Is my reaction unreasonable re theft?

CotswoldsCamilla · 2026-01-03T23:36:04+00:00

Myself, DH and the DC went into the furniture section of a store today. They still had a Christmas table displayed. Festive plates, cutlery, glasses, garland etc. plus a few “favours” for want of a better word strewn on the table. Think a few small stars whittled from wood, glittery merry Christmas stickers in garish colours. None of these little items were for sale, they were just make the table look nice. One DC, 11, asked if they could take some of the little stars. I said no, it was theft, you can’t just take something even if it’s not for sale. I then walked away to look at other things. Saw a nice armchair which I thought they’d like for their room so called them over to show them the chair. At home this evening I went to wash their jeans and checked the pockes for tissues. Found several of the wooden stars. No previous form for theft. I was annnoyed and a bit shocked actually and pointed out that it was theft. Explained that stealing is stealing etc etc. I then made them bin them. Only that this shop is quite a way from our house, I’d have made them go back and explain what they’d done but in this case, I just binned the items, gave a warning about if anything like this happened again, there would be serious repercussions. They explained that they’d meant to put them back but then I called them over to look at the chair. This evening I’ve just said to my husband that I’m a bit concerned about this theft, that they know right from wrong and it’s totally unacceptable. Asked him if he was worried. He isn’t. Said it was probably accidental and anyway, it’s not like they’re for sale. And Christmas is over anyway, they’d be throwing them out anyway. I think he’s missing the point. I’ve dropped it and not going to get into an argument but just curious what others think (if anything!)

Icanneverthinkofaname · 03/01/2026 23:38

YABU because you binned them and I really detest such a wasteful attitude.

HoskinsChoice · 03/01/2026 23:42

Did they see you bin them? That's was a stupid thing to do. You've taught your child that taking things doesn't matter as you've just binned them.

HelenaWaiting · 03/01/2026 23:45

By binning them you are also guilty of theft. The correct action would have been to return them.

HeddaGarbled · 03/01/2026 23:48

Most children will do something similar at some point. I think your response was good but I wouldn’t dwell on it now.

Fantomfartflinger · 03/01/2026 23:49

Yes it is theft and I would have told them off. No I would not go back to the store to make them explain. I would hope they do not make a habit of it. Honestly children do pinch little things, not stuff for sale but things they think are free or been disgarded. I would tell them if they are caught there are consequences sometimes like reputation or legal. Also say it is hard to run a business and how would they like people taking their stuff.

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 03/01/2026 23:53

You could have (maybe still can if you retrieve them from the bin) posted them back to the store. I would do that with a note saying "Sorry". If you do, let your daughter know as a good example to her that things should always go back to the owner.

Dollyfloss · 03/01/2026 23:56

HelenaWaiting · 03/01/2026 23:45

By binning them you are also guilty of theft. The correct action would have been to return them.

Oh ffs.

You acted accordingly OP. Most kids will do something like this as a child - it doesn’t mean they’re going to grow up to be a kleptomaniac- but MN is deranged about stuff like this so it’s not the best place to ask.

You’ve told them off now forget about it.

PorkPieForStarters · 03/01/2026 23:57

Get them out of the bin, get your child to write a letter saying they took them and that they're sorry, then post them back.

Your husband's right that it's probably of little consequence to the store, but it's the principle and the lesson, isn't it?

Original poster

CotswoldsCamilla · 04/01/2026 00:01

I binned them mainly because I didn’t want DC to use them and for them to benefit from the theft. I could retrieve them easily enough from the bin but not sure what I’d do with them and I’m certainly not giving them to DC. I can’t go back to the shop or post either. What’s done is done but I was more concerned that my husband isn’t concerned at all and so am now wondering if I’m overreacting. I suppose it’s slightly in my mind because a good friend’s child has recently suspended from boarding school and one of the reasons (of a few) cited was theft from a local shop, so I’m probably catastrophising a bit.

OP posts:

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 04/01/2026 00:06

Omg what an over reaction

They were soke confetti stuff that will probably be binned today anyway

No different to take an extra straw or some extra sugar packets (although this is MN so that itself is just a gateway to stealing the Crown Jewels)

It does not mean they'll next think they can steal products from shops because they recognise the difference between "items for sale" and "items which will be waste anyway"

Pretty sure someone took a bauble from our decorations at work the other day 🤷‍♀️

Dollyfloss · 04/01/2026 00:08

CotswoldsCamilla · 04/01/2026 00:01

I binned them mainly because I didn’t want DC to use them and for them to benefit from the theft. I could retrieve them easily enough from the bin but not sure what I’d do with them and I’m certainly not giving them to DC. I can’t go back to the shop or post either. What’s done is done but I was more concerned that my husband isn’t concerned at all and so am now wondering if I’m overreacting. I suppose it’s slightly in my mind because a good friend’s child has recently suspended from boarding school and one of the reasons (of a few) cited was theft from a local shop, so I’m probably catastrophising a bit.

If you took them back to the shop they’d probably think you were a bit unhinged. Honestly, it’s fine.

ChiliFiend · 04/01/2026 00:35

CotswoldsCamilla · 04/01/2026 00:01

I binned them mainly because I didn’t want DC to use them and for them to benefit from the theft. I could retrieve them easily enough from the bin but not sure what I’d do with them and I’m certainly not giving them to DC. I can’t go back to the shop or post either. What’s done is done but I was more concerned that my husband isn’t concerned at all and so am now wondering if I’m overreacting. I suppose it’s slightly in my mind because a good friend’s child has recently suspended from boarding school and one of the reasons (of a few) cited was theft from a local shop, so I’m probably catastrophising a bit.

