Worrying about kids sleepover

[Daisychain88]

My kids have been asking to sleep over at their grandparents. One is 7 and the other is 3. I have fixed bedtime routines at home and we enjoy the routines together. But I think their grandparents have been pushing for the sleepover and have been mentioning it to my kids and they have been coming back from there saying can we sleep over next time.

Grandparents are lovely and do take kids out etc but I do deal with anxiety aswel of certain things. One of them is hygiene and I worry about my kids going to the toilet and not be washed properly sounds ridiculous I know. But I am quite thorough and I know grandparents do things very differently to me because my kids tell me oh grandma did this and that. It's very sensitive to tell my MIL aswel and also my DH won't say anything because he is ok with it. Am I over reacting?

Is this a decision I should make or should I consider my kids experiences? I have said no a few times my DH is saying we should let them.
How can I push past my thoughts? Any logic would be good.

It’s one night!

Wait till they are teenagers, and up to all sorts. You can't control everything. Have a night off and send them to grandparents.

You need to weight the benefits (the dc's pleasure, their sense of adventure, better relationship with gps) against the risks (might be less hygienic than you prefer).

It doesn't sound like they'll come to any harm.

Exactly

If the kids want to go and the grandparents are nice, normal loving people then you should let them go. It’s only 1 night and it’s not the end of the world if they don’t have a proper wash… If that’s your main objection then yes that does sound ridiculous.

1 night is absolutely fine even if they aren't washed well.

Sounds great! Enjoy the night off. Also re hand washing, this is something that needs to come from your kids. My kids are 4 and 2 and wash hands independently (and properly) because they know why they are doing it. It's not just some arbitrary timewasting activity (which is definitely what I thought it was as a kid 😂).

I think a lovely relationship with loving grandparents outweighs minor niggles over things being done differently. The bedtime routine is nice bonding time. As others say, one night of being a bit grubby isn’t going to hurt - but if it’s skin irritation you’re worried about can you not encourage the DC to use a wet wipe after a poo, send them off with a pack, and just ask grandparents to remind them as well citing said skin irritation if they don’t?

Think of it this way if the worst happened and you/ your husband were in hospital and the kids had to stay with their grandparents it would be less of an upheaval for them if they were used to it. In less dramatic circumstances it would be nice for you and your husband to have a night away together once in a while.
Unless you have some other concern besides routine and hygiene I think you should go with it

It is paticularly the handwashing. Sometimes grandma doesn't use soap said my 3 yo so it is bothersome but she will say she has.
But most people are saying let them go. They do really want to go but it is kind of worrying for me. Don't want to be selfish aswel and rob them off a memory together. It is 1 night but will be the next full day too maybe an outing somewhere. Just clarifying it. Shall I delay it until the thoughts settle? My 7yo is really excited and keeps mentioning it even though I haven't arranged it and she thinks she's going.

You are being ridiculous OP. Just make sure you say to MiL and FIL “please just a reminder to check dc is washing hands properly as often they skip soap and with so many germs it’s important they follow the rules so it’s a habit every time especially as this is something school and nursery insist on”.

Job done. Then don’t overthink.

Your elder child is fast getting to the age of school trips, Scout camps etc so a night with grandparents is a great stepping stone for this.

You thoughts are never going to settle. You’ll be delaying forever. You’re worried about hygiene and routine being disrupted for such a small period of time. Unless one of your kids is immunocompromised or has severe allergies you need to learn to let sone things go for your own sanity. Teach your kids appropriate self care and trust that they will follow it. Otherwise yiur going to really struggle to relinquish control when they get older

You need to get some help and stop projecting your anxieties onto your children before it’s too late and you’ve damaged them.

This is a you issue and you would be very selfish to withhold these very normal childhood experiences from your children.

Loads of 3 year olds won’t be washing their hands when they’re at nursery. Grandma and grandad’s will probably be cleaner than any nursery

Bleach them when they get home

This. Just pitch handwashing as a routine they need to get into and you’re trying to instil because it’s important for mucky school and nursery, rather than a slight on MIL. It would be daft to put limits on a loving relationship (and some babysitting for yourselves!) over handwashing. If they forget sometimes, they forget, it’s not ideal but nor is it ruinous.

Kindly - your level of anxiety over this is unreasonable. Your kids may have their hands washed slightly less or with slightly less vigor than if they were with you but the risks associated with that are low. This is a real opportunity for them to grab a tiny slice of independance and for grandparents to enjoy their grandkids. It's also good for you to get a little break and to let go a bit. The oldest must be at school? I am sure handwashing isn't a big thing there! As they get older they will want to take more and more "risks". Walking on walls, climbing frames, dates, town on their own, solo holidays.. It could be terrifying if you don't get control of your anxiety now. My rule is; if they may die I step in, if they may get a bit hurt I let them try and find their own feet before I step in. So far she has rarely got hurt and has really learned some great independant skills.

Give your head a little wobble on this one!

Let them go and stay. It’s such a special bond that grandchildren have with grandparents and they will have the best time. You need to manage your anxieties over these types of situations as they get older as there will be lost more things they want to do that you won’t like.
my kids were staying at their grandparents and great grandparents from when they were about 1 year old and they all had the best relationships

OP let them go. Your eldest will soon be going on residential school trips so a good opportunity for them to be more independent in advance of that. Also mine came back like Stig of the dump from scout camp and school trips.
its ok. Unclench.

Why are you pissing on everyone's bonfire? Let them go. At 7 my DS was going to my parents for a week at Christmas or summer holidays at his request. Yes they do things differently to me but so what?

I didn't allow my kids to go to sleepovers at my parents and they definitely haven't missed out..

Trust your gut. Tell the grandparents to stop dropping hints and behave themselves.

If you don't want them to go, they don't go.

What do you think is going to happen if they don't wash their hands for one night? 😐

😆

Why didn't you let them go? Staying with my Grandparents in the holidays was one of the best parts of my childhood and I have wonderful memories. It's a shame if children don't get to experience that.