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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nephew issues

33 replies

mrsh2025 · 02/01/2026 14:44

I am probably just tired but feeling so blooming fed up today, my pollock of a husband (I say lighthearted because he has the heart of gold and will always help his family)decided to guarantor his nephew. January last year nephew stopped paying his rent, between us we covered about 12k and eventually he’s ended up moving in with us. I know it’s saved us money BUT I’m blooming exhausted it’s been 5 months and he won’t work, doesn’t help out sends money to his girlfriend but not towards food shopping. I
work long and odd hours and he never leaves the house so even a shower is harder work because he’s always here and I guess I feel uncomfortable with it. I worked till 4am New Year’s Day and got back up for other job at 7 and couldn’t sleep because he was on the phone and playing his stupid rumbling games on his pc, I am normally such an upbeat person and it is so getting me down. I feel I can’t talk to my husband about it as I know he’s already stressed by it and has loyalty to his family.

I guess I’m almost at the stage that I am considering moving out till he’s gone but I don’t want to lose my marriage because of someone that I’d quite happily never see again… any advice?

OP posts:
1987qwerty · 02/01/2026 14:46

How old is nephew? Where are his parents?

Tulcan · 02/01/2026 14:49

Loyalty to his family? What about you?

Do ‘his family’ that does not seem to include you not think that paying twelve thousand pounds for a loser of a nephew is enough loyalty?

Original poster
mrsh2025 · 02/01/2026 14:56

That’s what makes it worse his nephew is 30 (ish) I’m a few years older pay mortgage with my husband work so many hours (admittedly this is my own fault). His mum seems to have wiped her hands with him. I think my partner feels a bit torn but it is absolutely draining me, I find myself being snippy then feeling bad for it. Like yesterday he complained about dinner (perfectly normal slow cooker tea) that his mrs is concerned about his eating, she lives in Middle East and is one he sends money too…. If I was getting free house and food I’d not be complaining. I absolutely adore my husband and really don’t want to move out but am starting to think it’s the only option at this point till this leech moves out

OP posts:
5128gap · 02/01/2026 14:57

OP this is madness! Your nephew needs to get a job and start paying towards his keep and some off his debt to you or he needs to leave. If my partner wanted me to work two jobs and have no peace in my own home after throwing away £12k on an idle young man, then I'd be putting him straight very quickly. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way. By either of them.

FuzzyWolf · 02/01/2026 14:59

I’d move out. Just tell your husband you see this as a necessity for your wellbeing and it’s not an indictor that you feel your marriage has ended.

1987qwerty · 02/01/2026 14:59

Buy him a one way ticket Middle East.

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 02/01/2026 15:04

I'm at a complete loss to understand why absolutely anybody would put up with this situation.

There must be some back story here.
You're permitting a thirty year old manboy to leech off you. Why?

Original poster
mrsh2025 · 02/01/2026 15:11

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 02/01/2026 15:04

I'm at a complete loss to understand why absolutely anybody would put up with this situation.

There must be some back story here.
You're permitting a thirty year old manboy to leech off you. Why?

Because I love my husband and we are a team usually he made the daft mistake of supporting him and I’ve helped but I think yes maybe I’ve been a mug with it

OP posts:
GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 02/01/2026 15:20

mrsh2025 · 02/01/2026 15:11

Because I love my husband and we are a team usually he made the daft mistake of supporting him and I’ve helped but I think yes maybe I’ve been a mug with it

Show quote history

But why does your husband tolerate this behaviour?

He's enabling a grown adult to rack up debts at your expense, whilst refusing to work and expecting you to look after him.

Atmywitsend26 · 02/01/2026 15:21

Gobsmacked OP! The 12k was MORE than enough of covering this GROWN MAN. Offering him free room and board is madness. It's lovely your OH has loyalty to his family but what about his loyalty to you?

You need to have a very open conversation with your OH as soon as possible, you say he is stressed too so this can't go on - this guy is taking advantage and being an ungrateful that because you are all letting him! Why would he take any responsibility when he can just coast by using you!

Personally, I'd have had him out as soon as these problem behaviours started (if i'd let him in at all after the rent fiasco!) but if it makes you both feel uncomfortable just chucking him out, give him what you both agree is a reasonable amount of time to secure alternative housing and set a date for him to be gone - that would be more than generous!

grinchmcgrinchface · 02/01/2026 15:24

Buy him a ticket to the middle east one way or give him a date to move out by, if he doesn’t drop him off at the local council offices.

can’t believe you both shelled out 12 grand for him and then invited him to stay with you, both of you were asking for problems.