In this scenario, binning them is fine - you need to confiscate the item(s) one way or another, which is what you did.

DetectiveDouche · 04/01/2026 00:41

CotswoldsCamilla · 04/01/2026 00:01

I binned them mainly because I didn’t want DC to use them and for them to benefit from the theft. I could retrieve them easily enough from the bin but not sure what I’d do with them and I’m certainly not giving them to DC. I can’t go back to the shop or post either. What’s done is done but I was more concerned that my husband isn’t concerned at all and so am now wondering if I’m overreacting. I suppose it’s slightly in my mind because a good friend’s child has recently suspended from boarding school and one of the reasons (of a few) cited was theft from a local shop, so I’m probably catastrophising a bit.

Why can't you post them back to the shop?

TappyGilmore · 04/01/2026 00:45

YANBU because it’s an 11 year old who had plainly been told that they couldn’t take them … that’s not okay.

I don’t really understand exactly what the items were but sounds like they were only bits of trash if you thought it was okay to bin them instead of take them back. So I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have said to the child “you can’t just take them, but we can go and ask if you can have them, since they’ll probably be getting rid of them now anyway.”

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/01/2026 00:47

Of course you can go back to the shop, you just can’t be arsed. At the very least a letter and post them, though personally I think I’d call ahead and explain you are bringing child back to apologise. It does matter and shouldn’t be brushed aside.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 04/01/2026 00:58

I think you're being ridiculous, frankly. And why bin them?!

BerryTwister · 04/01/2026 01:05

I agree with you OP. At age 11 children should know that stealing is wrong.
I would get them out of the bin, make your child write a letter apologising, and post them back. Your child’s pocket money (if they get it) can cover postage. The shop will just throw them out of course, but your child will learn a lesson.

purplecorkheart · 04/01/2026 01:05

Please take them out of the bin. Wrapped them up and post them back to the shop with a note explaining what happened. Neither you or your child are coming across well in this.

captainoctopus · 04/01/2026 01:10

I think it was wrong to bin them as it makes the child confused about the value of them, even though not it was not monetary. Perhaps say you'd send them back with an apology ( even if sending them was just a white lie?) and emphasise to the child that you were ashamed on behalf of your whole family. My DH did something similar as a small child - encouraged by another they took some star stickers from the teacher's desk that were intended to be used for good work by the children. I made her return them to the teacher and apologise.

Rose213 · 04/01/2026 01:40

Binning them was hardly crime of the century that some people are making out. You've told your kids it was wrong... as long as it's a one off just move on with life now.

gillefc82 · 04/01/2026 02:05

I remember being about 7 or 8 and my Mum discovering I’d taken home one of those little blue plastic pens they used to have in Argos stores. I’d been playing with it in store that weekend and decided not to put it back as usual but to bring it home.

My Mum also gave me a big talking to, explaining it was theft, that the pen didn’t belong to me and no one at the store had given me permission to keep it and take it home, that I knew better than to take something that wasn’t mine, even an item seemingly as as small and insignificant as the pen.

As punishment, for the following two school nights (this had happened on a Sunday), I was sent straight to bed as soon as my homework was finished and my tea had been eaten.

Whilst it may seem a harsh reaction, I can honestly say I’ve never stolen anything since, even as a teen when a small minority of the wider group I hung around with went through a brief phase of enjoying “five finger discounts” on things like Rimmel/Collection 2000 make up from Superdrug or the Woolworth’s pick n mix selection.

I think you absolutely did the right thing pulling your kids up on this and being quite firm. The lessons they learn and the boundaries you set for them now as young kids, so they are clear as to the expectation upon them and the conduct they must abide by across a number of spheres; legal, moral, social and basic/reasonable consideration and manners, is all with an end goal of turning them into productive, kind, helpful and basically ‘good’ members of society. Good on you! @CotswoldsCamilla

NoisyGreenNewt · 04/01/2026 02:22

It's not abnormal developmentally for a child to steal something of low value, usually a one-off, even though they know perfectly well it is wrong. Children push boundaries (epescially at 11!) and it's parents' job to remind them where they are. It doesn't mean the child is destined to pull a bank heist, or that you've failed to instil fairly basic codes!

Marching them back for something that wasn't even for sale is probably a tad excessive, even if it does meet the perfect internet parenting guidelines. You pulled them up, I imagine they internally feel quite guilty, and you can suggest a star-based decoration at their wedding in years to come.

Nearly50omg · 04/01/2026 02:36

I’d have taken them back to the shop and made them hand over the stars and apologise!!! Doesn’t matter how far the shop is!

HelenaWaiting · 04/01/2026 02:39

Dollyfloss · 03/01/2026 23:56

Oh ffs.

You acted accordingly OP. Most kids will do something like this as a child - it doesn’t mean they’re going to grow up to be a kleptomaniac- but MN is deranged about stuff like this so it’s not the best place to ask.

You’ve told them off now forget about it.

Show quote history

There is no derangement. If parental response to theft is anything other than that the item(s) must be returned to the original owner, that is the wrong message. The moral objection to theft is that you have no right to assume greater entitlement to something than the original owner has. By throwing the items away, the OP assumed ownership, which she had no more right to do than her children. It isn't my fault that you cannot grasp this.

purplecorkheart · 04/01/2026 02:39

Why can you not post? Fairly sure a quick Google will get yo the shops address and also the location of your nearest post office.