Cancelling plan due to illness

[User28884995]

We were due to have a family meal today with some family members as a Christmas get together, I woke up with no voice and feeling a bit coldy but able to go out and function. I was worried about turning up to a meal with no voice and them having young children.

If you have a cold/lost voice kind of thing would you just have gone along or would you message to cancel or ask if they were ok with this and go if feeling ok to?

My husband messaged to cancel then I messaged to say I can go as long as they are ok with that but the plan had already been rearranged at that point.

Ultimately I was worried about not wanting to turn up with a cold and no voice and then if this passed onto to them being the cause of that. If someone turned up and was sat near my little one with no voice and a cold I would feel uncomfortable about that.

I think you made the right call. Both from a ‘not spreading virus’ angle as well as helping yourself to get better quickly.

imhope you’re soon feeling more like yourself.

It's personal choice. I probably wouldn't have cancelled for a sniffle and a bit of a sore throat but then I work in a school, if I cancelled plans every time I had a mild cold I'd basically have no social contact from September to Feb.

It's already done. No point thinking about it now, is there?

I think you are overthinking it, you didn’t feel well and have rearranged, it’s not a big deal. No need to think about whether it would have been worth the sacrifice to not let them down, nobody is that bothered about missing a family meal due to illness. I hope you feel better soon OP

Did you know your husband was going to cancel or was it his decision?
I think it was odd that he messaged to cancel then you messaged to say you could go if they were ok about it.
Either option is ok but only you knew how you felt and it was your decision to make

I would have cancelled in your shoes, and to be honest I was a bit pissed off that my own dear friend came to stay just before Christmas and brought her lurgy with her. She had a non refundable train ticket 🙄

I would have reimbursed her had she had the manners to ask before hand.

Sorry, misplaced anger there.

Hope you feel,better soon Op.

Did you catch the lurgy?

Lots of people are going back to work on Monday so I think that trying to prevent the spread of something potentially infectious that can make you lose your voice (and lots of people need their voices to do their jobs) was a good call. Not really sure about the disconnect between your view and your husband's though - did you talk about it before he texted? Must have been confusing for the family.

I think I’d had gone along for the meal but just made everyone aware so not hugged / kissed them or shared any dishes etc.

I would have gone. But then I don’t tend to cancel plans/work unless I’m really ill. Certainly not for a cold. We’d never leave the house otherwise

I hope you feel better soon @User28884995.
I think it's right that it was cancelled to avoid infecting everyone else there.

It would really depend on other factors. First, I would never just cancel if I felt OK, but I would explain the situation and make it clear I was happy to cancel if others didn’t want to risk exposure to a virus. Also, it would depend on the situation. If it was family who I lived near and saw regularly, I’d be more likely to suggest cancelling. But if it was family over from Australia who were due to leave in a couple of days, then that would be different.

I hate people asking me to decide if I'm OK with them coming when sick. It tends to be a bit awkward. Make a decision yourself - you're either sick enough to cancel or ok to go.

If you decide to go, then fair enough telling people you have a mild cold and then they can decide for themselves whether to cancel/avoid physical proximity/etc but don't make them feel like they have to be the bad guy telling you not to go.

So I voted YABU for potentially putting them in an awkward position.

I agree, I don't like it either. The sick person should make the decision whether to cancel or attend, not place that awkwardness on others.

I think it's good manners to let others know in advance if you're sick but you decide you can still attend, I hate turning up somewhere and only then finding out someone in the group is sick. I tend to get very unwell and take a long time to recover from illness so I want to avoid getting sick in the first place.

Probably best to cancel and not run the risk of infecting someone else with a virus. You did the right thing OP.

We can't cancel everything due to colds or sore throats. If you need bed rest then cancel. If you can get up and about then don't cancel. Chances are your DH didn't fancy it and your friends will be unimpressed.

I would have messaged and let them know I had a cold and let them decide. I carry on as normal but always give people a heads up and offer to reschedule if they prefer. Most people don't though.

Although I never see my parents with a cold as they are both immunosuppressed.

Yes . Me, DH & sister. Nae happy

Course we could it just doesn’t feel so busy and important

I would have checked and ultimately I would have said no thank you 😂 no one wants an illness with school starting etc Monday xx

it really depends
if you felt unwell then of course cancel
i did

I loathe people who attend social events when sick. "Oh it's just a sniffle" - best case scenario I'm sick for a week, worst case my immunocompromised family member winds up needing an organ transplant.

You made the right call op and every bastard who "bravely" attends deserves a slap in the chops (which causes less injury than knowingly infecting your so called friends).

almost everyone has a cold at my work, and i am sure it is the same in every work place
they are hard to avoid

Yes you can and you should. Nobody wants to see your gurning virusy mug more than they want to be unsick.

Well the beauty of WFH is that they're not hard to avoid for some people.