I’m finally done

[Lolill]

I’ve finally for 3rd time left my partner and took my two year old with me this time I am literally done because I falled for his lies again last year in the summer saying he was going to change for our son and cut the drinking and get professional help so he can be a good role model for our son for his future but he’s done none of that!! On the 2nd of January 2026 I left because he got really aggressive with me infront of our son and then in the pub he threatened a man that lives on the same neighbourhood as him and that was also in front of our son. He’s been messaging but I’ve only replied to one message when he asked if our son was ok but other than that I’m not replying and I’ve not spoken to him properly over the phone as I’m really hurt and had enough. If he was to take me to court I’m in the right arnte I to not let him have access to our son cause he can’t even have him on his own because he’s a drinker and also suffers with sleep apnea so he has to kip at some point in the day to catch up on sleep. What can I do ??

I think if it goes to court then your ex partner WILL get some sort of access.

Do you think he will bother going down the legal route? A lot of people say they will but then don't bother.

You can’t deny access entirely because he’s a drinker. You can certainly organise supervised access in a contact centre or supervised in the community by you or a family member/friend. He still has the right to see his son unless there’s a genuine safeguarding concern

I'm so sorry you've been in this situation, but well done for doing the right thing by yourself and your son. He would have to go to court to gain some sort of access, which he may or may not have the energy to do. You don't feel safe leaving your young child with him, so you can't at the moment. Focus on your self care, and your ds. Keep contact professional and imagine a judge reading it (because one day they might) anything that needs a response, can just be something like "I'm just thinking of the child" Any venting you need to do, vent to a trusted friend or anonymously online. Do not vent to him. He will likely try to suck you back in to his dysfunction, but stay strong for yourself and your child

You chose to have a child with this man so that child now has this as a father, it cannot now be a surprise to you that yes he will be allowed some form of contact

You need legal advice.

Screenshot any texts or evidence you have that indicate that he shouldn't be in charge of the child unsupervised.

Do you have any family support on either side?

He won't bother because he'll spend more time drinking and lose interest in fighting you amd for his child.

Its a great excuse to drink.

He passes out when he drinks

He passes out when he drinks though and he told me that he also wanted to make ago with our relationship because he didn’t want to lose us both but he constantly lets us down and then when he drinks he passes out hence why I can’t let him have his son on his own because if he drinks while having him then falls to sleep my son not going to be in a safe place!

So thats why you need to specify supervised contact - so that there is another adult there to help keep your child safe.

He says everytime we have a discussion but he’s always convinced me that he will get help with his drinking and he wants to work on our relationship as well but he lets us down constantly and when he drinks he passes out hence why I can’t leave my son with him on his own

This is why you need to have supervised contact. Can just be as simple as him and his mum take them to the park. But you can’t withhold access to his child altogether

I do have proof and family that have also seen what he’s been like and I even spoke to his mum and she even said that if he doesn’t help himself then he’s gonna grow to be a lonely man.

Whatever you do, do not ever let him convince you to try (yet) again. Draw a line in the sand this time. Hope everything works out for you and your son.

I’m not going to I just feel sorry for our son and I have so much guilt and thank you so much for the advice

both his mum and dad are elderly and they think his mum got on set dementia and she’s 70 and his dad 81

Well tbh he doesn’t even have the funds for court and when he does see his son when I’ve took him down even when he’s having a booze free day he does nothing with him and then sleeps most of the day because the night before he hasn’t slept because with his sleep apnea he can’t sleep and he’s had 3 appointments for the machine and both times he’s cancelled them

Luckily I have friends and family that are supportive and also seen his behaviour and I have proof and messages and I’ve also been keeping logs of the situation since June last year as I looked on the internet for advice and it said that court like to see some proof and to keep notes of the situation. And his mum an dad are elderly and his brother don’t even have a care in the world with his nephew and I just can’t let him have our son on his own because he’s not safe as his dad sleeps when he drinks and it’s just not safe 😞

Supervised access, and only if sober is probably ok. Children do miss their parents and it's that difficult balance of allowing contact but keeping them safe. Not just physically safe but mental too.

Sorry OP that you've gone through this and tried several times to get him to take stock of his life choices. For what it's worth, you've done the right thing. Be kind to you, it's going to be tough for a while as you sort things out for you and your son. Hugs

I’m sorry but I wasn’t going to get rid of my son because he was actually seeking help and then he quite towards the end and started drinking again and then he’s constantly let us down and then lied about changing also he passes out when he drinks and when he does chose not to have a drink for a couple of days he doesn’t even do anything with his son just spends like an hour and then he’s either having a nap in the day or just smoking. I’ve had to go this time and cut contact because he’s not good for us and I wanna give my son a good childhood not one where he will remember his dad drunk and constantly letting him down and being a shit dad.

Don't let yourself get weighted down with guilt.
It is very sad that you have to do this but you are doing the absolute best you can for your son and yourself and even your DH by getting to safety,

He is not a safe parent, however much he promises, from your description.
Leaving, might be the jolt he needs to change.

People may be right that he won't want to co parent but you have no guarantee of that so find out your legal rights and record evidence as a back up if ever needed. You need to look ahead to protect yourself and your son.

I'm sure people on here can recommend places where you can find out more or get advice about the legalities. Also, try some of the charities which deal with alcohol abuse for advice - I think there's one for families.

I would be happy for him to have his son on his own but I just can’t trust him to not have a drink while he’s got his son around him and it’s the fact he can sometimes pass out too. I’ve always been there to let him see his son and then we were working on everything but he’s let us down once again and I can’t keep putting our child through it . And thank you so much for your advice means a lot 🙂

Yes she can if she feels it is in the best interest of the child and the father is a safeguarding risk.It sounds like you would be best to report your concerns to social care though OP, if only to get it on record.

Then tell him he will have to go through court.Keep a log of any evidence which may be useful as proof or to fight your case, incase he does progress with things.

Keep your records- try to keep your son away from him. Alcoholic parents don't deserve their kids. From what you describe, it simply isn't safe at all for your son to see his dad, and certainly not unsupervised.

Just don’t contact him until he goes to a solicitor.
if he wants access the solicitors can deal with it.

I absolutely agree with holding access if a child is at risk