Are female friendship groups worth the hassle?

[Bababear987]

Does anyone else feel so confused in adult friendship groups? I can make friends easily enough but I find so many people have unwritten rules of friendships or expectations that I just dont understand and often cant meet. I often have a different take on a conversation or peoples actions than everyone else does. I find other people often over analyse situations and i take them at their word. Other people want to bitch and 'have it out' whereas I want a nice simple supportive group and think we can talk through any issues that crop
up.

This seems to mostly be a problem in groups, with individuals I'm fine and have a lot of individual friendships lasting 5-20years.

I'm waffling a bit but i think what I'm asking is about female group friendships, is there always drama and falling out eventually? And why cant we talk things out and ACTUALLY move on? Why does someone always want to go in circles talking about issues we agreed to move on from? Why cant it be accepted that people have different ways of communicating and different life experiences?

I'm not talking serious issues, its things like; one friend not liking pictures in the group chat, someone not replying within the right time, someone reading msgs instantly but not replying for hours/days etc then it blows up repeatedly

To add we are all in our 30s with very young kids and work so busy.

So AIBU to think that females group friendships always come with drama/angst?

I’m still friends with them but find it annoying and misogynistic

lovely

So one person took you aside and, on the basis of that, you no longer had anything more to do with the group again? @ManyPigeons

and you describe a member of the group as a woman who had spent our late teen years talking shit about me and being nasty to me with her mates so forgive me for not giving a shit.

No part of your post is what i regard as anything remotely resembling my group of girlfriends

My female friend groups are not like this!

I have a few friendship groups and don’t have those issues with them. No drama or angst. I think your friends sound like very hard work. It shouldn’t be like that.

This has not been my experience with female friends (althoughI have friends of both sexes). Sounds like you need to find yourself some better ones, OP.

I have multiple female friendship groups dating in some cases back to the early 90s, and no 'drama' whatsoever. I don't recognise the behaviours you describe.

I'd be checking your internalised misogyny, OP, and finding better friends.

Men and women / boys and girls are socialised differently and women are socialised more to conform which can make it tricky if you don’t fit in so well ; they are also socialised to talk more - gossip more - and care about appearance more and all that can lead to bitchiness and judging being more common

Women are bitchy, especially when in big groups. 30’s are probably peak time for this

It's exactly the same with school playgrounds and school gate drama.
People who complain about bitchiness and drama ARE the drama.

Everyone else just gets on with things 😂

No, this is your own internalised misogyny showing. I have spent the last six months in a workplace in which I was the only woman. I enjoyed it, but the idea that men are less garrulous and less gossippy than women was really not borne out by my experience.

I wonder if the difference is how you formed?

I have a group of friends from secondary school, so we all met at the same point, some difference in who was most friends with who etc but generally it's fairly even. Same with a group from Uni. Some of us see more of others than others do, but it's all swings and roundabouts. we're also geographically split so don't SEE each other altogether often although we're all active on messenger. I think if we all loved in the same area and saw everyone weekly there would be much more chance of fall out. we've consistent chosen to make an effort to maintain a friendship over 30 years as well so gaps, silences etc., they mean nothing in the fullness of time. if someone can't come, well there will be a other time etc.

I wonder if the difference is how you formed?

I have a group of friends from secondary school, so we all met at the same point, some difference in who was most friends with who etc but generally it's fairly even. Same with a group from Uni. Some of us see more of others than others do, but it's all swings and roundabouts. we're also geographically split so don't SEE each other altogether often although we're all active on messenger. I think if we all loved in the same area and saw everyone weekly there would be much more chance of fall out. we've consistent chosen to make an effort to maintain a friendship over 30 years as well so gaps, silences etc., they mean nothing in the fullness of time. if someone can't come, well there will be a other time etc.

You are the common denominator.

Four and a half hours later and the OP never came back.
She obviously found us not worth the hassle.

These made up, provocative OPs often written by AI are ruining MN.

There is no drama here. I couldn’t tell you who likes what photos in a group chat and if someone doesn’t reply they’re probably busy or preoccupied.

I agree with pp, that it’s the same we the school gate drama, if there’s often a problem then maybe you’re the problem?

I'm just home, I dont sit on MN all day.

Essentially I have one group of friends I've known from high school and then different individual friends I've met through uni, work etc weve had disagreements but moved on. Some of these friends are abroad and some close by.

I met a really lovely new group of friends but over the last year I've found the relationship to be intense. We became friends in our 30s, meet up a lot and are a real mix of people with different backgrounds and life experiences. I dont care about liking photos, replying within time frames etc but this seems to be a major part of what's causing the issues. I've personally never heard of men being like this and have never experienced it in other friendships.

OP, you've either chosen the wrong friends or they were the right friends for the moment which has now passed and it's time to move on.

Don't blame women for this.

So I'm not the person that notices and keeps track of who's liking stuff, it's some of the other girls, I've never experienced this in any of my other friendships and have friends who I can go weeks or months without speaking to whereas I'm expected to reply in this group asap and like every photo etc but I've a young family and work and cant meet those expectations.

I suspect they were the right friends for the moment but it's now passed

If you've never experienced it in other friendships, why do you suddenly think its the norm for female friendships? Also, have you ever been part of a close supportive group of men to make the comparison?
My women friends are not like this. And if they started to be, I'd just explain that I'm not always a speedy responder. If they fell out with me over it, then that would be a weird trait of that group, and I'd think it was a bad fit for me.

I cannot begin to imagine a situation in which I or any of my friends would entertain a complaint about liking photos etc.

I think that would have been the first sign that this wasn't the friendship group for me if I knew one or more members were not only paying attention to such petty shit but actually thought it was something they could or should bring up to others!

If you continue friendships with people that generate this kind of drama, then you've only got yourself to blame.

Christ I dont think it's the norm obviously or I wouldnt be posting, but it does seem that larger groups of females come with more drama.

No I haven't experienced being in a group of men however I'm not a man so the dynamics are different, arent they? Ive also never heard of anything even remotely similar happening within male groups however I've found my female friends and friends of friends generally have more issues where people get upset and offended over things.

My daughter said 3 works well (a college group of 5). I prefer small groups or meet one to one. Less drama.

"Ive also never heard of anything even remotely similar happening within male groups"

Well that's just rubbish isn't it? Never seen blokes fighting in a pub/club/street/at the football?

For someone who openly states that it might be just your group having passed their sell by date you are VERY keen to keep banging away with the 'this doesn't happen in male groups' and 'women are drama' message.

Give it up already. Is this anti feminist/woman propaganda? There's plenty of that on here.

Barely anyone here agrees with you.

lol, no, not my experience whatsoever. And I’ve been in very many female friendship groups. Your op was as if that was the norm. No, of course it’s not. Don’t stereotype, just find normal friends.