Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about sending my daughter to nursery

74 replies

JefferyE96 · 01/01/2026 21:27

This is my first time on here and I wanted some advice or help or is it just me im a first time mum and it’s just been me and my daughter from the day she was born we’ve never been apart we have friends and family but I just won’t let my daughter go to anyone else apart from me in April my daughter is meant to be starting nursery and I’m so nervous first off I’m worried about her going and being separated from her she’s my rock and my world secondly how I see it she will be going to nursery and what we do at home she will be doing at nursery for 3 hours 5 days a week so what’s the difference from staying at home or going to nursery friends and family say it will benefit both of us socially for my daughter which she is very sociable with other children and me to have a break but I don’t want a break and I don’t need a break it’s just us two and I love it I’m enjoying the time we have together now before she goes big school and she starts her new chapter they are only young once and she’s still my bubba I don’t know if I’m being silly or need to pull my socks up and let my daughter be free and make her own friends with out me being there am I being silly or is it okay to let her stay home for another year and let her goes reception next year

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:25

OutandAboutMum1821 · 01/01/2026 21:37

There’s no rush at all OP. You’re her mum, you know your child best, you have the final say and don’t have to justify that to anyone.

As someone with a decade of experience as an Early Years Lead and Reception teacher, I taught many wonderful children who started school straight from home who had fantastic personal social skills, behaviour and manners. If you want to socialise more at home there are parks, play dates and local groups. It is very easy to achieve this outside of nursery.

Mine did enjoy their 3 hours 5 days a week at nursery from the term after their third birthdays, but if the timing hadn’t felt right we’d have waited until Reception, no biggie either way. Loads you can do together at home at that age for sure.

Good luck whatever you decide 😊

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:26

NewYearNewMee · 01/01/2026 21:37

She shouldn’t be your “rock” - she’s a child! She needs to go and socialise and learn about being away from you during the day, otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure when she goes to school.

Why should I not call her my rock she’s my world always will be I don’t see no harm in calling my child my rock it’s called being a mother

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:28

Jinglejells · 01/01/2026 22:41

It sounds quite unhealthy from your side. You should send her because it seems like you should have some space.

wouldn’t say unhealthy would say a first time mum is worrying am I not allowed to worry

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:30

ThatJadeLion · 01/01/2026 21:38

You won't get a balanced response on here as it will be very pro nursery. My DD doesn't go as she really hated the two nurseries I tried. Instead she does a dance class and stage class. We take her places to socialise with other children too and she loves to make little friends. I didn't go to nursery and neither did my class 40 years ago and no one struggled with school. Do what suits you both, the time is precious 💕

I can see that with some people’s comment being quite negative and calling my child my rock I don’t see no harm in a single parent calling their child their rock but your comment is very helpful thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:33

PurpleThistle7 · 01/01/2026 21:38

I’m sorry you’re feeling badly about this. But when I read your post it’s all about you - what’s important here is her. It will benefit her hugely to have a slower start to her education and she’ll be so much better off with some nursery time to get used to it all.

Obviously I’m her mother and a first time mum I’m gonna have a few things to say how it’s making me feel everyone is allowed to voice themselves

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:35

Cat1504 · 01/01/2026 21:39

Your 4 year old shouldn’t be your ‘rock’…..this is very wrong

She’s not four she’s 2 3 in April and why is it wrong to call my child my rock I’m a single parent so yeah she is my rock and my world

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:38

Barnbrack · 01/01/2026 21:41

Describing a 3 yr old as your rock is bordering on emotional invest you can't make a 3 yr old your best friend, 3 yr olds need 3 yr old best friends and you need time bodily alone too. And I'm a very attached parent, my kids have never slept away from home and are 7 and 4 but they need to develop away from you.

What are you worried will happen?

