Tv in the room of a 5YO

[13MAPARTHELL]

For context, this is me at my final straw.

My child has ASD (PDA) & we have tried, consistently MANY things to help with night times, but every night for around 2 years now it takes around 3 - 4 hours to get him to sleep. Me and dad are pretty depressed, our relationship wont survive our situation, there is simply not enough time in the day where as everything you need to do is done in the evening, we do not have that option.

He is just very unregulated & if he senses annoyance of any kind, or no annoyance he will continue to push as much as he can, if we simply tell him no and ignore him…. Well, it just gets worse and nothing ever sticks he does not understand cause and effect.

im considering a small dvd only tv in his room, just to play something like kipper? Or other relaxed shows with reduced brightness etc, as that will MAYBE distract him and calm him - on a timer?

Get melatonin from Biovea.

It’s really hard because I really do NOT want to go down this route, but for us right now its extremely difficult- i had a mental breakdown due to it.

for extra context, i have a toddler with severe eczema on immuno suppressants at only age 3, who wakes every 20 minutes or so.

the TV helps my child to ‘snap’ out of it and can really help to regulate him, i use it as a tool for this generally as he is pretty aggressive and can be violent, and he will wind anyone up until they are on their literal knees sobbing, he will then laugh and continue, so you can imagine how it kills us. I had a mental breakdown last week, where I couldn’t stop repeating the same word for 30 minutes and had double vision it was terrifying

its relentless, sometimes i think wtf did i do in my past life 😭

It’s extremely difficult. I done a parenting course on sensory processing disorder, it made me more aware of why he was reacting to me and how to defuse the situation, so much of it is fear based with an unsettled mind even as a toddler. ❤️ the rewards when they do settle make it worthwhile. Hang in there. ❤️

I have just placed an order! Thank you

You can get melatonin from piping rock - it’s much nicer than biovia and they do a kids one . Do not tell anybody about it !

ive just brought the cherry ones from here about 5 mins ago! Im excited

Could have written this when my eldest was struggling so much to sleep but my toddler had asthma not eczema. I felt like I lived at the children's hospital to be honest. It's a rough rough stage. It gets better, it feels like it never will but I promise it does. Look up low demand parenting for your eldest, ask for an OT referral to help you meet his sensory needs, if a TV in his room helps get one. My eldest settles as well with a screen as without, youngest who is neurotypical doesn't.

We don't have screens on melatonin nights as it doesn't work for us, he still can't get to sleep and becomes aggressive. So those nights he uses yoto player or we read to him now he's 7 whichever he prefers and 2 nights a week he is allowed to watch a movie or gentle cartoon. No scrolling or YouTube or anything like that

Similar DC though we haven't had as much struggle with bedtime but wanted to second the audio books as that has worked well for us (at bedtime and tricky situations for DC in the day) and massage has also been really good (quite deep firm pressure)

I think you may have misread.

I didn’t use it as at the time I didn’t believe in medicating my child just because she was a little different and I always felt natural is best.

Now I know better and would absolutely use it if I had my time again.

Speak to a consultant anyway or any professional you are involved with as there is different types and doses. My sons is the type that puts you asleep and keeps you asleep slow release, 5mg, he was on 3.5 as a younger child, he’s 10 now.
They are melatonin 5mg tr capsules ulm poa.
if you are getting a tv, turn on night time mode, it reduces the lights.

OP I hope the melatonin helps and I'd give the toni box a try too. If all else fails and watching a bit of Kipper or whatever settles him, then go for it. Anything that saves your sanity is worth it, you can't pour from an empty cup! Have you tried a weighted blanket? They're apparently calming for some people and can help with emotional dysregulation.

You sound like a lovely mum and I hope some of these strategies help your little one 💐

Thank you. i apologise, I swayed with the idea ATT but was reassured that it was the better option longterm. It’s amazing.

A screen will make it worse, I'd try audio books and maybe book him into a sleep clinic if they see them that young.

