AIBU that I don’t want to pay for this woman’s alcohol everytime I see her?

[Heylo]

I don’t drink but that’s neither here nor there. I respect round culture and when I see my pals I do one round of drinks usually as a gesture of good will, even though my soft drink is either free (soda water) or comes in at under £4.

I recently started seeing an old friend again. She brings along two friends when we see each other. We got a bit of a gang going. One of them always offers to buy everyone a drink and I always say thanks no and buy myself a soft drink.

The other one; I offered to buy a round of drinks the last time we hung out. My friend and woman 1 both said no thanks. The Second Lady said yes. He drink cost £7. Spent another hour in the pub, she didn’t offer to buy a round back, no problem, didn’t think anymore about it.

Tonight I offered to buy a round. My friend and woman 1 both had soft drinks. Woman 2 asks for a drink costing £5.50. My friend had to leave early and woman 1,2 and I sit around chatting. We all finish our drinks. Woman 1 deep in storytelling mode. I say ‘I fancy an another drink’ and wait for woman 2 to offer. Nothing. Woman 1 says ‘you should get one, I’ll get you one’, and simultaneously carrying on her story. I say it again then say to woman 2 ‘what about you, are you having another drink?’ Woman 2 says ‘no I’m ok I don’t need another one’.

I don’t mind writing off these two drinks but how do I deal with a round situation again? I want to offer people who buy drinks back but not this woman as I can see from her response she knew exactly what I was asking and was not buying me a drink back. I do not want to pay for this woman’s alcohol going forward. How do I do this without causing a scene? The other two are normal, generous offer & reciprocate drinks.

i like a kitty. half fare for soft drinkers.
however not all pubs take cash now.

Just buy yourself a drink. Who would begrudge that? You’re a non drinker

Buy your own or make sure and say “I bought the last round, who’s go is it this time?”

Dont do rounds at all if you don’t have the guts to speak up for yourself. Or dont do rounds with tight arses. Or, just don’t do rounds at all. Easy.

Don’t do things with the expectation of getting something back… yeah, we’ve all encountered people like that (it’s called “being tight”), but perhaps she’s just poor or is one of those insane rich people who try to screw every penny out of any given situation. Instead of whinging on a public forum about it, just talk to her. It’s not fucking rocket science…
Pinch punch first of the month and no return today ✌🏾❣️

To avoid a scene, why not suggest a whip. Everyone chips in, say, £10 and agree what is acceptable to buy. Round 1 someone takes responsibility, then Round 2 another does with balance and so on.

If no-one wants to contribute then all agree that person is responsible for their own drinks.

Next time you go out, be brave enough to say “Oh woman 2, it’s your round first isn’t it as woman 1 and I bought rounds last week”. Don’t let her get away with this behaviour!!!

OP you say in your OP that you respect round culture, but you don’t seem to respect the signs that this little gang you’ve got going aren’t doing rounds. Your friends don’t all accept a drink when offered, they don’t offer in turn. This isn’t rounds. It’s some one occasionally offering a drink. So respect that. Stop offering unless you’re prepared to gift a drink to everyone in your group.

I think it’s socially obtuse of woman 2 to keep accepting drinks and not reciprocate, but you can’t force her into that sort of thing when it isn’t already a part of your group’s dynamic. Just accept her for what she is and stop buying her drinks.

You’re also missing the point that the other two women don’t do rounds either, they’ll have cottoned on to the CF so you also need to just buy your own drinks

Round-dodgers are the scum of the earth. How can you enjoy this woman's company?

Don't do rounds, cheeky cow.

I don't know how to do a link but if you google Hale and Pace, myroundaphobia, I think you'll see that she has a medical condition.

OP it's you that's trying to do rounds, no one else is. Infact they are trying to put a stop to it by not continuing it.
Just buy your own drink, there's no expectation to do rounds.

I enjoy round culture and generally think it all evens out. Maybe not with individuals, but over a lifetime, I won't buy more drinks than I've had bought for me.

I rarely turn down the offer of a drink, even if there won't be an opportunity that evening to reciprocate. I do know when it's my turn first next time though.

For serial offenders I'd have no trouble at all saying "Sarah, it must be your round" when we arrive next time.

Rounds are a nightmare. If I buy a round im not expecting the drinks back - there are many cheapskates out there, unless its close friends just say "im getting my own thanks"

Next time don't offer. Just get up and say you're going to get a drink. If she attempts to ask for a drink say "actually it's your round as I got you a drink last time. So I'll have a .... ". Let it be awkward! Who cares! If you do want to offer others drinks that got you a drink then do so and conveniently forget the freeloaders drink. Say oops, forgot.... then let them get up and get their own!

Try the direct approach: “Haha, fuck no I’m not buying a round. I’m so over some people in this group never buying a round. Let’s buy our own drinks going forward”.

I once was on a work trip with about 10 colleagues and someone else on the trip “forgot his wallet” at dinner two nights running. The first night everyone chipped in to pay for him. The second night I told him in front of everyone that it was no problem - we’d wait while he nipped back to the hotel to collect it. That was a proper walk of shame.

Some people are so thick skinned you have to be quite blunt. They convince themselves that other people don’t mind paying for them and it’s only a problem if someone raises it. So help them socially by raising it.

You’d be ok with spending £5-7 on the same person each time, and they never pay for any drinks?

Round culture is stupid, I've never participated unless it's genuinely easier and equitable. I assumed it would be dying out with COL these days! Just don't participate.

It probably evens out if you are a regular pub goer and (no offence!) a biggish drinker. If you're a light weight or someone who doesn't like to drink a lot of alcohol it definitely doesn't balance over a lifetime.

Yeah, this is what I do. Make it clear from the start and then stick to it. Voila - problem solved. As ling as you state it upfront no-one can argue.

Tell her it's her turn to buy the first round.

Or stop doing rounds.

I agree- it doesn't really even out at all if you dont drink alcohol (like me) and rarely go to the pub. I know some people that always drink things like expensive cocktails and double spirits - totally fine, its their choice and I am not judging what they choose to drink but its hardly fair when I am always drinking Diet Coke!

Yes. It doesn’t sound like it’s much more than the cost of the soft drink. Couple of £. For the sake of not blowing up a big argument I couldn’t get excited about it. If that amount is a struggle for the OP, that is different but then I wouldn’t think the OP would suggest rounds in those circumstances. With rounds unless everyone drinks the same and they drink enough for each person to buy a round, there is always disparity and so you either accept that or say no to rounds.

Just don’t buy rounds. I have similar situation with a friend who drinks larg3 wines whilst I drink soft drinks as I drive. I just made it clear at the start of our meet-ups that I’d prefer to just buy my own. Whether or not she agrees with it (although why would she not?), I’m not sure. But you just have to be assertive and upfront, and then you’ve made your position very clear.