Worrying about kids sleepover

[Daisychain88]

My kids have been asking to sleep over at their grandparents. One is 7 and the other is 3. I have fixed bedtime routines at home and we enjoy the routines together. But I think their grandparents have been pushing for the sleepover and have been mentioning it to my kids and they have been coming back from there saying can we sleep over next time.

Grandparents are lovely and do take kids out etc but I do deal with anxiety aswel of certain things. One of them is hygiene and I worry about my kids going to the toilet and not be washed properly sounds ridiculous I know. But I am quite thorough and I know grandparents do things very differently to me because my kids tell me oh grandma did this and that. It's very sensitive to tell my MIL aswel and also my DH won't say anything because he is ok with it. Am I over reacting?

Is this a decision I should make or should I consider my kids experiences? I have said no a few times my DH is saying we should let them.
How can I push past my thoughts? Any logic would be good.

What is actually worrying you - not washing their hands?
At school do you think they wash their hands properly or when the school take them out on trips?

This. Although I practically lived with my GP (both sides!) as they were my childcare from when I was a baby. But I absolutely loved being with them and was so close to them all 😊

Don’t let your anxiety affect them any more than it already does.

And for anyone who says their children don’t know about their anxiety, that they hide it etc, your children do know and you aren’t hiding it. My friend grew up in a household with a mother with health and hygiene anxiety. I’m sure her mum would say she hid it from her children, but it was obvious to me as a young child whenever I went to their home, and her children have had to spend a long time trying to recover from it as adults.

Send them and look on it as not only a good thing for them but a gentle challenge to your own anxiety.

Send them with a bottle of hand sanitiser each.

You don’t know how long grandparents will be around for. Let them go and enjoy special time with their grandparents and make memories. You only get one childhood. They won’t be wanting to stay with nanny and grandad when they’re in their teens so let them go while they’re still young enough to enjoy it and still want to. Kids will be picking up all sorts of germs at school touching door handles and tables that have been touched by other kids who haven’t washed their hands properly or playing outside in a messy sandpit/ grubby field. Completely irrational to deprive them of quality time with GPs over handwashing

Unless the grandparents live in a gingerbread house in the forest, and have names like Grizelda and Voldemort, you should let them have the sleepover.

This ^

God it’s one night with their grandparents - not one night with Freddy Kruger. You are projecting onto them - if you are not careful they will grow up to have the same anxiety as you - don’t.

OP I think you are getting a bit of a hard time on here for what is obviously a mental health issue you have with regards your children's hygiene. Is this something you are getting help with, if not then please do so by way of your GP as your anxieties will otherwise overshadow your children's lives particularly when they want to do 'normal' kids things like sleepovers, school trips, visits to the park etc.
Please let them sleep over at the Grandparents, why not provide them with their own wash bags with a mini hand gel wash type thing inside it along with toothbrushes and flannels that way you can hope that they will use the hand wash with their Grandparents help as part of their routine whilst there.

Also perhaps try to do something for yourself whilst they are at the sleepover, a cinema visit, or catch up with friends, something that will help you take your mind off of the sleepover.

Wishing you well

Trust your gut my arse. Her gut is wrong.

Mind you, I’ve never once agreed with any post you have ever posted @Rosealeaso in a way I’m glad that you are once again talking bumpkin.

If it is your anxiety around hand washing and there are no other concerns then I do think you shouldn't let your anxiety impact on your children's childhood (I say this as a mum who has anxiety disorder). If it is that you feel they are too young or their GPs are heavy drinkers who are irresponsible then that's different and down to your judgement.

My kids have always been brilliant about washing their hands. However when they came back from a school away trip wearing the same joggers I sent them away in I realised that I can only do so much 🤣

Wondering if there are some baby steps here like your eldest going without the 3 year old and grandparents minding them in your home when you go out. Anyway, no worries, my mother was clinical and her mother was filthy. I stayed over loads and only came down with a vomiting big once. They will live.

Stop trying to control everything and think about what your children actually want. I loved staying at my grandma’s, I still remember it now. If they are good people and your children want to go, let them.

You sound like you’re having intrusive thoughts op?

You are being very OTT and unfair on your kids by letting an irrational fear stop them spending time with their grandparents.

You need to deal with your anxiety and let the kids go and have a great time.

Why can't your 7 y/o wash their own hands?

And if you are so worried about hand washing does that mean they aren't allowed anywhere with a toilet without you?

Let them go. It's one night. Your only concern is handwashing...

I do get what you are thinking OP and it took me a while to come to terms with it as well. It's not about routine and hygiene, it's about being able to control things with your children. You need to push yourself and let go, and next time it will be just so much easier. Don't focus on the small things, but on the greater benefits for everyone.
One kind friend, with children older than mine, once gave me a great advice: don't ever worry about what your PIL do/don't with your children as it's with you they will be growing up with and return to every night.

How do you know they haven’t missed out?

There must be more to this because most grandparents are loving and safe, and most parents are more than happy for them to look after their grandchildren once in a while.