To Not Want to go…

[IDoWonderWhat]

Friends having her little boy christened on Sunday.

I don’t want to go and I genuinely feel awful about this. She is such a lovely person and I want to celebrate this special occasion with her and I’ve let her down with her children’s events before because my kids have been sick.

There are several reasons I don’t want to go…

My 2 months old caught RSV / Bronc’ at 3 weeks old and was in hospital for 8 days in intensive care, I honestly thought we were going to loose him. I’ve also got a toddler so keeping my baby away from germs is hard! At 6 weeks he caught bronc again. He’s struggling to feed still but he’s much better. I’m absolutely terrified of him getting sick again and I think the whole ordeal has left me slightly traumatised.

My husband is really great and hands on but having a toddler and baby in a church seems like a disaster waiting to happen. The baby still isn’t 100% so he is so unpredictable at the moment, he’s also having his needles this week so I think one of us will end up outside the church with him so his crying doesn’t interrupt the service. Not a problem in the warmer months but it’s freezing!

I thought about just going to the celebration after. My main concern about this:

• I am really worried about having the baby around so many people.
• The venue is a 40 minute drive from us, because the baby is so congested he’s taking little and often which is making travel very difficult at the moment as his feeds are very unpredictable!
• Toddler has a dairy allergy so me or DH have to vet every buffet before he eats and we have to take snacks with us as we never know if there will be food he can eat so that’s just another thing to do!
• I am 8 weeks postpartum, I don’t feel good in anything and don’t feel I have anything to wear because what I want d to wear doesn’t fit.

WWYD? Do I just need to suck this up and stop being so dramatic? I feel really overwhelmed by it all, but like I say she’s a lovely friend.

I wouldn't go and be honest with my friend. Hopefully she will understand.

You wouldn’t go on your own and DH stay home with both DC? If I wanted to go, in your shoes that’s what I’d do.

Could you go alone or are you BF?
If not, I'd explain to my friend. I'd totally understand if someone told me what you had explained here. Send a lovely bunch of flowers/gift and card.

I think you should go. It's kind of the whole point of being a friend.

I assume your friend knows how poorly baby has been so you want to limit his exposure (and with him BF you can't leave him)

Ultimately a good friend would understand.

Dont go op. Send a lovely card and present and explain that you don’t feel up to it. If your friend can’t accept that graciously then I would rethink your friendship with her.

I'd go leaving husband at home with children. Could your mum or his mum help out? (I know a man should be able to cope for a few hours on their own but I've read enough threads on here to realise that a lot can't!)

How far away is the church? I would leave both kids with husband at home, attend church then just head back home.

Or if dont want to leave children, presumably your friend will understand given kids been so ill.

I would suggest you either go alone or not at all

Do you have anyone you can leave your children with for the service if you are worried about your baby disturbing it?

Unfortunately once a baby gets bronc they are much more susceptible and having an older sibling means you won’t be able to avoid viruses.

Putting your tiny, poorly, baby at risk is in no way the point of being a friend. An actual friend would understand the OP saying no.

OP - the toddler and baby in a church wouldn't put me off, but there's no way I'd take a baby thats been so poorly they were in ICU to a crowded gathering. I might go on my own/with toddler if I wasn't breastfeeding but wouldn't take the baby (and I'm generally very relaxed about these sorts of things!). And if your friend is actually a friend they'd understand.

40minutes each way, says in the OP

I wouldn't go, I'm sure your friend will understand

In those circumstances I would not go . Just tell your friend the truth, you are not being unreasonable.

Dont go. 2 months is tiny, totally acceptable to be staying in especially when your baby has been sick.

Ds was a bronchi baby and was hit in a similar
way to your son. I would have avoided the christening without doubt.

you go and husband watches his children at home, she is your friend

Go by yourself.

Don’t go, you won’t enjoy it, your anxiety will increase and your little ones will pick up on it. I’d be absolutely honest with your friend, I’m sure she’ll understand, I certainly would. Send a nice card and thoughtful gift, and suggest meeting up to celebrate when the weather improves and your little one is a bit older. Good friendships are invaluable, so it’s a little bump in the road x

What about you going on your own and leaving your husband at home with the kids? You could go for the church service and then leave?

Don't go. Card, present, and say it is just too risky for your baby, given what he has already been through. But say you would love to meet up later and hear all about it, see photos, etc when everything settles down.

Can your DH manage for 3 hours with them both? If do, I’d go to the service only and tell her how sorry I am to miss the party but baby is still recovering.

I would just explain it to your friend as you’ve done here. On the phone (having arranged a call, don’t cold call her) not in a text.

Im sure she’d understand.

Send a lovely present and card with apologies having had that conversation.

Leave the children with DH and go to your friend's celebration.

I would go frankly

I definitely wouldn't go. The baby is still unwell and you are not fully recovered from the trauma around the birth.
Send a lovely present and her her know now that you won't be coming. Don't waffle on, just say the baby is unwell again.