AIBU to push him?

[in2mnds]

I have a 12yo son, who is not into sports or ‘manly’ things. This week he went for a trial lesson for martial arts. It was fascinating to watch (for me), but he hated it! AIBU to still push him to go for a term at least? He doesn’t like anything at the moment, but to spend time playing Roblox. The martial arts lesson was full on, really physical and he quite enjoys running and exercising, but doesn’t really make friends easily.
AIBU to push him?

YABU to push him to sign up for something he hates.

And what the fuck are “manly” things anyway? Let him find his own interests. Perhaps encourage him to do a trial lesson in something else, “manly” or not.

I wouldn’t push him. Just keep trying things until he finds something he likes or he will just resent you and hate it

Why does he need to be in to sports or manly things?

I wouldn't if he hates it, it will just become a battle to get him there and cost you lots of money and stress in the process.

Are there any other clubs he might like more locally?

YABU just for the Manly things comment

He didn't enjoy it. Don't push him. If he likes running then look at a running club perhaps?

Surely (hope to god) this is just rage bait?

I think that a child should try an activity for 3 weeks then make a choice. Of course if the child is distressed then withdraw.

Would you like to be pushed into doing something you did not like doing ?? Let him decide for himself.

He’s twelve! Why would he like ‘manly things’? I have a thirteen year old. The rule is he has to do some kind of vigorous exercise three times a week, but it’s up to him what.

Exercise required, but let him choose.

Why 3 weeks if it’s obvious it’s something they hate? That’s what a trial lesson aims to find out.

YABU to push your 12 year old into anything and for wanting “manly things”.
Ask him what he wants to do and follow his lead. My children have to do something but they decide what. My DD never really settled into anything, DS found a sport that he loves and is good at. What has he tried? What does he like?

Most places only offer 2 sessions max free for a trial though

YABU.

No, if he hates it, he hates it. Look for something else. Junior gym? A lot of gyms now offer sessions (usually accompanied by a parent or supervised) for his age.

Do whatever it takes to get him off Roblox and getting aerobic exercise for a couple of hours every day.

He has already tried karate, football, basketball. Only liked basketball, but doesn’t want to go anymore, as hasn’t made any friends there. Karate was with his previous group of friends, but we have moved away. Hated football, but persevered couple of months- this was at school, so I had no influence on this.
I wrote ‘manly’ in my post, as I can’t find better word for it. My DS’ father has no influence in his life, the other child is our older daughter- so I can not make my son become a man. I have been mothering him too much and I am just trying to ’toughening’ him up a bit.

Jesus wept.
And people wonder why (some) men become hubs of toxic masculinity, suppressed misdirected anger, and begin worshipping Andrew Tate, or develop serious MH disorders and kill themselves and others.

Christ, leave him alone and let him be himself.

Not everyone likes sports, no matter how 'manly' you think it might make them.

Is your ex saying the this? Otherwise, you are wholly unreasonable.

@in2mnds isn't it your role just to model decent human behaviour?

Yes YABU
why does he need to do a sport he hates? Why do you think sports are “manly”?
It’s fair to want him to do something active for the sake of his health but it could be anything- an athletics class if he likes running, gymnastics, swimming, dancing, orienteering, gym session for under 16s….

No. Don't push him.
I was pushed into Judo as an early teen. My sister loved it and went on to compete at a national level. I hated it. I was shit at it. And I was berated for not doing well at it. I used to hide in the loos when I went.

Kids, or anyone, do well at things they enjoy.

Yes YABU. Take him to play tennis or something similar with you and try that instead

You don’t need to make your son a man, you just need to bring him up to be a decent human being. He will be who he is. There are lots of different kinds of men.
Also he’s far more likely to make friends if you stop trying to force him to be someone he’s not, find something he enjoys and support him to do that, he’ll find his “tribe” eventually.