Tv in the room of a 5YO

[13MAPARTHELL]

For context, this is me at my final straw.

My child has ASD (PDA) & we have tried, consistently MANY things to help with night times, but every night for around 2 years now it takes around 3 - 4 hours to get him to sleep. Me and dad are pretty depressed, our relationship wont survive our situation, there is simply not enough time in the day where as everything you need to do is done in the evening, we do not have that option.

He is just very unregulated & if he senses annoyance of any kind, or no annoyance he will continue to push as much as he can, if we simply tell him no and ignore him…. Well, it just gets worse and nothing ever sticks he does not understand cause and effect.

im considering a small dvd only tv in his room, just to play something like kipper? Or other relaxed shows with reduced brightness etc, as that will MAYBE distract him and calm him - on a timer?

Everything you have described is exactly what we deal with at least 3 hours a night, and of course all day everyday. How do you do it? We really feel like we have very upsetting lives? Im really struggling some days to see the good and im sort of counting down the days till it gets better, knowing it may get worse 😂

My dd only needed 9 hours sleep at most by 5, and a natural owl, but of a nightmare to get to sleep, I found audiobooks helped

Biovea uk sells melatonin liquid

I'm sorry to hear about your son. It sounds very tough. I just want to gently point out that whilst when you say parenting neurodivergent children is “a different ballgame" to justify your view, it can unintentionally suggest that any disagreement comes from ignorance rather than a different perspective. Adding “I have x amount of kids/experience” would feel pressurising rather than supportive when giving the harder option, especially when someone is already struggling. But both views are valid.

I'd recommend a yoto, he's too old for a tonies. We've got both. Yotos got a lot broader content and some really good extra features.

Have you tried getting out a lot? 3 hrs outside a day is the goal for young kids apparently. But we goind a massive difference when we did a 30min scoot/ bike/ walk close to bed time after dinner. Made a big difference. Also spinning chair/ physical but not rough play- swinging in a sheet, trampoline. Vestibular system stuff, really helps calm and regulates mine.

I can feel that from your posts, it's gotten so much better since our neurologist prescribed melatonin.

My wee boy is such a gentle and loving soul until he is stressed and then when stressed struggles massively with his emotionalresponses. Tiredness, hunger, uncomfortable clothes, too much downtime, not enough exercise all trigger him and we have found coping mechanisms through trial and error.

Our days are busy and structured, housework is constant fire fighting.
.our main thing has been appropriate exercise and sensory input. So trampoline Park membership, parks, softplay, hours every day or structured exercise with us there. Look up low demand parenting. Accepting that some days he can get up, dress himself and make his own breakfast and other days he really does need us to put his socks on and console him as he gets trousers put on has been a game changer.

Honestly putting effort in finding what helps him regulate and make effort to offer him connection and understanding so he could recover from what was probably autistic burnout was the big turn around. Accepting he was struggling not trying to hurt us. I read a lot, watched a lot of parenting videos, researched pda and wasn't afraid to do things like offer screens for regulation.

He's almost 8 and so much better, we still have challenges m, he's just gone to sleep at 11.40 because tonight is a no melatonin night but went to bed happily with husband bathing him and staying with him until he fell asleep. He basically talks solidly for an hour about current obsession, pokemon at the moment and we just chat along best we can.

Youngest struggles getting to sleep as her routine has to fit around his but doesn't struggle like he did thankfully. I've never known a child struggle to sleep o badly.

I can't say I think it's ideal BUT the longer I have been a parent, the more I realise it is about more than just having set and pre-formed views on things.

If you and Dad are struggling and you think it will help, it is far better for him to have a tv in his room than to have parents who are exhausted, short-tempered and generally worn out and ground down. Sometimes parenting is about closing the door on what the rest of the world deems ideal and seeing what works for you - and having the confidence to parent YOUR child yourself.

But I would be very careful to assess how well it really works. The fact of having it or not having it on principle, though, I wouldn't worry about.

Not at all, my point is I tried absolutely everything with my son before I went down the screens route and I had a heck of a lot of guilt about doing it because of those 'screens will make it worse' advisers when it blatantly improved things where nothing else did in our situation. And I tried EVERYTHING! I can't describe how much we started out entirely screen free, then later entirely process food free, never had a sweet or chocolate until over 2 etc. eventually you start thinking outside the box and my son improved massively in his ability to learn and engage with introduction of a screen. Despite me being the judge at anti screen parent beforehand.

I'm sorry you had to go to those length to get medical help for your child, but I totally get it. I had decided to go private, started saving for it, then STBExH fucked up our lives and we're currently mid divorce. Once things have settled a bit I'll restart my diagnosis fund. It's actually helpful to hear that you've gone down that path, so thank you for that.

I hope the melatonin helps, and in the short term, there's kids audio books on Spotify, not sure how easy it is to control for the child though, and you'd need to investigate the online safety aspect. Best of luck, Xxx

Despite me being the judge at anti screen parent beforehand.

This is kind of what I was meaning op.

I think if parenthood teaches us anything, it's to not be too certain or quick to judge.

I think you need to do what works for you and your family.

Mainstream typical 5 y o then no. Any additional needs then I actually think use what will help but keep boundaries firm and think of everything before purchasing! For example, would the tv keep him awake then when it goes off would he then go mad etc.

Maybe post in a neurodivergent area and see what the input is.

People will be for/ against this but you need to remember we aren’t dealing with him you are!

I think there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding. The point wasn’t about screens being harmful in the normal way (I'm certainly not anti or screen free!) but that for some families in similar situations the current status quo, as difficult as it can be, is felt to be the better/only option. Ultimately, it's differing choices people make, and certainly not a cause for judgement if the OP chose one that some of us wouldn't that some others would.