My DS cheated on his girlfriend in my home

[ErsBears]

Hi, so DH and I were away staying with friends over new year, DS’s girlfriend had gone back to her home country to see her family and DS couldn’t as he had to work so I asked if he would be okay staying at ours to watch the dog, he said sure.
DH and I came home early as one of our friends has fallen ill and wanted some space, we went for dinner first then got a train and cab home at about 11:30pm. I didn’t pre warn DS as I didn’t really see the need to. When we got home he was in his room so I didn’t bother him but then DH realised we had no milk, nothing for breakfast and DH had a headache so needed some paracetamol. We have a 24 hour shop within driving distance and both DH and I had been drinking so I went to ask DS if he would mind popping out. I could see his light was on and hear the tv so knew he was awake. When I knocked on the door the first thing I heard was a girls voice saying “is that your mum”. He came the door in his boxers and asked why we were back early, I explained he told me he’d been drinking so couldn’t. Fine. I asked if his girlfriend was back early (I knew it wasn’t her as his girlfriend has a very identifying accent and it was clearly an English accent I heard).

Anyway he admitted he had someone else over, I told him that she had to leave, he booked her a cab and she left. I made it clear to him that either he tells his girlfriend tomorrow or as soon as she is back or I will tell her, I do not condone cheating. He tried to tell me he didn’t sleep with her but when I pointed out he was only in boxers he admitted he was lying. He said he would tell her but they have a holiday booked for next week (she gets back on Sunday, they fly out on Monday).

For context he’s 28, his girlfriend is 25 and they’ve been together for 2 years, they don’t live together but she owns a flat and he was meant to be moving in this year.

AIBU to be bloody raging and so disappointed that this is the man I raised? I am disgusted that he cheated and I think he needs to tell her before the holiday. We are meant to be picking them up on Monday morning to take them to the airport as it’s an early flight. I don’t think I can sit with her in the car and send her off on holiday with him knowing what he has done!

I despair of some people, really I do. God only knows about their own integrity.

Snout out? Seriously?

I wish you'd change your username to something more appropriate.

That’s so sad 😞

That's irrelevant. It's all about the girlfriend having knowledge and an informed choice.
You know, the knowledge that your boyfriend that you're supposed to be going on holiday with and then moving in with soon, is a lying cheating opportunistic scum bag who could also easily pass on a STD to you.

Of her own house?

I agree OP. I think it’s a good idea to keep your distance from her because of what he has done. Happy people don’t cheat. This is a series of conscious decision, at any point he could have stopped. At the flirting, the touching, the kissing, the choice to bring her to yours, going upstairs etc etc. at each step he made that choice.

Calm down OP this is non of your business

@Toddlerteaplease you sound like a toddler with that response. You would be happy with a random shagger you don't know from Adam being in your house? Righty ho then.

I cannot believe the idiotic responses from people who think that a woman finding a random stranger in her house shagging a man, neither of whom live there, is not her business. Christ knows what your lives are like and I'm glad none of you are in my orbit.

She sounds like the sort of MIL I'd love!! One with strong principles, who loves her children and is proud of their good points but isn't blind to their faults, and who also cares about their partners as people.

You really need to stop making up entirely baseless scenarios to justify turning a blind eye. It's making you sound like you're either a cheating man, or a mother who's actively covering up her son's sleazy, misogynistic cheating and trying to assuage her conscience.

Or maybe he is happy, but just took the opportunity to have it off with someone else.

I love my son’s partner and if he cheated on her, particularly with a stranger he sought out, I’d tell her if he didn’t.

Look at 28 he shouldn’t be shagging in your house like a teenager. He should be getting out there and being responsible for himself. He is acting like a child

I will say, this thread has really highlighted how so many women will defend, enable, and lie for their sons when they behave badly.

I wonder if their attitudes would be the same if it was something illegal, and not just something morally reprehensible and deeply hurtful? Would they still think 'not my business - better keep my snout out'?

I think this is all you can do now OP. You’ve let him know how you feel and told you you won’t be dragged into this- by your house being used for hook ups. It’s up to him now what happens with his GF. I would still avoid that drive to the airport.

He's not living in OP's house. He was dog sitting while they were on holiday.

Shocked by the amount of people saying you shouldn’t get involved at all- he shouldn’t have behaved so badly under your roof! He’s made it your business imo. Yes, It’s his place to tell her, but I do think you’re well within your rights to say you are not comfortable being around her until he does so. Otherwise you are essentially lying for him. The fact he’s on a dating app looking for other women is also abhorrent. Also the STI risk is seriously not ok and I think that’s one of the worst elements of cheating putting your partner at risk like that. Hopefully some big lessons learned here.

I’d like to know just how low the bar is for all these mothers whose loyalty is to their sons.

He did it in OP's house so that makes it her business.

Probably, yes. While I’m not one to blame women for men’s atrocious behaviour, I can definitely see how easily they enable it.

Good for you OP. I think you are exactly the kind of MIL many women on here would be overjoyed to have. You are completely right that cheating is never acceptable. All the pp making excuses would be the first (rightly so) if their partner or DH does this in the future and be fuming if their MIL knew.

Make sure he knows you will always love him but won’t always blindly agree with his choices.

A massive post about something that isn’t happening. 🤦‍♀️

Exactly!

We’d all hate to have a MIL that looks out for us and holds her son accountable for his bad behaviour. 🙄

All the enabling MILs have flocked to the thread

I don’t think you’ve read her posts properly. The son was dog sitting for OP in her house.. she came home to find he’d brought a random girl back to shag in HER house, cheating on the GF AND disrespecting OP at the same time by using her house as a shag pad. Of course she asked the random girl to leave!

That's the worry about some people. I think they are nuts.