Really minor but irritating to me husband not cooking

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

I do almost all of the cooking and I have no issue with this.

Since September I have not been able to cook on one evening a week so husband (who I love and I am very happy with) is responsible for the evening meal but instead of cooking he will either get a takeaway or will text and say that he and one of the kids are in a chain restaurant and do I and other child want to join?

The result is the kids think he is Superman and Fun Dad.

Not against junk food but not every week. Reasonably comfortable but it’s a waste of money.

I think he should cook.

Yes I know in the scheme of things this isn’t a real problem.

Why don't you think this is a real problem?

Another adult refusing to share the mundane everyday cooking would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.

I'm no-one's skivvy and you shouldn't be either.

Are we married to the same man? Mine does fish and chips or chain restaurant. If I ask him to cook then he will warm up food I cooked. At a push he might do beans on toast but we will all hear about it for three months and he will expect a small trophy.

I've given up and just batch cook healthy meals so the DC get something decent.

It's just a weekly nail in the marriage coffin.

Nope - he doesn’t take his responsibilty seriously. He thinks cooking is a woman’s job and you enable this by doing ‘almost all’ if the cooking and tiptoeing around him trying to be the cool wife and minimising it. Stop doing that and get a bit more bolshy about it. Tell him no more takeouts/restaurants unless it’s treat.

Yes he should absolutely cook, and if he doesn't know how, learn like you had to.

I don't know how long you've been married, but don't fall into the trap of doing all the cooking. It gets harder to get partner to change as time goes on. And then you're nagging cos hey, you've been happy to do it for the past 30 years!

It's boring and a chore. So my advice to anyone starting off in a relationship is to start as you mean to go on. Don't do it all.

So only he gets a break from cooking, despite the fact that he never does it?

Isn’t he embarrassed to require a round of applause for beans on toast? Don’t get me wrong, I think that’s an ok meal (though I’d add a green veg, is he doing that?) but he should acknowledge it’s the bare basics.

Its just so shit. Reminds me of my incredibly adept xh, who could do anything (he really could) but when required to plait hair, he just couldn’t, because he didn’t want to and he didn’t think it was his job.

Being able to plan and execute an appropriate, nutritious, budgeted family meal that your children will eat is something every adult should be able to do. Maybe tell him that.

He can cook and will occasionally cook an amazing curry and will do a couple of barbecues a year so these occasions become events which the kids talk about and get excited.

Now we have these Thursday nights which are the highlight of my daughters’ week.

It’s as if he is the fun one and I am the miserable one. These meals can be anything from £55 to £85.

He just says that the kids have fun and who can be bothered to cook?

I agree. In my house yes I do all the cooking but DH does all of the washing up. That's perfect for me because though I hate cooking, I hate washing up even more😂

You need to agree with him how you are splitting it, that doesn't involve weekly takeaway/restaurant which will get expensive and grating very fast.

In my house DH does none of the cooking, which is fine with me as he does breakfasts, lunches and all the washing up. I hate washing up more than cooking.

On the day I can't cook we have oven pizza which DH 'cooks' but it's definitely not exciting.

Just get take out on your cooking days and say 'who can be bothered to cook'
expensive but worth making the point

How is driving to a restaurant and sitting there with a child and wasting what must be at least an hour plus £85 less effort than just cooking a normal dinner like a regular adult? Tell him you’re planning to replace your cooking with takeaways and restaurants too - would he think that was ok?

I think positioning himself as fun Dad and leaving you with the drudge (especially if this is because you’re being a taxi for your other child) is grossly unfair and very much a real problem. Plus it means you can never get a night “off” from cooking because he’s claimed it.

There’s something deeply unattractive about a man who only does the household chores that attract acclaim and attention from others (big bbqs) but not their share of the unnoticed, boring and thankless stuff like making jacket potatoes and beans on a busy Tuesday.

Adding green veg to beans on toast. Criminal.

My husband is like this. If I don't want to cook (often,my family are a pain in the arse to cater for) he gets a takeaway

"He just says that the kids have fun and who can be bothered to cook?"

What would he do six days a week if you couldn't be bothered to cook?
He's a lazy sod, unprepared to pull his weight and obviously thinks you're a mug for cooking.

This is a battle of wills. You need to stand your ground. Try asking him a few questions -

How much per month is he spending on covering his one-evening-a-week dinners?

If he can't be bothered to cook dinner, then why should you?

Why is it okay for him to shirk the whole dinner drudge shebang and what would happen if you did the same?

Does he realise what's in that shit he's feeding to the kids?

My ex used to do that. If ever I went out, he'd take the DCs out for a pizza rather than cook. I found it very irritating too.

If your family can afford one meal out / takeaway a week, then that leave 6 days of cooking needed that can be cleanly split between the two of you :)

some people are just not great at cooking. My DH does the majority of cooking in our house, I sometimes make the odd one pot meal but I don’t have the patience for anything more complex than a potato ricer.

is it simply because he’s lazy or just not good at cooking?

is it simply because he’s lazy or just not good at cooking?

They're one and the same.

Very few people are instantly good at anything when they first start.

It takes practise but he's clearly too lazy to stick at it because he'd rather the OP did this mundane, humdrum everyday chore while he gets away without bothering.

Anyone should be able to make beans o toast

In my humble opinion (and 35 years married 😁) this needs nipping in the bud fast.
Because resentment will grow and it will become a massive thing....

PS: keep fancying beans on toast now 🤣

I wouldn't let it get to you

I wouldn't let it get to you

It has taken me 20 years of marriage and an injury to break this cycle. Every time I was out, it would be takeaway or something I had previously cooked and frozen planning to have another night. A few weeks on crutches and husband had no options like that anymore. And finally he gets my point that only thinking for today's meals is not enough.

I agree with the person upthread who said ask questions. And get him cooking on more of the nights you are not out. Use New Year as an excuse to look at the work load. Point out that £300+ month for one meal a week is over £3600 a year that could go on a holiday or whatever. Or that it is as much as you spend for all the other meals each week and is not sustainable.

I agree with this post whole heartedly.

Apart from the green veg with beans on toast. That’s a firm boundary you should never cross right there! An abomination! 😁

OP I seriously would find it hard to like a person who pulled this every week.