just about tolerate school and even then will have periods of school refusal. So can't access any extra childcare settings at all. He needs calm quiet comfortable settings. Ideally a nanny would be the only way I could work but I can't afford one. Flexible Self employment is the only way I can work even a little. I don't say this to be negative. More that if I had a crystal ball at the nursery stage I would of put all my focus on finding a job that allowed flexibility and wfh. Doing a good two years of working up some good graces to allow me more flexibility for school time.

Saying that it's really hard to find a job and anything can happen redundancy, management changes etc so if you can only work part time and need to rely on benefits then thats what you need to do. It's so hard everyone is just winging it and trying to survive. I wish you both the very best .

Sorry i agree with this and this has been my experience with childminders also. Poor care, sat in front of tv most of the day, mistakes on invoices, needed more time off. I also don’t believe they are stimulating enough for kids over 3 or as good at preparing them for school. We have found nursery much better and safer.

Best of luck to you op as i’m sure it will be tough. Definitely take advantage of the 20% tax free childcare on top of the funded hours. Instead of 9-5 i worked 8-4 which helped. I now changed my hours again once my eldest started reception but have been lucky with a flexible employer.

Have you considered looking at jobs in schools? With school hours and term time?

I think the problem is that you’ve walked blindly into this and not planned for the future beyond spending your savings.

I put my eldest on the nursery waiting list at 6 months old, youngest probably shortly after birth.

You need to decide on childcare and go for it and work your working hours around it with a bit of flexibility from employer and from the nursery (or childminder). Once you’re in the door it’s much easier to change around hours and days.

A nursery that opens at 8am allows you plenty of time to get to work for 8:30/9am and to leave by 4:30/5pm to collect. Sick days you just have to manage. Mine went to nursery with a cold or a cough, only stayed home for a fever, d & v or chickenpox. School holidays for now are easy because you can have year round care.

When you get to actual school age, childcare gets much trickier. You will need to use wraparound care or work school hours (for example, I have largely worked 4 days spread over 5, 9-3) so I could do the school runs. I used a mix of AL and holiday club to cover the school holidays. You can also swap care with a friend where you each have them 1-2 days a week in exchange for them doing 1-2 days a week - it’s a fun playdate for them and free childcare for you.

Tax free childcare and funded hours should make it significantly more affordable. When my eldest was in nursery, I just had to pay for everything. You will need to spend down your savings and apply for UC to cover the extras.

Just few things popping into my mind, and sorry if not suitable to your situation:

• you could perhaps find a childminder or babysitter to just top up nursery hours, like drop off/pick up?
• can you look for jobs that allow some flexibility with working from home? That would help a lot with drop offs/pick ups and, if allowed, potentially with sickness days
• have you considered self employment, to be able to be more flexible?

There is no way around it: nursery/school days are a real struggle for working parents with no family support. We made it through with a lot of stress and now that DS is in school we seem to have settled into a routine of compromises. But it was a shock to the system in the early years!!!
From a financial standpoint, bear in mind that it will not last forever. You can easily calculate how many years/months from joining nursery to starting school you will need to pay those fees and budget from there. Take into consideration tax-free childcare and free hours.

I understand it’s harder these days due to visa requirements but if you have room in your home could you look into employing a live-in au pair?

They would need to have the correct visa and you need to pay them minimum wage (and from that you would deduct the reasonable cost of accommodation and possibly also meals, most of those costs you are incurring already). Whilst they might not do all the childcare you need this might give you that extra pair of hands for morning and evening transitions and may suit the right person who is looking for accommodation and this sort of work. It would be different to a nanny due to qualifications and experience.

Obviously there are some concerns and risks, but I just wanted to mention this as an option for you to consider.

Why on earth would you have spent three years renting and running down significant savings in the most expensive part of the country? That was… Short-sighted…

You don’t need to choose between working two days a week or full time. Why not four days? Two days would be paid by the government, then you pay 80% of the rest. If your dad is local, can he help with childcare in emergencies like sick days? Do you have a friend who you could do childcare exchanges with?

As a solo mum without a job or clear career path, balancing everything is going to be tough.

If your child has additional care needs look into dla/carers. People sometimes think you need a diagnosed medical condition but it is based on additional care needs compared to average child of that age. If you think a mainstream nursery might not meet dc needs that suggests additional care.
When i had dc I was unexpectedly single and was forced to career change as in a specialised role that declined my flexi/pt requests. I retrained as a teacher and work pt - finding something term time reduced the childcare issues as dc went to nursery term time and now I only pay for wrap around 3 days

Its been nearly impossible to make any long term plans in my situation. I'm only just reaching a point where I can make a 5+ year plan. It sucks, but it's how it's worked out.

