...To Think There Is Male Shopping Brain...?

[AlteFrau]

Spouse said he'd do the shoppipng we needed yesterday, to stock up after the holiday break.

He went to the local High Street a few minutes away, and spent an hour shopping. On his return he said he'd been to two supermarkets, the two Asian run grocery shops and the chemists.

What he came back with
400 g cumin seed
1 jar mango pickle
4 bottles beer
2 toothbrush heads in contrasting colours - because the old ones were the same colour
Fancy little tomatoes
Sliced white sourdough

What he didn't get
Butter
Bananas
Frozen Peas
Bacon
Cheese
Milk

Thoughts?

No, just ‘your spouse’s shopping brain’. My DH sorts the household shopping every week.

Sounds like mine, can only buy what he’s cooking for tea plus his bottle of wine. Never thinks of the basics like milk and bread

Just yours. My DH does all the shopping

No. That's called strategic incompetence. Don't fall for it, he needs to go back and do the job properly.

I thought this referred to clothes or Christmas shopping. My DS2 and DH have an issue where shopping is 'boring' and they want to go home almost immediately BUT if the trip is to buy them, say, a coat or trousers, they miraculously don't get bored at all - and in fact spend way way longer than I ever would.

Yeah.

mine retired before me and took over all the grocery shopping - part of it was covid when we were couldn’t get supermarket deliveries and didn’t want to go in person, he was great at finding local suppliers for basics, online for fancier stuff.
He’ll ask me if there’s anything I specifically want, eg he might not notice if we’ve run out of the chutney I prefer but we only make a list if we’ve got someone visiting or if we’re trying a new recipe. Same as I would.

Did he have the list before he went? If so I think you should send him back out again

Did he take a list and forget to refer to it? I'd have blown my stack if DH went to the shops and didn't get the basics. Fortunately he manages to shop competently even without a list (I need it more tbh because I can't keep that many items in mind and something always drops off the mental list). What's his defence?

I am assuming when he realised he hadn't got the items required he went back out to the shops and bought them.

And no it isn't a male shopping brain it feels like weaponised incompetence so you don't ask him to shop again.

I think everyone has a different brain. My father plans all the meals in advance and then works out a weekly shop. He takes a list and heads off on Saturday at exactly the same time every week. He visits the supermarket and one other shop.

I am incapable of shopping like him and I'm far more erratic.

No. Just yours. Mine does all the shopping because he does all the cooking.
Maybe next time give him a list.

Nope. That’s a brain of someone entitled or coddled who has never had to routinely think of other people or a household.

That is a type of "thinking" but it's not specific to being male.

Sorry-this infantilising of men is just so infuriating. I’m to angry to comment in a reasonable manner.

DH went yesterday with a list as I needed specific ingredients along with general top up.
He remembered about bananas himself. One ingredient was not available so he called me to ask what to buy as a replacement.
So no, it’s a slip in your household.

By the way I’m with your DH about toothbrushes in contrasting colours. Mine is blue and DH’s is green.

I bet he doesn't do this at work? Unless he has a recognised disorder he is doing this because it will annoy you or he doesn't see the issue with you having to go out to actually complete what is a very simple task. Why are you making it a gender based issue? Does he struggle to perform self care routines also? I suspect not.

Nope. As others have said DH does all our food shopping and meal planning. Sometimes online, sometimes in person. It's not a male brain, it's an individual thing.

He is also far far better at choosing and buying presents than I am.

Odd how men are 90% of world leaders, CEOs, generals and rich people. And they can’t remember bananas.

Or, here’s a thought, the crap ones don’t give a shit about jobs they think are female.

My DH can shop.

No, just him I’m afraid. Incompetence isn’t related to your genitals. If a woman did this, would you say it was down to her having a female brain?

I swear it’s only on MN where men are incapable of shopping, buying presents, raising children, cooking, cleaning, and generally being adults!

The men I meet in real life are nothing like the stereotypical MN husband who is capable of working in a full time job with all sorts of serious responsibilities, earning “six figures”, managing big teams of people, yet can’t manage his own household or go in a shop for a bottle of milk. Able to make complex decisions and project manage in a fast paced environment but can’t arrange parents evening or buy his mother a Christmas present.

I imagine this thread was meant to be funny and lighthearted but there’s too many of these “aren’t our husbands silly little boys” posts all over MN.

This. I’ve 2 ExH and a current DP and all manage to do food shops. Send him back out!

No, he just sounds incompetent.

I think there are two main types of brain.

One is very good at seeing the overall picture and making it fit together. The other type is not so good at that, but can really focus on one or two aspects and get to grips with those.

I think that generally woman have the first type and men have the second type. Women, generally ARE far more organised than men and the reason why so many men are successful is that they have bloody brilliant women in their companies and at home doing the important thinking and organising to allow them to concentrate on whatever it is they do.

I am far more organised than my DH, but in fairness he has other attributes to bring to the table that make up for my weaknesses. But that said, he does go shopping and he does get what we need, and has learnt from previous experience to stick to the sodding list, do not go off-piste and come back with stuff that is not needed and won't fit in the freezer.

It took a bit of work, but he learnt.

So can yours OP, you have to tell him why it's wrong. Give him a pen and paper, tell him write down what you actually need and send him back out with the list.

It might not be strategic incompetence, it might be control or selfishness.

My XH would sometimes tell me he'd do the shopping this week. Great, saved me a job. And he'd come back with things he thought the kids ought to eat (we had five under nine). So lots of fresh salads, good healthy eating stuff.
But nothing to make meals with. Nothing that the kids would eat in sufficient quantity that it wouldn't go off. Salad veg with nothing to have with it is a bit pointless, let alone that two kids wouldn't even look at it. So I'd have to go out anyway and would come back with the fishfingers and tins of beans that they would eat and he'd huff and puff and say that obviously his help wasn't welcome and I'd rather buy rubbish. I wouldn't, but the kids had to eat.

It was control. He genuinely thought that if he starved the kids and bought nothing that they liked to eat, they would give in and eat salad for every meal.

Are we married to the same man? 😂