To Not Want to go…

[IDoWonderWhat]

Friends having her little boy christened on Sunday.

I don’t want to go and I genuinely feel awful about this. She is such a lovely person and I want to celebrate this special occasion with her and I’ve let her down with her children’s events before because my kids have been sick.

There are several reasons I don’t want to go…

My 2 months old caught RSV / Bronc’ at 3 weeks old and was in hospital for 8 days in intensive care, I honestly thought we were going to loose him. I’ve also got a toddler so keeping my baby away from germs is hard! At 6 weeks he caught bronc again. He’s struggling to feed still but he’s much better. I’m absolutely terrified of him getting sick again and I think the whole ordeal has left me slightly traumatised.

My husband is really great and hands on but having a toddler and baby in a church seems like a disaster waiting to happen. The baby still isn’t 100% so he is so unpredictable at the moment, he’s also having his needles this week so I think one of us will end up outside the church with him so his crying doesn’t interrupt the service. Not a problem in the warmer months but it’s freezing!

I thought about just going to the celebration after. My main concern about this:

• I am really worried about having the baby around so many people.
• The venue is a 40 minute drive from us, because the baby is so congested he’s taking little and often which is making travel very difficult at the moment as his feeds are very unpredictable!
• Toddler has a dairy allergy so me or DH have to vet every buffet before he eats and we have to take snacks with us as we never know if there will be food he can eat so that’s just another thing to do!
• I am 8 weeks postpartum, I don’t feel good in anything and don’t feel I have anything to wear because what I want d to wear doesn’t fit.

WWYD? Do I just need to suck this up and stop being so dramatic? I feel really overwhelmed by it all, but like I say she’s a lovely friend.

Dont go, shes not getting married

If your baby is sick I'm sure your friend would understand.
Just apologise and explain that you can't go. If she doesn't understand then she isn't a real friend

To add to my earlier post, I remember a thread from a while ago where the OP was having a difficult pregnancy and was worried about travelling to a friend's wedding. She ended up speaking to the brides sister who said the bride had actually been really worried that the OP was still planning to attend but wasn't sure how to broach the subject. So it could be your friend is also worried (I certainly would be!)

I am sure your friend will understand- the early are hard and even harder for you at the moment

I wouldn't go - tell your friend baby is still not well and very unsettled. Surely if she's a good friend, she'll understand? Send a lovely card and gift and tell her you'd love to get together and see the photos etc soon.

Part of being a friend is showing up to things like this, cant your husband manage for 3 hours at home with them?

I missed my friends wedding when I was 6 weeks post partum, and not even for reasons as good as yours. I was an emotional wreck and couldn’t face it.

I explained it to my friend and she completely got it, as any decent friend would.

Don’t put yourself under this unnecessary pressure

Part of being a friend is understanding that your friend (and her husband) have just been through a very traumatic event and the baby is still recovering from that (and the parents srill
recovering mentally) so may not always be able to attend things they would have otherwise.

You had a baby eight weeks ago, your friend will understand completely even if you just say you can’t face it! It’s totally understandable, nobody will bat an eyelid!

Girl at 2 months PP no excuse needed. Put your feet up and say sorry can't make it. No excuse required. You're in the trenches at the minute, either she'll understand or she won't. If she doesn't then whatever move on. Look after you and your own as a first priority. Glad to hear hubby is a good help. Sorry to hear the trauma you've been through. Spring is coming and baby will be getting stronger everyday. Hang in there and consider talking to a professional. Trauma around first months is incredibly debilitating.

If you don't want to go, you don't have to. But if I was your friend and you kept cancelling on me, especially for an important life event where presumably at this point it has cost me money ... I wouldn't be that happy. I'd question how much you really valued our friendship.

Could you take your toddler and leave your baby with DH? That would mean you'd have an excuse to leave early if you felt overwhelmed. Then you'd still be there for your friend.

Op doesn’t want to go it’s not that she can’t go

Can you go to the church by yourself leaving your DH with the baby and toddler take a gift show your face and wish them well? They will appreciate the effort and you can get back to your baby and your day.

Yes but all of the reasons she listed for not wanting to go (apart from nothing to wear) can be addressed by leaving the DC with their father.

Leave the kids at home with your DH and go just for the ceremony.

But if you genuinely don’t want to go then just say you’re unwell the day before.

I am assuming it’s too late to affect numbers etc and everything would have been booked by now so it’s not like you need to come up with an excuse ahead of time.

YANBU
I’m not one for copping out of things, but in this case I definitely wouldn’t go 💐

Is you going alone a possibility and DH stays at home with your DC ?

Go to watch the baby be actually christened, go on your own and don’t worry about what you wear, then go home.

Just leave the DC with DH.

Don’t go op - I struggled to go to things when mine were tiny and in retrospect I wish I hadn’t put myself under so much pressure.

As she's a good friend, I'd definitely go on my own and dh stay home. You can always leave after the service.