Would he maybe like a Yoto or a toniebox? My son is autistic and he uses his to regulate, he loves his toniebox so much and he really enjoys his Yoto too

How about a radio or device that reads an audio book or white noise as another option? I struggled to sleep as a child (anxiety mostly) and loved listening to the radio (book at bedtime on radio 4 was a great companion), I think there are machines that play age appropriate stories or books?

I have a child with autism. I hear you. It’s very hard when they won’t settle at bedtime x

i wasnt sure if he would like this, but after seeing others suggestions of this I am going to purchase one, if one dosnt like it the other will, in which case im sure he will then like it 😂

Thank you, for a period of time we were using my bose & playing a playlist of songs like the beatles blackbird, landslide etc

im not sure why we stopped! I could try this again until we have the funds for a yoto!

Is it to keep him occupied and out of your hair or so that he'll watch tv until he falls asleep/winds down? I don't think tv in his bedroom at 5 would be appropriate either way but I get it's super tough. Tonie boxes/audio books/spotify through Alexa maybe helpful as well as you and your partner taking turns to ensure each other gets proper downtime - maybe time for a nice long bath, or chilling in your own bedroom or meeting friends etc.

I would personally be more for trying an audio player like a tonie box or yoto player. I just don't think a tv is a good idea.

Maybe/maybe not! My eldest introducing a calming video at bedtime significantly helped his sleep because prior to that he couldn't physically stay in his bed. He was like a cat on a hot tin roof. And believe me I know you think you would make your child stay in their bed but a child with ASD or ADHD may impulsively move around, be dysregulated and become violent without any ability to observe a boundary. A tablet meant my son eventually lay down and went to sleep peacefully while no tablet meant he screamed. Ran round the room, tried to escape the room, threw furniture at us etc etc. not because he was throwing a tantrum and demanding a scream but because he was so frustrated he couldn't go to sleep and was tired. He has a diagnosed sleep initiation disorder secondary to seizures. I agree in a neurotypical child screen will make it worse,if you've never dealt with a neurodivergent child who wants to sleep but can't it's a whole different ballgame.

Its so he will wind down, its hard because we have two children with additional needs, so it requires us both for hours, my other child is significantly worse then the one i am referring to, but he doesn’t have ASD and the challenge is different if that makes sense.

during the day, its generally the only times he’s regulated and calm is when we use the TV, where he will actually lie down and relax, so it was more a thought in that sense.

but i really do not want to really do it, I hate the idea of it, saying that if if worked id be chuffed for us both - hes sleep impacts school and regulation also, he wakes up instantly unregulated and just awful tbh - i often open my eyes to him screaming demands or punching me, oh the joys

No worries, it’s easily done.

And yes I would absolutely use them now and recommend them to parents too after seeing the improvement it made to kids I’ve worked with.

I feel your pain, my youngest with eczema was the same. i cant remember him much as a baby, also having 2 under 2 was very traumatic with this.

i remember it was only really till around a year ago I felt I could handle hearing his crys (every kids cries sound different, hes cry is AWFUL like nails down a chalkboard) and he cried all day everyday for hours as a baby, and the sound even now makes me have a stress response like a feeling of doom in my stomach & i start to sweat 😂😬

What do you do currently in a day/ evening to help him regulate? What sensory inputs do you have? What we've found is regulation is cumulative, we need a structured routine with lots of appropriate sensory input and outlet to help our son regulate. Also every low demand days so he can sleep and cope with school demands etc. what do you do daily currently because I know how hard it is when you're in survival as I've been there but making big changes really helped us. We went from daily almost constant meltdowns to a meltdown once every few weeks now

FWIW OP if you did use a TV, I wouldn’t judge you but I feel he may possibly just watch it rather than actually sleep and so the problem wouldn’t be sorted.

Why not have him watch TV for an hour before bed now and see if it helps.

If he’s still taking hours to get to sleep then the same thing will happen if he had one in his room.

As a PP said, once you start it’s going to be very difficult to stop.

But if you think it will help then go for it - I always watch tv before going up to bed.