I’m finally done

[Lolill]

I’ve finally for 3rd time left my partner and took my two year old with me this time I am literally done because I falled for his lies again last year in the summer saying he was going to change for our son and cut the drinking and get professional help so he can be a good role model for our son for his future but he’s done none of that!! On the 2nd of January 2026 I left because he got really aggressive with me infront of our son and then in the pub he threatened a man that lives on the same neighbourhood as him and that was also in front of our son. He’s been messaging but I’ve only replied to one message when he asked if our son was ok but other than that I’m not replying and I’ve not spoken to him properly over the phone as I’m really hurt and had enough. If he was to take me to court I’m in the right arnte I to not let him have access to our son cause he can’t even have him on his own because he’s a drinker and also suffers with sleep apnea so he has to kip at some point in the day to catch up on sleep. What can I do ??

It is a risk concern I would love for him to have his son so he doesn’t miss out but I can’t trust him and it’s the face when he drinks he also passes out and when our son was born and the age of 2 he’s never really shown much interest and a bond with him and the way he treats me and tells me that our relationship is normal and then tells me to stick around because it won’t always be like this and he get help he doesn’t and he doesn’t change anything for us I just can’t do it anymore

He really isn’t and he can be aggressive in front of our son too when we go out and it’s a constant battle with this drinking and the fact he passes out when he drinks is really not safe if he was to have his son and then decides he wants a drink because it’s not just one it turns into 6 and he even said before if he was to have him he might need one drink to calm his nerves! And yeah I’ll definitely have a look lot at the charities for alcohol for families I could really do that and I spoke to a solicitor last year and the guy actually said that because I have a safety concern that I’m in the right to let him not have him on his own and that even though I’m letting him see his son but I’m there that the court wouldn’t take much interest because I’m not stopping him. But this time I just can’t go back and put our son through this and he’s already picking things up

I think you're doing the right thing. If you're comfortable with being the one to supervise the contact then that's fine but bear in mind that being in the same room as him gives him an opportunity to try to talk you into changing your mind. If you've got a friend or family member you trust then consider asking them to supervise.

Alcoholics are great at promising that tomorrow will be different. They'll stop drinking tomorrow. They'll get help tomorrow. They'll sort themselves out... tomorrow. And in the moment he's telling you this he may very well believe it because that's exactly what he's telling himself, too. This is why it's important to ignore what an alcoholic tells you about their drinking and, instead, pay attention to what he's actually doing. He's refusing treatment for his sleep apnoea, probably because he knows they'll likely tell him he needs to stop drinking. He is not getting help for his drinking. He drinks himself unconscious. Despite everything his drinking has cost him, he nevertheless continues to drink. His words are meaningless in the face of his actions.

Your son is dependent on you to keep him safe. You're doing the right thing.