To think my friend needs to send her son to a SEN school?

[SimonSaidIt]

My very good friends son is non verbal (bar a select couple of phrases) and he is 7 years old. He has a diagnosis of autism and goes to mainstream school. He has had several 1:1 and the parents have little communication with the school, other than parents evening. From what my friend says, he spends his time with his 1:1, and she doesn’t get any updates on the work they do together. Her son doesn’t receive reading books or picture books from school or any type of homework.

Friend feels confident that he will make progress, and doesn’t think he would benefit from attending a SEN school. I’ve never worked in a school but have some personal experience of SEN and am worried in case he isn’t accessing the right education to help him make progress.

I think my friend is in denial about his needs and I’m concerned that it’s so hard to get places in these schools. If he’s not on a waitlist yet, I’d imagine it’ll be harder down the line?

I know it’s not my business. I just wondered if it’s likely that his school will encourage the parents to apply? I’m just so shocked that aren’t pushing for this, and suppose I’m worried the school could be failing the child.

Again, I know it’s not my business. I care very much for my friend and her gorgeous boy and just hope all turns out okay for them.

Whilst she should probably be much more in contact with school I nearly wet myself laughing at the "she should send her kid to a SEN school". Places at SEN schools are like hens teeth. She would need to fight tooth and nail on the EHCP pathway to even get a SEN school considered.

There is no way he has a 1:1 without an EHCP. Even children with an EHCP often don’t have 1:1 all day every day in practice. There will have been loads of involvement with the school to discuss his SEND needs and secondary school plans. I don’t think you know the full picture (nor should you.) If your friend wants to keep his medical information as private as she can it’s up to her.

I can imagine part of the case for a place at Sen school is proof mainstream not suitable

• preverbal.

I think you need to sit on your hands.

The logic behind SEN school places is absolutely broken. I know someone who has identical twin sons with identical diagnoses and she still got told one of them could be allocated a place at a special school and the other couldn't. Can you imagine the absurdity?

It could be that the 1:1 support this child is getting is working for him as well as a special school at the moment, in combination with all the other consideratons such as how much time and energy it might take for his parents to get him a place, how hard it might be for them to get him there and back during the day (it could be a very long and awkward journey, even if he's entitled to transport), etc.

There’s too much to even type out isn’t there? My son doesn’t want to go to specialist even though I believe it would be best for him. Then you question if they have the capacity to understand what is best for them depending on their level of comprehension. It isn’t even easy to swap mainstream schools! I can’t believe people would type out a post like this without doing a little digging first. There isn’t a mainstream schools within a 5 mile radius of me that has a Y4 place available, that’s before you talk about extra support and EHCP’s! Then there’s the postcode lottery on top of the fact that schools (I’m fully aware I’m part of the machine and therefore the problem) are so far stretched that they just ‘manage’ the child’s needs and therefore say they are meeting need when actually they aren’t, rather they are coping and covering up a problem that will likely come to a head in secondary school. So in order to overcome this you have to challenge the school over end over again which is not easy, you know that the school don’t have enough money and that they are trying and I have sympathy for teachers because we / they are dealing with children that probably don’t belong there whilst trying to teach. It’s an impossible situation. My sister told me to send mine to private school. I’m am currently working 1 - 2 days a week as a teacher, I’m hardly rolling in spare cash 😂 I let everything go over my head these days but sometimes I can’t help but feel like some people must live in a different world.

This. Mainstream has been perfect for my son until the class became larger and more boisterous and now he is struggling. However, he made good progress and was happy for 4 years, he was non verbal for 2 of those years just like the child OP is referring to and I believe being around other children with a broad vocabulary helped him (on top of SaLT) SEND provision is great but isn’t always best for every child at every point and I don’t know how anyone can think they know a child or what it needs better than its parents.

One of my dc attends a Sen school. As others have said it’s a huge fight getting them in.
I have noticed with other parents of Sen kids that they don’t want their children to have additional needs (nobody does obviously, but when presented with that reality parents can either embrace it and fight for everything they can for their child or they can bury their head in the sand) and I know a handful of parents who believe their dc being around other Sen kids will mean their children won’t ever be “normal”. It’s not my job to tell them a atypical child won’t ever have a typical life regardless so trying to fit a square peg into a round hole is pointless and actually really traumatic for the dc in some instances.
Having a Sen child is really hard work and it’s not something that I know anyone would choose but to actively ignore the child’s needs in hope one day they’ll not have the issues their currently facing is negligent but very common. It’s terribly sad and the reality is some parents simply don’t want to tell people their children are at a “special school”. I have family who refuse to acknowledge my DCs needs as anything more than behavioural and being spoilt. My DC has various diagnosis and agencies involved and not one paediatrician has said “oh mick, I think your severely autistic child with a plethora of LD is simply a spoilt little twat because they’re allowed to carry a Thomas the tank plushy around”.

