Are female friendship groups worth the hassle?

[Bababear987]

Does anyone else feel so confused in adult friendship groups? I can make friends easily enough but I find so many people have unwritten rules of friendships or expectations that I just dont understand and often cant meet. I often have a different take on a conversation or peoples actions than everyone else does. I find other people often over analyse situations and i take them at their word. Other people want to bitch and 'have it out' whereas I want a nice simple supportive group and think we can talk through any issues that crop
up.

This seems to mostly be a problem in groups, with individuals I'm fine and have a lot of individual friendships lasting 5-20years.

I'm waffling a bit but i think what I'm asking is about female group friendships, is there always drama and falling out eventually? And why cant we talk things out and ACTUALLY move on? Why does someone always want to go in circles talking about issues we agreed to move on from? Why cant it be accepted that people have different ways of communicating and different life experiences?

I'm not talking serious issues, its things like; one friend not liking pictures in the group chat, someone not replying within the right time, someone reading msgs instantly but not replying for hours/days etc then it blows up repeatedly

To add we are all in our 30s with very young kids and work so busy.

So AIBU to think that females group friendships always come with drama/angst?

Indeed. If we’re negatively stereotyping, one would say that the reason it doesn’t happen in male groups, is because they don’t bother with small bits of nonsense, they go full on - so fights, ghosting, no effort etc

HNRTFT but I definitely think that the reason I have about 15-20 good friends that I have known from 5-55years and never fallen out with is because they don’t know each other ! They might be acquainted with each other but are not friends with each other.
My bestie I have known since 1990 and she doesn’t know any of my other friends.
Edit to say I avoid Whatapp groups at all costs!

NAWALT
(Not All Women Are Like This)

Yes this is probably it, I think I've learnt a lesson to avoid watsapp groups

still friends with my 3 school BFFs, 30+ years, no dramas, just love and support

Thing is the results are almost 50:50 so some people do agree and have obviously experienced difficult female friendship groups.
Sometimes stereotypes can be true and arise for a reason whether that is an individuals experience or not.

YANBU. I have 4 or 5 close friends and they've only met at my wedding.

Love this answer. I have a couple of different long term female friendship groups, and I'm sure there are things we all find annoying about each other sometimes, but we allow each other some grace and the benefit of the doubt - which I very much appreciate as one of the people who gets easily overwhelmed in terms of remembering to 'like' shared photos and sometimes doesn't reply for a while. As a result there are very few upsets, especially now we're in our 30s/40s.

Sometimes it's better to blow off steam with a little 'side chat' - no harm done!

Couldn’t agree more, and it’s hardly nasty bitching like “omg isn’t Emily’s new hair cut VILE” it’s just “oo I wonder why we weren’t invited out for that dinner!” It’s better to just side chat with another friend than turn it into a huge palava!!

I am on my third friendship group since my early 20s. This one has lasted 16 years so far and I think we will be friends for life! At last I have a group of friends who bring me only joy, laughter and support. We never argue and totally have each other’s backs. There are 7 of us. I am grateful everyday for them.
My first two groups I extricated myself from due to too much drama, main character syndrome, competitive behaviour and gossip.

The comments aren’t though, so thiose voting are not wanting to own it, which suggests they may not be kosher.

So this isn't just a casual observation about your group.

It's a concerted effort on your part to rubbish womens' relationships.

Like most people on this thread, this isn't my experience at all.

If there's this much drama then this probably isn't the group for you.

I was chatting with my God daughter a couple of months ago, about the pre (then post!) natal group she is in. She rolls her eyes at a lot of what is said in the WhatsApp, or even when they meet up, but is sensible enough to have grasped that it has been a real help for her to be in touch with others who have new babies at the same time as her for baby related stuff , but, just because they are a bunch of women who happened to have a baby at the same time, doesn't mean they are all going to bond as life long friends.

It is the same with colleagues, or team mates in a sports team. Very, very normal to 'get on with' everyone, and yet, most likely, when that time has passed, to remain friends with either none of them, or to just gel with one particular person with whom you do become friends.

Just use the WhatsApp for information (if you need to be in the group) or leave the group. You can't extrapolate that all female groups are like this, from this one group.

In a group of 6 of us there is one who does just this - will become passive aggressive if we don't all like her latest picture as soon as we're online, it's annoying as hell, and yes - she needs to grow the fuck up!

Well I'd say the comments are fairly even. But people voting and not commenting means absolutely nothing on a forum where they cant be identified anyways. you dont need to comment on every poll.

My female friendship groups are my rock.