Ex’s new girlfriend spending - would you be concerned?

[Isitthathardtobekind]

Ex has a new girlfriend - I think since August- maybe July. She met our young teens in November. Second meet she gave one £30 cash to take shopping - apparently she had paid for a couple of fair rides for my other when she first met her so wanted to give something to the other. I discussed with my ex and he said he didn’t know about the cash and agreed it wasn’t appropriate.

A week later it was my youngest’s bday. He brought round a gift from his girlfriend for her which was worth I think around £30. I thought it was fine but then she opened the card and £30 cash fell out. As she opened it, he said ‘oh (name) I told her not to’ and again said he didn’t know. I told him I was concerned about the amount of gifts given so early (this one being worth £60+) but more so that he said he didn’t know/had asked her not to. He isn’t always truthful though so it’s very likely he did know. I have no idea.

For Xmas they told me she bought them hair straighteners but then my youngest called me and showed me that she had bought them a karaoke machine to share (or her older son had who they’ve never met- I’m not sure exactly) and a box of makeup each, a pair of branded leggings each and GHD hair straighteners each.

I have nothing to compare to but it makes me uneasy that she has only met them a few times and seems to be showering them with expensive gifts. Am I overthinking it?

Reminds me of Amanda’s boyfriend in Amanda land, worth a watch! But no harm

Leave her to it - it’s her money.

She wants them to see she's not going to be a "wicked stepmother" type

Exactly what came to my mind too 🤣

Yanbu. She’s met your kids far too soon and now she’s trying to buy their love. OTT behaviour

I'd just think 'lucky kids'?!

as long as she's nice to them it's her money to spend.

It sounds a lot and I would want to make sure your DC are not dropping hints about what they want. However, she's presumably an adult and maybe used to spending generously on neices/nephews/friends' DC. Say thank you.

I think she's probably trying to be nice and treat them to things.

As for birthday and Christmas presents, surely it's normal to get these for a partners kids?

If she has a well paid job this isn't a huge amount of money. If not then she'll have to reign it in at some point.

if she'd got them nothing for Christmas she'd be criticised for being tight.

Haha my Exs new gf is currently doing this. Youngest got an ipad for xmas. Crack on love..... my kids will play the game too. Saves me money.

No harm in it.

My son met my ex’s new partner just before Christmas and gave him a £100 voucher and made him his Christmas Eve bag.

Just pop your hand out next time she’s handing out the cash! (like Joanna Lumley in Amandaland).

I can completely understand why it’s making you feel a bit uneasy - the key here is communication. I think it’s fine “a gift” but the Christmas presents were a bit ott.
You need to talk to ex or can you have a conversation with her?
I think she just needs to rein it in a bit!

I get the discomfort. To me, gifts are meant to reflect the relationship you have with someone. You wouldn’t buy your kids’s teacher the sort of gift you’d give your partner for Christmas and vice versa.

My ex’s girlfriend gives my kids ludicrously expensive gifts despite only seeing them one day every second weekend for less than a year and to me it smacks of trying to buy their affection or compete with me.

In fact, in general life, when someone gives a person they don’t have a close relationship with expensive gifts, we call it one of two things: public relations, or grooming.

Well she is an adult and can spend her money the way she wants and i know this os used for everything on here but other than you being jealous what is the actual issue?

Not to be rude or make waves, but are you not buying these things for your teens? Maybe she thinks you cant afford them and wants the kids to have the things that young girls their age like to have. Have your teens expressed that they would like to have these things and dont have them already? I think it nice she is trying to bond with them. Girls like to do hair and make-up and experiment in those departments and maybe thats how she is finding the easiest way to bond with them. When my kids were young my exs girlfriend would come and bring food, not that I didnt have any or enough but to help support them, she would bring them new clothes, help me buy their specialty hair care treatment I had them on and all sorts of things, she just generally showed an interest and loved the girls and I liked that she made an effort where their father didnt give 2 shits and never paid child support..

Does she earn well? If so perhaps she is just generous?

I think that for some people what one sees as excessive spending another sees as normal. I have one friend who who spends 5-6k on her grandchildren at Christmas and another whose grandchildren get new pyjamas and a book.

My extravagant friend used to put £20 in a child’s birthday card for a classmate when I had a limit of a fiver.

Perhaps she’s a high earner and the sums involved are minor to her.

Perhaps she’s anxious about them liking her and consciously or subconsciously wants to buy their affection.

Either way, there’s nothing you can do about it without looking like you’re meddling in your ex’a relationship so I’d leave it alone.

When i first got with my dh, it was end of summer. I gave his kids 15 in a card for xmas and id bought them some ice creams when we all went out one day. Their mother accused me of trying to buy their love to. But no, I was just being pleasant and in my head I was going to be around for a long time so wanted to treat them how I would moving forward and hope to have a blended family.
Who cares if this woman is ott or showering gifts. She's being NICE and your children are benefiting. I doubt shes showing off, she could spend her money on just her boyfriend. She won't be competing with you either. Some people, believe it or not, are just nice and showing they will treat the kids well and not be the wicked stepmother

For goodness sake, female step parents cannot win.

Awaiting the comments telling me ‘she’s not even their step parent’ 🙄

My DD’s step mum spends a fortune on DD. She buys her loads of high end make-up, multiple bottles of expensive perfume, and designer clothes. It’s not stuff I’d ever buy (my expensive gifts are far more practical) but DD loves it and I know it comes from a good place. She’s a great step mum and DD is lucky to have her in her life.