AIBU that I don’t want to pay for this woman’s alcohol everytime I see her?

[Heylo]

I don’t drink but that’s neither here nor there. I respect round culture and when I see my pals I do one round of drinks usually as a gesture of good will, even though my soft drink is either free (soda water) or comes in at under £4.

I recently started seeing an old friend again. She brings along two friends when we see each other. We got a bit of a gang going. One of them always offers to buy everyone a drink and I always say thanks no and buy myself a soft drink.

The other one; I offered to buy a round of drinks the last time we hung out. My friend and woman 1 both said no thanks. The Second Lady said yes. He drink cost £7. Spent another hour in the pub, she didn’t offer to buy a round back, no problem, didn’t think anymore about it.

Tonight I offered to buy a round. My friend and woman 1 both had soft drinks. Woman 2 asks for a drink costing £5.50. My friend had to leave early and woman 1,2 and I sit around chatting. We all finish our drinks. Woman 1 deep in storytelling mode. I say ‘I fancy an another drink’ and wait for woman 2 to offer. Nothing. Woman 1 says ‘you should get one, I’ll get you one’, and simultaneously carrying on her story. I say it again then say to woman 2 ‘what about you, are you having another drink?’ Woman 2 says ‘no I’m ok I don’t need another one’.

I don’t mind writing off these two drinks but how do I deal with a round situation again? I want to offer people who buy drinks back but not this woman as I can see from her response she knew exactly what I was asking and was not buying me a drink back. I do not want to pay for this woman’s alcohol going forward. How do I do this without causing a scene? The other two are normal, generous offer & reciprocate drinks.

"I fancy another drink. Who's round is it? Oh yeah, it's yours Sarah. Mine's a J20 thanks".

You either ask your friend how they usually handle things ('hey (friend), is Sandra always so tightfisted about rounds in the pub or do I just bring out the cheapskate in her?) or you stop buying rounds. Given that she sounds like a freeloader I can't see why your other friends would have a problem with you doing that (unless it meant they now had to absorb her costs...).

Next time make a point of saying oh I think I got the last one when we out before so it’s your turn now

I just wouldn’t get caught in rounds in future, get offered a drink decline and get your own then when you want another get up and let them know you’re getting yourself a drink

Exactly.. I’ve been going out for 25 years and never done rounds.

Simple, just don’t do rounds. DH and I never do when we go out because it only breeds resentment if we’re out with tightwads who don’t buy back. It also means we can have expensive cocktails if we’re feeling lavish or cheap drinks if we’re a bit skint 🤷‍♀️

Yes, if you're going to note and remember the cost of each drink you've ever bought someone then it sends clear that rounds are not for you.

I have been in a situation where I knew a woman would walk into the bar with a few of us and would turn to one of the gang and say ' oh im just nipping to the loo, would you get me a gin and tonic'. The woman did and I noticed it wasnr reciprocated throughout the evening.
A few weeks we were out and I was nearest to g and t woman. She tried it with me and said ' oh I just have to nip to the loo, would you get me a g and t'. ( cheeky cow) As I was wise to her I just said ' actually, no, im going to the toilet as well'
Op in your shoes, I'd have something in my back pocket ready to say ' oh, im not going to the bar' or in future if you know she's out id say' actually tonight Im standing my own round'

You just say 'Ill buy my own'.

I just wouldn’t get caught in rounds in future, get offered a drink decline and get your own then when you want another get up and let them know you’re getting yourself a drink

There you go OP. Perfect solution.

The world is full of takers. Don't let them walk all over you.

New year. New you.

I don’t drink. I don’t buy rounds and I never let others buy me drinks (because I want to know what I’m getting). Just buy your own drinks and let them crack on if they want. It’s not really rounds anyway when 3/4 of you are on soft drinks or not taking part.

Don’t get into rounds with these people.

Don't offer to buy a round, just get your own drinks. I only do rounds with my 2 bestie because we all tend to drink about the same - in a larger group it's easier to just get your own.

This is what I say too, I’ll get my own. There is nothing wrong with saying it and saves you buying rounds with people who don’t buy back! When you get there, go straight to the bar and get your drink before meeting them. If they ask if you want a drink say, no thanks I’m getting my own as I’m only drinking pop! When you go to the toilet, go to the bar on the way back for another drink. This avoids the whole, I’m going to the bar and drink requests from friends.

We always put a kitty in. Everyone puts in £10/20 but we usually will all have an alcoholic drink if someone is on soft drinks we'd tell them not to bother putting in but get them one anyway. We don't have any tight arses though.

This

I agree - as with anything else you either give without the expectation of receiving or don’t give at all. It’s baffling to me that people are out and about counting the number of drinks they are buying/being bought, though I know it happens. Sounds extremely stressful honestly.

This.

Stop buying rounds.

Surely rounds will only work fairly if you each have 4 drinks every time you go out? Or if you dedicate yourselves to remembering what order you bought in last time... If all seems unnecessarily stressful TBH, just say, 'I'm on soft drinks so I'll get my own thanks' and carry on with your night?

I think if you’re on soft drinks just buy your own, don’t even offer a first round.

‘hi friends, I’m just buying my own drinks tonight as I’m on soft drinks’

Couldn’t get excited about this. It’s not like she’s ordering a £15 cocktail.

I would do this first but if she doesn’t cooperate then just don’t do rounds and politely refuse any requests or offers from her in future.

Start of the night “Are we doing rounds?” However does in a round when you are not staying long enough for four rounds doesn’t work. But as a pp said given you are noting the cost of all the drinks rounds is not for you. Just buy your own.

Suddenly need the loo when you get there and ask her to get yours. Make sure she buys the first round and then it doesn't matter.