Why can’t she be my best friend my child or my rock she’s my child and if I want to class her as my rock or my best friend what’s it got to do with you

OP posts:
Babyenroute · 02/01/2026 02:47

JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:38

Why can’t she be my best friend my child or my rock she’s my child and if I want to class her as my rock or my best friend what’s it got to do with you

Show quote history

You can descibe her as that but I think people are just pointing out that it isn't normal. I'm super attached parent but I wouldn't put the responsibility onto my kids to be my rock. It's a bit weird.

Ghht · 02/01/2026 02:49

Just have a think and ask yourself some questions and think about the answers.

Could she benefit from it? Could she enjoy it? What’s the harm in her going? Do you think she is ready? Will it help her with school transition? Is there anything she’ll miss out on by going? Do you do other things in the morning that she’ll miss by going to nursery? What can nursery provide that you can’t? Will it also help you with the transition to the school routine?

You know your child, there is no right or wrong answer. However, the decision has to be based off what’s right for her, and not just your feelings. It’s hard because it makes them seem so grown up when they are still our babies to us. Try think as objectively about it as you can.

Ghht · 02/01/2026 02:52

Also, I just wanted to point out that she can still go to nursery but she doesn’t have to start the moment she turns 3- you can always start her in September if you think that’s best x

Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:59

Babyenroute · 02/01/2026 02:47

You can descibe her as that but I think people are just pointing out that it isn't normal. I'm super attached parent but I wouldn't put the responsibility onto my kids to be my rock. It's a bit weird.

Show quote history

Why is it weird so your kids ain’t your world no and they ain’t your rocks I think we are two very different people who think different things about our kids

OP posts:
Original poster
JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 03:01

Thank you

OP posts:
ghostofchristmaspasta · 02/01/2026 03:31

This is the strangest thread I have seen in a while…

bridgetreilly · 02/01/2026 03:54

OP, when you describe your child as your rock, you are saying she is the person you depend on, the one who supports you, the one who never lets you down. Can you not see that is an unhealthy expectation for a young child? You should be her rock, not the other way round.

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 02/01/2026 04:04

bridgetreilly · 02/01/2026 03:54

OP, when you describe your child as your rock, you are saying she is the person you depend on, the one who supports you, the one who never lets you down. Can you not see that is an unhealthy expectation for a young child? You should be her rock, not the other way round.

Exactly this 👏

RitaFires · 02/01/2026 04:07

You're the parent so it's your decision but you should be making it in her best interests not yours. Not doing any kind of preschool would most likely make the transition to school harder and make her feel out of step with her peers that are already familiar with the conventions of being in a learning environment. It wouldn't bother some children but could really upset others, knowing your daughter what would be better for her?

Leaving each other for the first time is going to be very difficult, it would make things easier for both of you to do some practice before her first day of school so the whole thing is less of a shock to her. She doesn't become any less your baby if she spends a few hours elsewhere, in fact it's kind of magical to see your child's face light up when they see you again.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/01/2026 04:09

The reason people are saying she shouldn’t be your rock is because… well she shouldn’t you are her parent - you have a job to do that is to get her to be an independent capable individual adult and it is in your and her best healthy interest that you understand why they can be your world - mine is my everything too … but she is my child and I am her mother first I want her to have lots of friends and a best friend and it shouldn’t be me…. Also having her be your emotional support isn’t fair on her - she is a kid

I think having her go to nursery will be good for you both to slowly develop further independence from each other. I know it’s tough but the realities of parenting is that to be a good successful parent means loosing your child every day as they increase independence

Purpleturtle45 · 02/01/2026 04:10

bridgetreilly · 02/01/2026 03:54

OP, when you describe your child as your rock, you are saying she is the person you depend on, the one who supports you, the one who never lets you down. Can you not see that is an unhealthy expectation for a young child? You should be her rock, not the other way round.

