To report ‘D’B to the police?

[AndWhatDoIDoNow]

DM has her issues, the biggest of which being a drink problem which she will not admit to and over the years we’ve seen a nasty side to her when she’s been drinking. We’ve given up trying to get her to admit she has a problem, and although she still drinks (a lot) things have calmed down in recent years as she now lives alone and doesn’t have anyone to argue with when drunk.

However recently ‘D’B has been staying with her, I’m not sure why as I do not speak to him. He has a nasty streak and is a drug addict, I also suspect he deals, although I do not have any proof of this.

Last night ‘D’B pushed DM and she fell against a washing machine breaking 3 ribs in the process, she is now in hospital. Me and my other siblings assumed that it had been a drunken argument between the two of them that had got out of hand. I don’t say this to excuse what he did in any way, but because it might have muddied the waters re pressing charges against him.

It turns out that ‘D’B actually filmed the lead up and the actual assault and sent it to one of my siblings in the bizarre belief that it explained and excused his actions. I have watched the recording and I feel sick.

‘D’B shows what look like prescription drugs and a crack pipe as evidence of what DM has driven him to. He then berates her, clearly trying to provoke a reaction, accuses her of bullying him and starts smashing cups on the floor. At this point DM pushes him, I’m not sure whether to get past him or to get him to stop. Again not excusing the violence but it was a light push but she is late 60s and not in the best of health and he is a big lad.

After he pushed her, DM is obviously in pain and is moaning and crying while he accuses her of lying, shouts at her, threatens more violence, lightly slaps her face and pushes her head. He then threatens to smash her phone unless she apologizes. Which she does.

From my other siblings I understand that he was arrested but let go without charge, however the police have not seen this video. He later turned up at the hospital demanding the house key and shouting abuse. I think that enough is enough and I want to give this video to the police. My other siblings are worried that DM will get into trouble for the push and the fact that drugs were in her house, even though ‘D’B clearly states they are his. I know DM won’t press charges or speak against him so will the police be able to do anything if I give them the video?

I’m going to speak to a solicitor friend tomorrow for advice but wondered if anyone here had any advice to offer on whether the police can do anything based on the video.

That is horrendous. Show the police the video and ask them to remove your brother from DM house.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Yes the police can prosecute without the victim's support if there's enough other evidence. This is mostly used in domestic abuse/violence cases, so they should be supportive. Please do show it to the police.

I would say your DM is vulnerable, probably on age grounds alone.
It sounds like elder abuse.

Awful. If you don't at least make the police aware of this, and she goes home and next time it is not just three broken ribs, you will probably regret not sharing this.

Yes report him. Of course. He’s seriously hurt her and he’s a danger to her.

You don’t actually detail it, but after DM pushed him, I presume he pushed back with a huge amount of force to break her ribs?
Absolutely 100% go to the police with the video, it sounds horrific and he must be delusional and off his head evil to do that, film it and share it about his own mum.
Id be terrified of what next when he clearly thinks he’s the victim,

Yes, I'd take it to the police. He sounds unhinged and is very dangerous clearly.

Yes, you must show this to the police ASAP - if she is in hospital with broken ribs this will be classed as a serious assault/actual bodily harm/probable GBH depending on what the video shows and the extent of your mum’s injuries.

He needs to be stopped, and your mum is vulnerable and she needs protection from him - you should also consult a solicitor ASAP about applying for emergency non-molestation and occupation orders to prevent him from being near her or living in her house. He shouldn’t be there when she is discharged - ask to speak to the hospital social work team, show them this video and ask for them not to discharge her back to the house until he can be removed. It’s not a safe situation for her to be in.

You absolutely must. Next time he could kill her

The police will likely get a domestic violence restraining order against him even if your mother doesn't cooperate. This happened in my family. It will seem highly unlikely that she's suddenly turned to crack or whatever, it's fine to say she can drink too much but knows nothing about illegal drugs.

Good luck with it 🌺

I voted YABU but because you are hesitating about sharing the tape. Your brother sounds unhinged.

100% tell the police

This.

You cannot let her go home to that domestic situation. What will he do next time? And if he is dealing, how many other lives is he wrecking?

What happens when he has a falling-out with his supplier.? She is elderly, vulnerable and living in the same house.

Definitely give the evidence to the police.

He belongs in jail.

It sounds like she is at serious risk going home to that situation, I think you have to report it or it could be significantly worse next time..

Ask to speak to the safeguarding officer at the hospital and see if they can talk to your mum.
They often have a way of explaining danger better than relatives can.
I'd also report to the police personally.

Get proper legal advice. Yes there could be repercussions for her for knowingly allowing this creature to have drugs in her house. Don't listen to mumsnet, ask a real lawyer.

Meantime, can she stay with you?

this is totally horrendous, i had an alcoholic uncle who lived with my gran who had a very sharp tongue towards her and tried to rule the roost and i couldn't begin to count the amount of times i lost my temper with him (fortunately someone always intervened or i think i would be in prison). your poor mother, how can anyone be so crueli definitely would show the police the video and if possible take mum to live with you in case of backlash if he gets bail but (i've got a feeling this won't go down well with other mumsnet members) i think i would get my own back on him before reporting him but maybe that's just because i'm a very protective person and the area i grew up in

Next time,no doubt with two volatile people sharing space,there will be another incident,he could kill her.Send it to the police and I expect them to make a safe guarding referral for your mum-it might be done already.He shouldn’t be allowed a key or to live with your mum.
A drug addict cannot be trusted and anything could happen,I expect your siblings want to report him too but won’t do it alone.It’s a difficult situation but all the time your brother is using drugs in your mums house,he is putting her at risk,even more so if she is an alcoholic.Hopefully solicitor will give you the support you need.Good Luck

ps i'm not encouraging you to or saying its right to get your own back please don't think i am, i just mean if i was in your shoes.

There wont be repercussions for her regarding the drugs, she will be viewed as a vulnerable adult possibly being cuckooed by her own son.
the video needs to be seen by the police and the hospital safeguarding team. He can be removed from her house plus stopped from seeing her on the ward.

Yes you absolutely 100% must share this. She is a vulnerable person and she won’t get into trouble. She needs protection from him before he does something even worse. He might kill her next time. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

Absolutely this!

He’s crossed the line, so now it’s easy for him to cross it again. He must be off his head to do that to his own mother - awful man.

Change the locks for your mum too.

Even in the event it wasn’t viewed as cuckooing, it’s still better reported so she doesn’t end up seriously harmed.

OP ‘pressing charges’ is not a thing. Police will arrest if they think it is warranted and there is evidence regardless of what dm says.