Family holiday when pregnant

[MamaPlantlove]

AIBU to not want to go on a family holiday with 2 kids when I’ll be 7 months pregnant??

DH is getting arsey that I’m not thrilled at his suggestion of doing an abroad holiday with our 2.5 year old son and his 10 year old daughter. I’ll be around 7 months pregnant at the time he’s suggesting it (needs to be in the school holidays).

As much as DH says he’ll plan it…..the prep and planning will fall on me. I KNOW that I’ll be the one dealing with a rowdy toddler at airports, transfers, flights etc because the responsibility naturally falls into me&toddler and DH&stepdaughter.

DH thinks a holiday would be entirely sunshine and rainbows. I’m visualising running after the toddler around a slippery pool while I’m the size of a beach ball, sweating like a pig and feeling gross in swimwear. Pregnancy with toddler was fine health wise but I felt NOTHING like myself and I know how I’ll feel time around but with added stress of another child.

I have suggested to him that we do a centerparks/haven or similar instead but he’s adamant he wants a “proper holiday with the kids” before new baby arrives.

HELP am I being unreasonable xx

YANBU. Is it possible to go at an earlier stage? Even then I wouldn't be keen but it could be a compromise. If not, then going it's a definite no to going on planes etc at 7 months pregnant.

That’s the only time we COULD realistically go before babies due. Working around stepdaughters school holidays and a holiday she’s already got booked with her mum.
Even going during 2nd trimester I’d be wary and it stresses me out to be planning something so far in advance with no idea how this pregnancy is going to pan out

Just say no. I wouldn’t have gone on a holiday like that at 7 months when I knew I’d have to parent the toddler while he deals with a ten year old. Not a chance.

I think you're right to be concerned. I may be reading too much into it but in your shoes it would bother me that DH wasn't listening to the issues and just assuming everything will be fine. I think you need to be clear with him that you're not going to be railroaded, it's not a good idea and it's not happening.

Certain airlines won’t take you after 26 pregnant on your return, not the date you go. Personally I wouldn’t have wanted to go at 7 months, I couldn’t walk too far, so the thought of getting to the airport and walking to the departure gate would be beyond my limit.

You don't have to come up with reasons. You don't want to, so don't.

Yeah, you're probably not going to be able to fly in your 7th month. That'll stop him moaning.

You could suggest a cheap(ish) week in a caravan and then once baby is here in October half term/Xmas/February have your 'main' holiday then?

I do think it's a bit unfair on the 10yo for her to miss a holiday. I think state your boundaries now.. but actually stick to them. Tell him he needs to do the booking legwork and don't step in. Tell him if you go you won't be managing airport tantrums etc, and be prepared to step back and wait for him to take a lead.

Oh it bothers me that I feel he’s minimising my concerns when literally carrying his child, absolutely. He’s very easy going compared to me, very much like “it’s a lovely relaxing family holiday🙂” while I’m seeing exactlyyy what it would really be like.

I would either:

• Suggest he goes with older 2. Don't book or plan anything to do with holiday.
• say no
• don't book or plan anything - will he do anything, so will holiday even happen?

He sounds lazy (going on you saying you'd have to do all planning and running around after toddler) and selfish (ignoring that you'll be heavily pregnant)

The 10yo dos have multiple holidays with her mum every year, essentially we’d be working around her existing holiday schedule, she ain’t missing out😅 we’ve only ever done caravan/staycation holidays as a family so I think that’s the best idea. And can still be a lovely holiday!

Haha funnily enough I did suggest he goes with the kids and I have a relaxing time at my parents… shockingly that idea didn’t take off 🧐

I wouldn't be willing to go abroad at that stage if pregnancy, can you imagine the nightmare if you ended up with an early labour and stuck with a premature baby in hospital in a foreign country?

That's ignoring all the other issues of it being miserable for you with all the running around.

I did Disney World in Florida at 6 months pregnant and still with all day sickness with two toddlers under 4. I'm with your hubby, your drama queen tendencies are showing.

It depends entirely on the airline and the flight time. I flew shorthaul weekly until I was 36 weeks for work, after which I had to go on maternity leave.

Truly I’m happy for you and applaud you, but I’m not a drama queen, there’s no need to be rude 🫶🏼

I did have a quick look and it does differ by airline and some need a doctors note or something

Good for you. I see you edited your post to add more details about how fantastic you are.

This may come as a shock to you but not all pregnancies are the same and people also view things differently. Surprising, I know.

So he’s trying to sell it to you as a lovely relaxing family holiday ……….. while on the flip side turning down the idea of him taking the kids on holiday by himself 😂

Why? Because he knows full well that the only one relaxing on holiday would be him, whilst you did all the hard work with the kids. He knows full well that it would be the opposite of relaxing if he took them in his own - therefore he knows full well that a family holiday for you would not be relaxing. Very selfish.

That says it all really. You'll be doing the difficult parenting. He'll be having a holiday

Did he say why? Surely he'd jump at the chance of making memories with his kids?
Or does he always require a support human to do the grunt work?

Exactly this!!! It’ll only be relaxing if I’m there to do the work, and only relaxing for him!! The man’s lost his mind

You’d think so but that idea was brushed away real quick!
He is generally very hands on and competent with the kids and this is so out of character it’s good to know I’m not going mad here

Some airlines wouldn't even allow you to board the plane at that point, and you'd definitely need a fit to fly note from your GP or midwife which you currently have no idea if the pregnancy will be smooth enough sailing for them to issue.

Not a chance would I go personally, I had a miscarriage on holiday once (at 14 weeks so way earlier in pregnancy) and it was made extra awful by being away from home and struggling to access healthcare.

Yanbu at all.

Why not? If it is going to all be so easy and relaxing with him doing everything, what’s his problem?

Nope. UK caravan or he goes without you.