Yes, I think maybe OP isn't sure what calling someone your 'rock' means. I would start slowly by getting used to leaving her with friends and family for short periods and build it up. Nursery will be good for her independence and development. Be careful not to clip her wings because you are anxious about it, she deserves the opportunity to make friends.

cramptramp · 02/01/2026 04:14

It’s not fair on your daughter to never spend any time away from you, only because it will be hard for her when she eventually has to. Going to Nursery or leaving her with someone else will be good for both of you. It’s not all about you and how you feel. And you are being very unreasonable describing her as your rock even though you don’t think so. Describing another person as this means they are your source of support. Your small child is not this for you. You need to find an adult to provide this.

MJEBinAthens · 02/01/2026 06:07

I know it’s hard realising that our babies are growing up, but they do benefit greatly from socialising and playing with other children. OK… once they start nursery there’ll be tears at some stages and they’ll pick up all sorts of germs (which is all part of them getting a stronger immune system), but it is healthy for them to be independent of mum for a few hours… and to have a part of life without you in it!
Instead of feeling bad about it, try to think positive and use the free time to do something you enjoy… win/win

Barnbrack · 02/01/2026 08:26

JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:38

Why can’t she be my best friend my child or my rock she’s my child and if I want to class her as my rock or my best friend what’s it got to do with you

Show quote history

Your reasons for not wanting to send her. That you have listed. Are entirely about you, you calling her your rock makes her existence entirely about you. That's not about her being your world it's about you wanting to be the only thing in her world. And that's messed up.

And it's not her fault you are a single parent, she doesn't need to provide all of your emotional well-being because you are not in a relationship.
.do you work? If she starts nursery you could work, meet new people, find self worth aside from being her mum which sounds like it would be good for both of you.

And yes, my children are my world, my youngest started school nursery last year and absolutely loves it. Has 'besties' and a favourite teacher.

My response would be different if you said you were worried SHE wouldn't cope being away from you but all your worries seem to be about yourself.

ViaRia01 · 02/01/2026 09:56

I also thought that seems unhealthy and a little worrying that you call her your rock. I’ve read your replies on that and I think that you mean something different when you say she’s your rock. I think of that to mean, someone that you rely on for emotional support. Perhaps you mean just that she is everything to you, she’s the most important thing to you, not that you need her to help your own mental health.

I think people are saying YABU maybe more because of a misunderstanding than anything to do with nursery/ no nursery.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/01/2026 10:19

My eldest went to nursery two long mornings a week from aged 3.5 for the year before reception. She also had half a day with her grandma most weeks and I ran a toddler group so she met loads of kids through that. Just before she started school I panicked that she hadn’t been away from me enough and would struggle with whole days at school but she settled happily straight away. I wouldn’t have wanted her to do 5 days a week, what we did worked for us.

Pearlstillsinging · 02/01/2026 10:24

JefferyE96 · 02/01/2026 02:38

Why can’t she be my best friend my child or my rock she’s my child and if I want to class her as my rock or my best friend what’s it got to do with you

Show quote history

Because it's not fair to put that responsibility for your happiness/emotional wellbeing on a very young child. She needs you to be the dependable adult in her world, someone who makes decisions and keeps things running smoothly, not someone who discusses issues with her or asks her opinions on anything more important than what she wants for lunch.

Rather than sending her to Nyrsery just yet, have you thought about attending a parent & toddler group with her? That would give you both a gentle introduction into a more social and slightly more formal group situation.
As a retired teacher, I think that putting a child into daycare isn't such a good thing, so it's great that you have been able to have this time together, she will have a very secure attachment with you and this will stand her in good stead for future relationships. Take your time to find the best nursery locally, visit a few and go by the feeling you get, rather than OFSTED reports. I would expect Nureries attached to a mainstream school to be most appropriate for your daughter. She doesn't need to go 5 days per week.

mumonthehill · 02/01/2026 10:26

I think it is positive for dc to spend time with others, learn from others and know that being apart from a parent is ok. She may be your rock but she needs things from others too and nursery can be a fun place for her to be. She will have to go to school and understanding now that she can thrive without you is good for her. It will be good for you too as she cannot be with you all day everyday forever. We all love our dc but it is also important to understand that you cannot be her whole world forever.