AIBU to push him?

[in2mnds]

I have a 12yo son, who is not into sports or ‘manly’ things. This week he went for a trial lesson for martial arts. It was fascinating to watch (for me), but he hated it! AIBU to still push him to go for a term at least? He doesn’t like anything at the moment, but to spend time playing Roblox. The martial arts lesson was full on, really physical and he quite enjoys running and exercising, but doesn’t really make friends easily.
AIBU to push him?

You don't need to "make him a man" or "toughen him up" for crying out loud!

That's toxic masculinity and won't lead anywhere good

If sports aren't his thing have you tried Scouts or Cadets or St John's? Music lessons? Dance? Cheer? Warhammer? DnD? Book club? Presuming you want him to make friends and get off his computer...

Widen your net from your perceived "manly" ideas

Omg, no wonder people think they want to change sex if this is what gets pushed down their throats by their own parents.

My boys hated teams or group sports, loved gym, weightlifting, climbing, sailing, skiing anything that’s quite individual and only competing really against yourself or the elements. they never ever did rugby, football, cricket etc

Maybe he’s that kind of kid, other wise try pottery, art etc is he likes Roblox he is maybe more creative minded

You don't need to 'make' him a man, that will be the inevitable outcome of him growing older.

Or do you mean you don't want him to be effeminate, or gay? Of it helps, I don't think there's much you can do, or a father could do, to alter that outcome. All you can do is love and support the young man he is, and will be.

If your concern is health, maybe try Parkrun, or street dance, or swimming, or go with him to the gym?

If your concern is friends, maybe a local theatre group, or a running club?

really unreasonable to push him if he hated it. Sometimes we need to support them to keep going to something they are interested in but a bit nervous/shy/whatever while they get used to it and still building confidence but this isn't that. Let him find something he's actually interested in and let him be himself. He doesn't have to be 'manly'.

If he quite LL's kes running take him to Park Run every week. He'll get a bar code and every run will be timed so he can see if he can get a PB time each time he runs.

OP, I work with children with severe mental health issues and anxiety and I've noticed over the last couple of years that every single one I see is addicted to Roblox. I've since done a lot of personal research into gaming addiction and I honestly think Roblox and other addictive games and short form media is responsible for the huge increase of depression and mental health issues in young people. Games like Roblox have the same affect on the brain as gambling addiction, they effectively borrow dopamine from the future when playing and have a crash when they come off it, which contributes to the anxiety and low mood they feel socially and when trying new things. I would seriously consider a screen detox if you want him to have other interests.

After that, have you considered music or other youth groups rather than sports?

I kinda see where you’re coming from. It doesn’t sound like he has a lot (any) of male influence/role models in his day to day. I do think it’s important, just as I think girls need the same.

So here’s the question… are you looking for him to be in a group that gets boy time, gets him exercise, or a group that gets him into big friend groups?

Then sort of quietly ask him if you can… what did he like/dislike about karate, football, Roblox, etc.

I think you’ll be able to figure something out from there.

There is zero point in him
doing martial arts if he doesn't want to, it needs the kind of discipline that only comes with actual commitment.

Try a skateboard it sorted my ds out @in2mnds

Let him be himself and develope into the person he will become.
The toughening up I'm sure isn't required.

I would encourage him to persevere with basketball and karate as he knows he enjoys it but might need to give them more time to fit in and start making friends. Personally if you talked to the coach he might be able to make him feel more included without making it obvious.

As he likes running, finding a local athletics club might be another option

Try a running club

Let him be the person he is , rather than the one you want him to be ..
It’s coming from a good place and you mean well to encourage him, but ..
I was like this too.. my boys hated me for it..
( we laugh now together, at my feeble but nevertheless relentless attempts to introduce them to generic ‘boy’ activities )
It was what anxious me wanted them to be .. sporty, popular.. but they were very uncomfortable in those scenarios..
FWIW they both are autistic, diagnosed mid teens .. they do their own thing now and I wish in retrospect, that I’d got off their backs .
Hugs and understanding ❤️

I don't think it's manly enough. Surely there must be a more testosterone-heavy option, such as Introduction to Cage Fighting?

Manly things 😂

Thank you all for your input. It kind of opened my eyes to how unreasonable and unrealistic I am! Lots to process and to think about. Cried for an hour this morning after reading all the replies.
Thank You All from the bottom of my heart.
Will try online detox and other suggested brilliant ideas.

Good grief op. Manly things? Toughen him up a bit? What am I reading!

Keep digging that hole. You want him to do manly things & to toughen up?!
My son goes to choir lol, he enjoys it. He does PE at school and plenty of footy etc with his mates. He'll never be into stereotypical male sports clubs, mostly because he doesn't enjoy organised sports. If someone forced you into a new activity you hated every few months how would you feel?