I still don't have a stable living situation.

Just for information the Civil Service (or at least the bit I'm aware of) has a guaranteed interview scheme for former armed forces. If you pass the sift you will be interviewed. Might be a good place to start when looking for a job.

I was a single mom with two young children. Both with some Medical needs.

I found a job working in the public sector and they were brilliantly supportive of me. If a child was ill I could work from home or take leave a short notice. I also made up some of my hours in the evenings once the children were in bed so that I could fit my work in to the time between nursery runs. In fact once the children were older I didn't use breakfast club and after school club I just dropped my hours a little bit and caught up on all my work once they were in bed and work were brilliant about allowing this.

It does depend on the particular role you get in the public sector how flexible they can be of course. But it has felt like a very family friendly place to work and I have always felt supported if one of the children is ill or anything.

Public sector can also be a good place to look if you are looking for a career change as they often have quite unique roles where anyone recruiting will be looking for transferable skills as much as prior experience.

I’m not trying to be too harsh here, but you have a DC to think of and prioritize. You’re a solo mum who needs a career change, and DC has some additional needs and you’re not entitled to benefits. Living in London is going to be very difficult. It would surely be better to move somewhere cheaper where also the childcare would likely be cheaper and get Dc settled there.

I think you are probably going to regret running down your savings treading water somewhere so expensive, but you are where you are.

Do you have a genuine support network where you are? If not, I’d strongly suggest moving. When you run out of cash, your options for accommodation in London are going to be very limited against very long waiting lists. What kind of salary will you be looking at?

Do you have a degree? If not, going to uni and retraining would mean you start a new career when your DD is at school. It’s kicking the can down the road a bit, but would buy you time and more options. Sometimes unis have crèches and study could fit around childcare.

Agree, not to rude OP but you need to prioritise your daughter over your dad. Either he houses you in London and provides mutual support, or he can move with you if he wants.

It is so hard, almost impossible to raise a child as a single parent with no family support. It’s absolutely brutal unless you have some kind of support network. I really struggled and I had no one to rely on.

MN always advise single mums to focus on building a support network and I agree with that 100% even though that wasn’t possible for me. The mums at my child’s nursery and school were either not interested in making friends or had an army of support already. Most of them were married and had parents, in-laws, and siblings who would babysit, share the pick ups, etc. Outside of work and school, I was too knackered to make friends.

I lived in a constant state of anxiety trying to rush to and from work with the 8-6 childcare hours. And sick days were a worry, as were school holidays. I had 25 days plus bank holidays to cover 13 weeks of school holidays a year. School holiday club didn’t always match up with my child’s school holidays, and I remember they used to close for the last week of the summer holidays. You have to plan in advance where possible and think on your feet when it all goes wrong.

In the early years, use a nursery instead of a childminder as they have fewer holidays and there’s less risk of them closing unexpectedly due to illness.

I did it and lived to survive the tale but it was brutal! Even though there are so many single parents now, the world is not set up for us.

My honest advice is to use up most of your savings (you can keep under 6k) and claim UC, it’ll make your life so much easier. It’ll be hard enough on UC but I don’t know how you’ll manage without it. I was similar to you, wanting to support myself and my child through hard work and not rely on benefits but unless you were already in a high paid job before having a baby, that’s almost impossible. I still worked incredibly hard but I also claimed benefits, I had no choice as I wouldn’t have been able to afford the childcare on my own. UC pays up to 85% of childcare costs from a registered provider.

If you are open to a desk job, rather than being out & about - find a full time job that you can do remotely / hybrid. There are many openings listed on the Civil service jobs that are listed as Hybrid. -- benefits of being FT are better career prospects & growth; better pension.

https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi

Op - I am armed forces, feel free to DM me if you want to chat! Have you considered tapping into your old association for some support? Not sure how long you served. What line of work are you looking to go into? And do you know what sort of additional needs your DD may have? Our DD has a genetic condition and nursery has been brilliant at working together with us, as well as supporting us with referrals and evidence for appointments etc.

It's a pie in the sky thought but I wonder if a term time school admin job might possibly work? You could then use term time hours at a nursery or at the school itself if it has its own pre school. Then top up with UC. Might actually make you better off.

I ended up going PT and WFH which shafted my career prospects massively.

I work for a bank and there is a huge military network - we employ lots of ex service folk. Might be something to look into.