For considering taking money from my friend?

[Shmee1988]

I was due back to work today, first day of the year after 2 weeks off. I had organised with my good friends daughter to watch my children (DS6 & DS13). It was only a half day, 9:30- 2:30. The girl that was supposed to watch them sits for me often, shes a lovely girl, 17 years old and very sensible. My boys adore her. I pay her for the time she is here. Anyway, my friend confirmed with me last night she would drop her daughter off at mine for 9am. I got up and ready for work this morning, went out to de-ic the car, made sure she had all the snacks she likes for the day, made the kids a lunch box each so all she had to do was sit and chill, play with my youngest. 9am came and went this morning and she didnt turn up. Rang her, no answer, called her mum (my friend) no answer. 9:30 my friend calls me said that they all over slept and would be with me in 10 mins, I called my boss and explained, no problem. 10 minutes later, another call from my friend who says her daughter is point blank refusing to get up and out of bed and isnt coming. Its nearly 10am. Obviously it was too late to try and find another sitter at short notice and I could not WFH as both kids home and I deal with clients mainly on the phone. The girls mum has offered to pay me for my days lost wages. I cant really afford to lose the money but I also dont feel that accepting money from my friend is the right thing to do as its not her fault. We are having a bit of a (friendly) stand off about it. Should I take the money?

YABU- Dont take the money, shes a good friend and it was not her fault.

YANBU- Take the money, you organised this with her and she should have showed up.

If you're down a day's wages and couldn't take annual leave, I'd take it. January is a hard month. I'd then hope the mum charged her daughter.....

I'd also then treat the mum later, drinks in the pub, lunch, something like that.

I don’t know about accepting the money from your friend but I’d message the girls herself and tell her you were disappointed to be let down without any notice for no valid reason and you’d be at the loss of a day’s wages. That you are surprised at such disregard for an agreed arrangement and won’t be able to rely on her again.

Given it was an emergency and only for four hours, could your 13 yo not have looked after the 6 yo old upstairs/not in the room you were working in as a once off, given you were let down with a sitter at the last second ?

I'd take the money. The mum's probably very embarrassed and feels bad if shes offered it, and it would likely make her feel better it if you took it.

Shes probably mortified over the oversleeping but more so her daughters behaviour in refusing to ry to make things right. Plus it will pay for wages you lost. Oversleeping is one thing, deliberately refusing to do a job you agreed to and happily letting people down needs consequences. Hopefully her parents will charge her as pp says. And definitely don't use her again.

I'll be honest, if it was my daughter then I'd be mortified, offering to pay (and feeling better as I could if you took it), charging my daughter and no longer recommending her to anyone.

I would not take the money. These things happen and it's not your friends fault. However, I would not have her dd to babysit again due to her letting me down.

I absolutely wouldn’t accept money from your friend!

How old is the girl and how much were you paying her?

I wouldn't take the money but I also wouldn't ask her to babysit again. Do a 13 yo and a 6 yo really need a babysitter for a few hours?

Absolutely not unless you were financially desperate.
It's not her responsibility to make right, and at 17 her daughter needs to learn she can't buy her way out of consequences.
Which in this case I am assuming are that you won't hire her ever again......

I wouldn’t accept the money from the girls mother and would also reassure her I don’t blame her at all, but would also be telling her I wouldn’t be using or recommending her daughter again.

I absolutely would not accept money from my friend under these circumstances.

I wouldn't be arranging any further childcare with the daughter either though.

I wouldn't take the money from my friend but I'd never have her DD to babysit for me again. I'd also tell the DD in person how disappointed in her you were as you thought she could be trusted and relied upon.

I would take the day’s pay less what you’d have paid her daughter to babysit had she arrived if you’ll struggle without it. Your friend is likely mortified to have let you down so spectacularly but she must know what her daughter is like? Responsible people don’t suddenly wake up and behave this way so her recommendation of her daughter for the job was a dud.

I would also totally tell your friend to dock it from her daughter’s pocket money/make her earn it back somehow/think of a suitable repercussion so she learns the lesson that you cannot simply renege on your responsibilities through sheer laziness when people are depending on you!

Could your friend not have done it?

Use proper childcare rather than unreliable uninsured friends children who can’t be bothered to have your children.

Unless you absolutely cannot manage without it, please don't take the money. Things like this have an awkward habit of coming up again later and it's never pretty. If she keeps insisting, let your friend treat you to lunch or something.

Take the money from her and she can get it off her daughter!

The thing is that the girl is usually very reliable. I let her watch the boys for me as they and trust her, as do I. I will of course let her know I am disappointed in her choice but im giving her space and time to apologise on her own. Some have said did my kids need a babysitter. The answer to that is yes, id not leave me 13 year old in charge of my 6 year old. Its too great a responsibility and if something awful happened that he didnt know how to handle, that would stay with him forever.

I wouldn’t accept the money because it’s not your friend who has let you down, it’s her daughter. If her daughter was offering you the money, I’d say to accept it.

The PP said a for a few hours while youre wfh though, that's different to leaving them home alone.

With regard to friend and her daughter, there's no way I could take the money although I'd appreciate the offer.

If it's completely out of character I'd be concerned for the girl and for the worry it would be causing mum, so I'd probably be suggesting a coffee and a chat (with my friend)..which I would let mum pay for.

My ds13 would be too interested in whatever hes doing to properly watch ds6. Also, the younger one especially would pester. I dont have the kind of job where I can stop to tend to their needs unfortunately

If she was ill you would have missed out too. Nothing is ever certain.
maybe she was ill, if you say it was out of character.

Don’t take the money from your friend, it’s not her fault. If you need childcare for work,you need to use someone who is professional and reliable.

I would take it. Your friend’s daughter needs to learn that she can’t let people down like that.