People don’t get Sen on the whole unless they see it every day and some people don’t want to see it if that means they have to adjust their lives to accommodate it. Family member last year used derogatory slurs against disabled people around my DC and I said, “dc used to get called that in a whatsapp parent group I wasn’t apart of” and literally no apology or emotion. Nothing. I understand why people choose to ignore their dcs needs when this is the world we live in and live in hope that these needs suddenly leave of their own accord.

This isn’t your business. Just because you think your friend is in denial doesn’t mean she actually is.

There are many reasons some parents prefer MS over SS. There are also parents who would like SS but the LA has refused to amend the placement in the EHCP and the parents have decided not to appeal (for numerous reasons that aren’t really relevant to you) or have appealed but the appeal hasn’t concluded yet.

The law means DC with EHCPs have a right to a mainstream education unless a mainstream placement would be incompatible with the efficient education of others and are no reasonable steps could be taken to avoid that.

If your friend’s DC doesn’t have an EHCP, they can’t be refused a mainstream placement based on DS’s SEN. Although she should request an EHCNA anyway, but not because he has to move to SS.

If your friend wants more information, she can ask the school.

If regular meetings are required, they can be included in the EHCP.

Despite what LAs claim, for non-wholly independent special schools, waiting lists don’t exist in the same way they do for admissions via the normal admissions process for MS for DC without EHCPs. A,though many have to appeal.

EHCPs do not contain targets. Section E contains Outcomes. An important distinction some LAs claim not to understand.

DC without SEN but without EHCPs should still have a school level SEN Support plan (called different things in different areas/schools) which should contain targets.

Advocating for your child and enforcing your child’s rights doesn’t make parents demanding. Using language such as ‘sharp elbowed’ plays into the hands of those portraying parents as ‘unreasonable’ and ‘demanding’ ‘golden ticket EHCPs’ and other such nonsense around that rhetoric when all parents want is for the LA to comply with the law.

@2x4greenbrick Of course the switched on sharp elbowed get more. Nearly everyone knows this. Have you ever worked with parents who can barely read? How do they advocate for dc and get everything going? Or where parents are drug addicts or ones where families are chaotic? They can barely get dc to school. Often parents have not realised the issues dc have either because it’s been normalized in their family. In a well educated family the issues are totally obvious. You seem to have no idea that not all parents are equal in their ability to advocate. The noisy ones often do get more but it doesn’t make their dc more deserving.

SEMH schools are PRUs with a fancy name
Round here its where all the gangsters kids go

I didn’t say those who pursue support and then enforce it don’t get better support. They do. As I have posted on MN many times over the years. Sadly DC whose parents know the law and how to navigate the system get better support. It shouldn’t be like that. It fails many vulnerable DC. But that isn’t the fault of those parents who have pursued and enforced support. It doesn’t make them ‘sharp-elbowed’, 'demanding' or anything other such language used to stir up ill feeling towards parents of DC with SEN. They are not the problem. They don’t get provision their DC aren’t legally entitled to. Rather than focusing on the rhetoric that blames the parents of DC with SEN, all parents should be supported to enforce their DC’s rights and there should be serious repercussions for LAs when they act unlawfully.

Yes, I have worked with parents who can’t read at all and parents who have addictions. I have completed paperwork for them. I have attended meetings with them. I have ran appeals for them. I have sorted legal aid for them. And so much more. Hence saying all parents should be supported to pursue support.

You seem to have no idea that not all parents are equal in their ability to advocate.

And you have not got the first clue about me. You are wrong. You don’t even seem able to read my post properly.

@OhDear111 putting it a different way, given how hard it is to get ANY help, it must also be the case that children who get the help because their exhausted and determined parents have the capacity to push for it are not less deserving either.

In this system children’s support is only given to them because they do deserve it, and a tribunal, local authority or school determines they need it.

Sadly not all children who deserve help receive it, though many teachers, charities and SEND support services do their best.