To be really scared to drive?

[fearfuldriver]

I had lots of driving lessons 5 years ago. I never got my head around reversing or parallel parking, I couldn’t understand it. But what terrifies me is motorways/ junctions where there’s several lanes. I don’t understand how you know which lane to be in to go where or how you figure it out. It really scares me. I was learning in a village at the time so I never came across these things. Did anyone else feel this way? AIBU to feel this way and what should I do? My DP drives but we’re potentially moving to somewhere in the country and I feel like I should drive if we do.

Start driving lessons again and do some learning, understanding lanes is pretty basic. 5 years is a long time, just start again with an open mind ready to learn

I would organise yourself some lessons, including motorway driving, before you move.
Also take advantage of the many good videos online about motorway driving etc.
Then, once you've moved, find yourself a nice car that you feel comfortable with and get a few more lessons. Make yourself drive to things - easy stuff daylight non rush hour to start with. Practice supermarket parking in the spaces furthest from the supermarket - and drive to it in DPs car for now

You can do it - you passed your test after all!

I passed my test 35 years ago, but never lived anywhere that involved needing to go on a motorway, so I grew up scared of them and would choose public transport if I was going further afield. That was until I had no choice but to drive my son and all his stuff to uni. I really panicked about it, but in the event it was easy and I ended up choosing the motorway over other routes after that.

I don't think she's passed her test!

Er… where did she say she passed her test?! OP, I mean this kindly but you probably shouldn’t be driving if you can’t grasp the basics after several lessons. Cars are lethal weapons and I’d prefer it if nervous drivers just didn’t put other people’s lives in danger.

As others have said get some driving lessons. Be honest with the instructor and s/he will take you out and help build your confidence. It’s definitely worth throwing a bit of money at!

It's easy to follow the motorway situations you mention because you look at the signs and they tell you which lane you need to be in according to your destination.

A sat satnav will also tell you, step by step.

Parallel parking is also easy really, your instructor would teach you how to line up your car correctly and when you need to turn your wheel etc. You can also watch videos.

It seems hard when you're a learner but it's really just practise.

It took me 11 years of very very on again off again lessons to pass my test. Passed on the 3rd attempt, in an automatic. Sounds bad, right? But against all odds I'm now a very confident driver. I can advise on changing lanes as it worried me too. I find that sat nav is really helpful for most things, however, road marking are better for understanding where I need to be and why
For example my sat nav might say "take either two lanes". I will look at the sign as I approach the roundabout and look on the road to see which lane is going where (for eg A406). That makes things much clearer in my head. I know this sounds basic but it gives a better perspective on where I need to be. I have no sense or direction and learnt to drive using phone/sat nav to navigate so had to unlearn that, if that makes sense? Honestly you can probably do it. Find an instructor whi makes you feel confident. I had a fair few who were quite power trippy and very critical and that was hard. Then I found a lovely calm woman who refused to engage with the belief I had that I "just couldn't do it". Good luck.

And it's absolutely all about practice. After I passed my test I had to drive about 45 seconds up the road to pick my family up from church. I was quaking in my boots. Now I drive in a mad place in the middle of a mad town and never break a sweat.

Get some more lessons, and ask for motorway practice.

Honestly - based on what you’ve said I think we might all be safer if you don’t drive. Sorry OP.

Definitely learn to drive
And get proper driving lessons and motorway driving lessons. Even after you pass your test you can get further lessons if you are nervous. That's what I did. I had motorway driving lessons after I took my test and went from being nervous about motorway driving to really enjoying it

When I do a new journey and it looks tricky I use Google, look up directions to X and then it will give you the option of step by step instructions with photos. Go to the motorway junctions and look at the photographs of the lanes in advance of your journey, this should help you pre empt the Sat nav.

I disagree. I went from being scared to even be a passenger in a car to being someone who is even happy to drive abroad
It just takes a bit of tenacity and a decent and patient instructor

I am inclined to agree. Nervous drivers make bad drivers.

I never took my theory or practical

Also I only did two-three parallel parking attempts. It’s more reversing I’m nervous about.

The big signs tell you what lane to get in, and if you get it wrong, you just carry on in the wrong lane until you’re able to turn around safely and come back the other way and try again.

At the moment I’m inclined to agree that OP shouldn’t even attempt to drive. But ill give her benefit of the doubt and say start afresh, try some new lessons and take it from there. But if it’s still a complete mystery to you then be prepared to take an executive decision and not drive - for all our sakes!

One thing you could do immediately perhaps, is to get your DP to give you a commentary on his driving when you are together. This is assuming he is a safe driver and following the Highway Code and doesn’t mind talking when he drives.

He can explain what road hazards he’s looking out for, how he joins motorways, etc etc.

I don’t like driving, but I’ve always found it easier when I do more.If you are likely to get a car then buy one with reversing sensors etc. use technology where you can, I only have a license for automatic cars.

I passed my test in 2008 and I still find getting in the right lane difficult occasionally on unfamiliar roundabouts.
I think people are being very harsh.

You just need more practice and confidence, basically.

Try a different instructor - mine had a whiteboard he would draw on to show lanes and different scenarios (when we were parked up, before approaching a new junction type or after I'd got a bit flustered by one!). Seeing it visually really helped me more than just verbal instructions whilst driving.

I passed my test first time after about 8 months of lessons, & did Pass Plus so I had extra tuition on motorways etc, but I was still very nervous. I quit driving quite quickly (combo of nerves and not having access to a car) but about 6 years later I started again; had some refresher lessons and then started doing short journeys I knew well to build confidence. Gradually built up over the last 18 months and honestly I finally felt confident and that it was coming automatically after around 9 months of regular driving.

I've now driven most of the way from London to Cornwall and back, I regularly do 50 mile trips including at night and on motorways, although I'm still not keen on the M25 but can do it if needed!

Honestly the thing that made me a better driver and more confident was practice, & having access to a safe reliable car to practice in. Lots of short local journeys to start, along routes I knew so I wasn't worrying about satnav or getting lost, just focusing on the driving. Oh, & having a toddler who escaped the pram but not the car seat, so I was more inclined to want to drive him to nursery and back than walk 1.5 miles with him trying to escape!

Apologies, rush read on small screen, missed you'd not passed.
Then I'd make sure my provisional is valid, do the theory ; tip download the DVLA practice app.
I'd also start lessons as soon as you can, and just practice. Maybe even try some private off road lessons where you can just practice handling the car and things like reversing, parking and 3 point turns with no people/traffic about. Bit more expensive, but something like this is fun in a nice car and no pressure
https://www.mercedes-benzworld.co.uk/driving-experiences/experiences/mercedes-benz-young-driver-plus-4x4-1-hour-experience/

Or either bring your own car & a qualified driver to supervise, or have lessons here:
https://drivecardrome.com/ again no pressure of other traffic, build confidence before you start
I'm sure there are other places available, not tried either myself

Some people in this thread have forgotten they were ever beginners at driving too 🙄
OP I was like you and I passed first time a year and a half ago. I drive automatic which helps a lot, and relate to the thing about lanes on approach. What i would say is YouTube is your friend. Watch millions of driving videos on there, loads of instructors have channels. And get lots of lessons with someone you feel comfy with. Good luck!

I was a nervous when I was learning to drive. I was nervous the first time I drove on a motorway. It is completely normal to feel nervous about something you don't feel confident about.

The only way to get over this is to start driving lessons again and practice, practice and practice. There is no other way.

I am about to get in the car to return DD to her university city and drive the best part of 200 miles. Am I nervous? No, because I drive a lot.

If you really don't want to drive, do not move to somewhere with poor public transport. It is a PITA.