FollowSpot · 02/01/2026 15:27

No, you and your DH are NOT a team.

If you were he would not be wasting your joint family money on a lazy badly behaved adult who makes your life very difficult.

Time to tell your DH that either the nephew goes or you do.

Being a team doesn't mean allowing your DH to trash your life for no good reason, what it means is making sure that his wife is happy, can sleep at night and have a shower in privacy and peace.

Tell him it's you or the nephew and see whose team he thinks he is on then!

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 02/01/2026 15:29

mrsh2025 · 02/01/2026 14:56

That’s what makes it worse his nephew is 30 (ish) I’m a few years older pay mortgage with my husband work so many hours (admittedly this is my own fault). His mum seems to have wiped her hands with him. I think my partner feels a bit torn but it is absolutely draining me, I find myself being snippy then feeling bad for it. Like yesterday he complained about dinner (perfectly normal slow cooker tea) that his mrs is concerned about his eating, she lives in Middle East and is one he sends money too…. If I was getting free house and food I’d not be complaining. I absolutely adore my husband and really don’t want to move out but am starting to think it’s the only option at this point till this leech moves out

Time for him to take his grown 30 year old ass to the Middle East and join her then.

Are you all sure this woman exists and he’s not being scammed?

MCF86 · 02/01/2026 15:32

I would be telling husband he has a choice now about which one of you he wants to live with, there's no way he'd have both!

MinnieCauldwell · 02/01/2026 15:32

What the fuck is going on, thread after thread about entitled adults, usually male, but not always. Being enabled in not working or contributing.
Op. You know it is a ridiculous situation or you wouldn't have posted.

Put your foot down. Stand up for yourself. Tell him to get to fuck now.

Your husband is also disrespecting you by allowing this. I would give them both the elbow TBH. who needs men like that in their lives

MadinMarch · 02/01/2026 15:35

Can you and your husband really not see that you are being made complete Mugs of? What about family loyalty from nephew towards you both? It shouldn't be a one way street! He's being abusive towards you both.
I'd start a mcol (money claim online) for the money he owes you, whilst he still lives with you so you know his address, and give him notice he has to move out, with regard to the timing of the mcol suiting you best.

AwfullyGood · 02/01/2026 15:36

Why does your DH have so little respect for you that he's prepared to spend over €12k on a lazy, disrespectful, entitled man?

He costs you money.
He shows zero apprecriation for paying his rent.
He remains ungrateful, complains about his free lodgings and meals.
He is an absolute user.

At 30, there is zero reason he can't provide for himself. Your husband is living in cloud cuckoo land if he doesn't realise that his indulgence of this ungrateful twat, is a serious risk to your marraige.

333FionaG · 02/01/2026 15:40

If his missus in the Middle East is real, then I would invest in a one way ticket to wherever she is and get rid of this freeloading loser.

WelshRabBite · 02/01/2026 15:42

I thought your nephew was going to be a teenager, not a fully grown man 🤦🏻‍♀️

Tell your H it’s either you (who contributes to the mortgage, meals, cooking and cleaning) or his nephew (who contributes nothing) and mean it!

Sanasaaa · 02/01/2026 15:43

You said your husband is loyal to his family and that you're a team.

His family is you.

Why is he giving your family money to the parasite? He's financially wreckless, you might be better off divorcing so as to keep out of his spiralling spending.
Why is he not being a team with you in getting this man out of your property?

wheelywheelynice · 02/01/2026 15:45

You and your husband are a couple of mugs.

CluelessAboutBiology · 02/01/2026 15:55

Where is the nephew getting the money he sends to his romance scam girlfriend? How much/whet proportion does he have left each month? Presumably he still has money to pay for his computer paraphernalia so he can’t be sending her everything.

I’ve seen online parents who will only give out the WiFi password after the child has done certain chores. If your mug of a husband is too soft to evict the leech, could you try something like that?

Personally I’d set a date by which the leech either moves out or proves to you that he has secured a full time job, and make it clear that he will be paying a sensible contribution for rent/food/utilities PLUS paying towards the free board and lodgings he’s already had the benefit PLUS of course, paying back the £12k he effectively stole from you.

bleakmidwintering · 02/01/2026 15:58

I clicked you were being unreasonable because how on earth did you get into this arrangement? It’s madness!

pinkyredrose · 02/01/2026 15:59

Why did your husband agree to help out this idiot without your agreement, where's his loyalty to you?

Also why the fuck are you cooking for him?!

godmum56 · 02/01/2026 16:06

Sorry OP big girl knickers up, foot down